It’s Not about Half Empty or Half Full

“Is your glass half empty or half full?” asked the mole.

“I think I’m grateful to have a glass,” said the boy.

—The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, by Charlie Mackesy

How did we get here? A world of division, split down the middle or sometimes - most times - into unequal parts.

Staying here, or changing, all begins within the mind.

Raising a child, I naturally find myself falling back to analogies and lessons that I learned when young, as my mind sifts through reasoning with or supporting her. Of course, we have engrained much of our mindset through the old “isms” and “fables” repeated around us. While they are meant to teach us something, they have also become an everyday breeze by conversation that we may not really be paying attention to any more. An auto-pilot response without an action that backs up our words. And, perhaps even, a skewed lens for now.

“What you resist persists.”

“Feel it to heal it.”

“Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.”

“Nothing changes if nothing changes.”

“The glass is half empty or half full.”

The impact of these words can be life changing when we follow through with the lessons. Expressions full of depth and keys that unlock the treasure of clarity, intuition and self wisdom, these sayings can allow a soul to carve a new canyon of thought. When we simply throw them around to our children, without life application and a deepening of understanding ~ Are they landing in our cells with real vibration?

As a woman, business owner, writer, mother - I am faced with constant opportunity to “feel it to heal it.” Yet, the moment I do let my guard down, take an extra breath, rest….much of the world would claim me to be less valuable. And guess what - I don’t care. (Hence, the rebel heart life I lead).

I choose to model to my daughter the truth. Exhaustion is not a necessary way to accomplish everything. Intermittent - and even better - proactive rest is courageous. And I am brave enough to pause.

Along with this, I feel my feelings and process them, without harm to others. Is it messy sometimes? Sure. Is it peaceful and impactful when I hold intention and check in through daily self practice? Yes. I choose more easefulness.

And it’s like the ‘ol’ saying, “Practice makes perfect”.

If I simply state this sentence over and over but I do not model my own ability to connect within, nor does the society around me actually value the words we are throwing around…what am I actually teaching my daughter? Something that is not trustworthy.

I could be landing her in a context that does not match reality. More potential for her to energetically struggle and sift through the confusion. All the while, I would be working against my own value system, surrendering to the words of famous books or just old ideologies that once held culture and do not apply. Or the furthest from my capacity ~ preaching something that I don’t practice.

I prefer to guide my daughter toward a life of daily breath, offering space for the discovery. The universal clarity that supports us, when a true inner knowing is honored and the truth is the whole point.

In a world that so often seeks the quickest, fastest fix, we are living in illusions. We have literally just made things up in place of doing the hard, more extensive work.

We perpetuate our own cycles and hardships through our very teachings. Our excuses. Our inability to deal.

“Kids this age are just mean.”

I hear this one all the time about tweens and teens. Those middle school years where all 12 year olds grow devil horns and begin to plot the ways to bring more misery to everyone around them. And if met with the accusation, or better yet, the judgement stated as a fact - they will be mean.

Of course, it is the easy way out of the hard stuff! The overworked adults do not have to confront the child’s behavior and work through it. The bully does not have to process what is actually lying underneath all the rough and tough outer layers they are exuding. When we throw it to the wind as ‘normal meanness,’ no one has to be accountable.

No one has to soften. Because the world around them is remaining metal, rigid and there is no space for vulnerability and feeling.

What we forget to mention in this bypass is that kids are actually not inherently mean. Humans fall into these behaviors of blame, outburst and rebellion when there is something against which to resist. The hormones are a jumble, the body is changing, brain development is leaping ….it is so very uncomfortable … and we resist.

If no one tells us how to safely process, be with ourselves, forgive and move on, well, this spiral of unkindness perpetuates. The inertia began with confusion met with more metal and less living fire or soothing water.

Have you seen the state of this age group when we allow them to be uncomfortable?

Living in a wilder place, outside of the western ways of civilization, we offer our daughter a whole lot of expressive freedom. Our life has lacked the - shhh, be quiet, act appropriately mission that only exists in a world of adults who have decided children are a bother. That “children should be seen but not heard.” Another fine line we used to say, not so long ago, and may still be carrying forth in our mindsets.

Children can be respectful and also authentically express themselves. Have we forgotten our capacity as complex humans to hold more than one frequency at a time?

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Our species is made up of the same 5 elements as all of nature. Western society has deeply fallen into a pattern that I would describe as an imbalance of the metal element. Our metal is our very structure - our bones literally giving density and form to our bodies, our mind’s capacity to focus…those “type A” friends we have - these are people who wield their metal element and make it work for their benefit.

And, “too much of anything can be harmful.” Another slogan we toss around as if its importance is just here to float on the breeze. Yet - moderation and balance is the key to harmony! When we acquire “too much” metal in a society, it begins to look like rigidity, close-mindedness, hyper focus without relaxation. A constriction of breath.

Breath is the very power and essence of metal, as this element is connected to our lungs and skin. When in balance, our breath is steady and our mind is open to all possibilities. We may make a plan and still have the capacity to handle it if the plan changes. Metal, in balance, does not grip to things. Instead, is a perfect letting go. Or as I like to say even moreso - a letting be.

So, here we are as a family in a country and space that actually allows a complete embrace of the wood element. Some would say that wood acts as the opposite of metal in the chinese wheel of elements. Again, I do not feed extremes so I would claim that wood brings us to a different perspective or aspect of ourselves. Plain and simply.

Wood is expansion, growth, creativity. Our wildness and primal instincts connected with our inner artist. Wood does not ask us to be careful (or quiet) in the restaurant. Respect is still required. The point would be made that, in a balanced life, the human in the restaurant visit is already showing up in a way that nothing is being stifled.

If true expression was already prevalent and allowed, suddenly nothing needs to come out loud and strong in an environment that does not call for this.

The element of wood beckons our true nature to express in a balanced state. Our wood friends will tell you, with excitement, all the things they love on the menu and then be totally open to whatever everyone wants to share. Because wood boldly explores the world and sees growth even when things are still.

And, yes, everything is capable of imbalance. When wood is stifled, we get rebellion. Don’t touch this. You can’t do that. Be this way, not that way. Wood will not be agreeable to demands. Could you imagine directing a tree, telling it exactly how it ‘has to grow’. While the very idea of this sounds preposterous, we project this upon people all the time. Hence, the stifled nature of the western world.

Rules, regulations and too much constriction has offered our wood less expression and our metal full dominance. This struggle comes through our human experience as defiance, disappointment, feelings of being lost and jealousy, shame and blame. In the midst of confusion, we may choose, based on our innate focus on survival, a fight, flight or freeze response. Ultimately, another element coming forth in desperation to claim their place as anything other than metal.

We all have these experiences. I know as a teen I pushed every edge as I sifted through the confines of a very broken home. Yes, this can appear to be innate in our development - a rite of passage to expressing our growth, our space, our independence. But the force of it, the impact and traumas it creates, this comes from the perpetuation of untruths. Because these are “just the ages we start to lie, defy and claim our rights.”

Why? If we find our youth pushing so hard, could we stop and be in wonder ~ what are they pushing against?

When we give ourselves the freedom of wood, we offer the expression itself to find boundaries. And I mean ones that are actually real, not constructed by a man made world of metal. It is possible for our youth to explore the edges - safely and a bit beyond - and still return to dinner respectful and present. It is our duty as adults to guide them and to lean into our own real values, not just repeat the old “isms” of the past. Empty words with mismatched actions. We can do better.

When our children fall in love with art, we can be the first to build their confidence, instead of diverting to a different avenue that would “look more successful” or make more money. When they bully someone, we can sit beside them softly encouraging an excavation of their inner landscape. Be brave enough to find the truth and be with it - what they are really experiencing. We help them to feel seen and safe, as we slowly chisel away at that hardened outer layer.

Most especially, we allow them to emotionally crumble. Full acceptance of the softening and the tears. We don’t fix or demand change. We let them ride. Then, we catch them to regulate again.

I noticed in the years my daughter was a toddler, when something upset her the fierce crying would come. Her chest upheaving and her little red face streaming with water. My heart would sink and my initial response would be a desire to fix it. Oh honey, don’t cry. It’s ok. How can I make this better?

Yet, when I took a breath and felt inside my own body what my actual truth is, I realized allowing her to move through the emotion felt much healthier. I began to steady myself in the potency that comes with just staying near, recognizing and naming that I see her pain. When appropriate, I may ask if holding a hand on her back would feel good. And most of all, I offer complete understanding. Yes, this hurts and you are really feeling it right now. Go ahead. Let it out.

Tears are a perfect example of our body offering us a way back to our most balanced state. Releasing grief, frustration and panic can all be our water element just aching to be freed. We may even cry with happiness. A signaling when ‘too much of anything’ overwhelms our being and our body seeks a way to let go of the excess. We are sentient beings. We are here to feel it all. And to actually, then, let it be.

The key is attuning to the consequences of our responses. We can express ourselves freely, as long as it does not harm others. This has become the simplest way to describe our parenting style.

The wood element is welcome, as we foster creativity, growth, and freedom. While also we give thanks to our metal for offering the container within which we get to create. The fire opens the heart for pleasure in the process and earth steadies us over and over again. Each of these elements hold the potential of balance, excess and depletion. Our cells are in a constant state of rearranging them in order to find the center, again and again and again.

Our bodies innately do this. Our children innately do this. People are innately good. I believe this in my persistent optimism.

Still, I do not declare that optimism is the way. A healthy headspace explores all realms and settles itself where comfort and truth live inside. I simply offer that we do not have to live in divisive, constrictive mindsets.

I choose not to teach my daughter polar ways of being when, in our very beings, we hold a multitude of components that all mingle and balance within us. We can allow our multi faceted complex human system to discover a settling at a center, unique to each of us. And stand in our gratitude first, the very celebration that we hold such magnificent power at all.

I am not looking to decide if the glass is half empty or half full, nor am I passing judgment that one way or the other is better. I am simply grateful to have the glass at all. And, of course, a sip of nourishing water.

~~~

Thank you for being here.

Love,

Adge

*Note: Inspirational quote pulled from author Charlie Mackesy’s book: The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse (2019).

The book is a collection of illustrated reflections about kindness, vulnerability, and perspective, and I refer to the concepts when teaching kids about nervous system regulation, inner dialogue/brain chatter and the power of our innate kindness.

Recommended :)

For more Rebel Heart Revolution opportunity ~ adgeofwellness.com

Fiercely following my heART, holding all of life sacred and spreading love as our greatest rebellious power. Writing, movement, energy healing and breath ~ this is how we stay connected here. Love to you.

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