What I’ve learned in 40yrs 😱😱

Hi to everyone!

One moth ago was my birthday for more or less all last and part of this yr I struggled thinking: “why why 40?WHY??” more or less like Joey in friends I add the link of the video here, so u can understand more my reaction 😅🤣🤣.

For the society at 40th u should know everything and u should have done always everything, it’s the age where u should have at least 2 kids, u have the job of ur dream or a job that pay ur bills, practically after 40 u should simply wait ur day.

So technically the 30th are seen like the yrs where everything has to happens, from 30 to 39 u have to do everything in ur power to be sure that at 40th u will have to be where the society wants u.

I don’t have kids, I have a job that I like the major part of the time what I don’t like of my job are the unkind people and the salary who is never change in 7 yrs YES SEVEN YRS with the same salary 😳🔫.

I’m looking for another job, I found some websites about freelance work, but in a lot of it there isn’t written the name of the brand will hire u, those don’t gave me any reliablity, if u know some good websites could u share the link here? THANK U 💕

So for the society I’m a sort of strange creature, I’m like a work in progress and honestly I LOVE IT!

That means I’m like a painting in evolution, and I didn’t know what there will be in my future give to me so much energy and curiosity.

At the same time part of me didn’t accept the 40th, I realised that the reason why I didn’t accept this yr isn’t because the next step it will be 50yrs then 60-70-80 etc. but simply because it’s my constant reminder of the fact my dad is gone, 40 it’s a very important goal and thinking to I had to celebrate this without my dad it’s difficult to accept.

He gone 27yrs ago the day after my birthday, for sure he knew how to make a dramatic exit from a party (I become pretty good with dark humor).

I know it is sad, but it would be worst if he was gone the day of my birthday.

During his last week my parents had decided to send me on a church vacation, yes worst idea ever, the day of return was on the day of my birthday.

I still thinking my dad was waiting for my return and he did everything to stay in this world so we could see each other a last time.

I always do something to remember him, in those moment it’s like if the distance were reduce, I cook his fav dishes or I made a BBQ, I go to ride with his bicycle, actually I always use his bike but when I want remember him I try to find a special place where I can go, and I drink a beer because during our BBQ he let me drink the foam (guys it was in the 80s it was a normal thing).

I think about how our relationship would be, if we had something in common, if we would love the same music, what he could think of me now, practically a sort of version of “Sliding doors”.

Normally during those two days I don’t work, more or less like the Luke’s dark day (Gilmore Girls), but this yr I had to work.

So I thought what I could do to honour him in this day, I decided to ask to a pastry shop to create a cake that as a tribute to the important people of my life that are gone and some that are still in my life.

“Trova giudizio” “Find judgement” was one of the things my granpa always said before before we said goodbye.

“Piano piano andiamo avanti” “slowly we go on” it’s what the nan of Davide always say to us, when we ask to her “how are u?”.

This is the phrase my Dad always said to me, it’s a way of saying used when kids do something wrong.

This is written with the slang of Bologna means: “getting old it’s a bad thing”, my granpa use to say it every time I said goodbye to him before going home he always said: “La vciaia l’è una bròtta bagaia” and “trova giudizio”.

On the top “tanto non li dimostro” this means I don’t look like my age, and honestly it’s true.

I’ve celebrated twice my bday, the first time with my fam and the second with the fam of my husband.

This for two reasons the house of my mum is small and there isn’t space for all, the father of my husband have the birthday on 7 July so we celebrate both bday, my husband this yr bringed the party to another level and we had a BBQ of course.

There are few pics of me in general because I’m the photographer during each event, yes even during my bday, so if my husband didn't take pictures of me there wouldn't be any pictures of me even on my birthday.

I made the cake it’s a biscoff lotus cheese cake, I had so many problems doing this, never made a cake the first time for a double bday I went with my husband twice at supermarket to buy the ingredients again. But the flavour was so good!!

I started thinking also about what I’ve learned in this yrs and for what I’m grateful I thought why not sharing all with u.

Now I imagine all the people over my age saying: “damn millennials” 🤣🤣

Friendship is the real richness.

When u are extremely young like from 10-16yrs, you think friends are those people with who you talk all the day at school and after, it’s impossible thinking to be friends without talking all the days to each other for almost all the day.

From 14 until 17 in summer I spent so many times with my friends that my mum asked me if I thought to be in an hotel, she was right of course I acted as if it was, I stayed for breakfast and she would see me again for dinner or directly at 10pm.

When u start working and in particular when u finally grow up you understand how the things change so quickly, how the real friendship is, real friends could not contact you everyday but they are always on your side when you have to face with something difficult.

It’s really not important spending all the day talking or messaging etc., for me now an act of friendship is writing each other when u see something that u know ur friends will absolutely LOVE, there is something better than someone in ur life that in a so simply way say “I was thinking to u” or “I wanted make u smile or laugh”.

There are also different friends for different part of our soul: one with u feel comfortable to share ur deepest secrets (even when aren’t so deeper), one with u prefer go to see sports, one with u love talking about artist, one with u could talk about restaurants and food etc. are like the colours in the rainbow 🌈 all different but together are breathtaking.

What I never thought it would be possible was starting a friendship online, this happened to me twice for sure, thanks them now I’m more open to the idea of making friends not only in the real world.

I could sound a little bit boomer now, but I always thought friends are the people u see in real life, online u have the 98% of possibilities to get tricked in some ways.

In Italy unfortunately like in other countries I think, there are a lot of people who take advantage to other using social media, maybe if the owner of those would take care of the security instead of the sponsors it would work way more better.

Right Zuckerberg? 😏

I met this two people in different ways but with both the food was the initial connection, guys I’m still Italian 🇮🇹 u should already know that food is the most important thing for us.

With the yrs I learned so much from them, both have a really great soul and both were and are always so patient and kind with me and believe me isn’t so easy 😅.

I’m always curious, I’m impatient, when I know something will happen or I will receive something, I’m like one of those boring child who always ask: “are we arrived? And now? Are we arrived now”, so I would totally understood if at one point they would decide to telling me: “Girl that’s enough”.

They really helped me to open my mind to new things, to change my perception, to looking things from a different prospective, to laugh of my grammatical mistakes like when once I wrote “pottling*” instead of “pootling” and they making me understand that in this world EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

When I have a bad day or I feel sad, I go to look what they've been up to lately, because I’m already sure I will see something inspiring or something good for my soul and instantly my faith in humanity will be recharged.

Every time I think to all the good people in my life, I really don’t understand what I’ve done of good in a previous life.

Maybe I have only eaten tortellini with cream or broth, of course when something bad happens I think that maybe I eaten tortellini with ragù and I deserve it.

Just to let u know the gravity of eating tortellini with ragù, for people of Bologna if u eat it u are a beast of satan.

Acts of kindness are priceless

I don’t think there is something more powerful than an act of kindness in particular from someone u don’t know.

When u gave or receive one of this from or to someone this creates a domino effect.

It could be something easy like hold the door (hodor.. sorry my nerd side had to go out at some point), letting someone go before u at the checkout because they only have one product to buy, helping someone to carry a luggage in the train, waking up someone when u are at the last stop (hoping it was her/his destination), there are thousands, millions of act of kindness u can easily do, for sure u will never think u made a big thing but from the other person's point of view, I can assure you that you will have changed their day, and surely in turn they will help someone else.

This are three act of kindness I’ve received during my travels, I write about this outside Italy simply because it always make me feel fine and happy seeing that kindness is everywhere.

During my second solo travel and the first solo in London a LOT of yrs ago, I took the tube and it stopped in Victoria Station, I thought there was a pause of some minutes I saw everyone going out except me and few people, so I thought was a normal thing in a big station.

I was listening music and I missed the message that maybe there was a bomb inside the station, so a Bobby (police man) come to me asking if I haven’t listened the message, he explained me the situation my answer was: “ok but if there is a bomb there aren’t less possibilities to stay alive leaving from here to go to a different station instead of walking for miles to the exit?”…

U can imagine his answer, still I don’t know why he hasn’t decided to arrest me in that moment, maybe he understood I was a stupid young girl.

I will be forever grateful for his kindness, in particular because if u think that get arrested is hard, I can assure u the reaction of an Italian mum would be even worst, in that case I would ask them to keep me in safe inside the jail 🤣🤣🤣.

During that holiday I found also a wonderful woman from Japan who offered me a meal at a thai restaurant (first time for me) and I was completely broke during that holiday (long story), so she saved me with that meal.

I never went in this restaurant but I loved the colour.

I love this palace, inside there is a fancy mall it’s so fancy that the first time I went inside I felt so freaking poor and unconfortable, I was younger so now for sure I would have a better impress, the palace outside is stunning.

I bought this during my last time in London, it made me smile everytime.

Once I was at the airport of Dublin ❤️ in a coffee shop with all the tables full, me and my husband have a problem with the breakfast if we see there are cake, so we had this large tray full of slice of cakes and two cappuccini of course.

In one of the table there was this extremely kind blond girl, with blue eyes and a big smile, she looked me and my husband and invited us to join her, because she was sitting in this big table alone and then she invited other persons until the table was full.

She talked to me for few sec before returning to read the book, she told me that it have no sense having so many free seats and be alone.

I’m extremely grateful to her! How many time u see people alone at table, in places very crowded that simply don’t look at the people around them?

I also do it sometimes when I don’t want to have people near, with my work I see so MANY people each day that I need time without humans 🤣🤣.

So the fact she asked to all those people to join her, made me understand how a simple gesture like this could change in a positive way the day of other people.

Plus after the was a very nice woman at the security check who called me “sweetheart” I LOVE IRISH PEOPLE!

We went in this pub yrs ago, at one point someone ordered a glass of wine with glass and… the barman said that he will never add ice in the wine because in Italy they don’t do it, I wanted to hug him.

I’m not a fan of Oscar Wilde but when I was 16 I read a phrase that made me feel less lonely: “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”.

It was one of the first moments where I thought at one point everything be okay, or that I would still find peace.

Dub and London for me are always the best remedy.

When we were in Fuerteventura yrs ago we arrived in this beautiful beach called “Cofete” the street to reach this place was a real mess, when we arrived at the park the front wheels of the car sank into the sand 😭😱😱.

We started pushing the car with zero results, when I was trying to understand how to call the rental office to explain in SPANISH* that our car was impossible to move and that maybe we would have slept on the beach under the stars (honestly I was hoping for this option) if no one had come to our rescue.

And like in the movie there was this guy came out of the camper next to our car who started helping us without asking, and then he called other friends and in less than 5min, we were pushing the car with 8-10 guys 🤩🤩.. ant IT WORKED!! 💪💪💪💪

Unluckily at the beach of Cofete there aren’t bar, restaurant etc. there is a coffee shop but it’s at 20 min, otherwise I would buy immediately something to treat them.

I thought I could ask them to join us after for a coffee but when we were back to the parking, they were gone.

If one day I will see them again, I hope to treat them.

I received a lot of act of kindness of course, once a german guy helped me get my suitcase off the train without asking, a lady who gave us her tickets at the cinema because her friend was late, when I think to all those I always smile.

The best gift!

The only “gift” u need to do to yourself is acceptance.

I know I said it a LOT of times, but it’s true it’s a difficult and easy at the same time.

Acceptance is the only answer, we have an idea how everything has to go, how our job will be, how our life has to be, the university, the house, the perfect boyfriend (when I was 13 I thought my perfect boyfriend would be Ricky Martin.. yes I was SO wrong..😂😂), our health, for each single small thing in our life we have different expectations.

I’m for two things here:

1. DO EVERYTHING in ur power to make ur dreams come true, fight for them, study, practice, do really all in ur power to persuade until u will reach ur dreams.

2. If u have tried several times, if u can’t change the situation accept it and give urself time, it wouldn’t be a easy pathway but one day u will be grateful, because those decisions for sure had bringed u in a new direction.

I always think to acceptance like a wine, initially it’s just grape juice (my uncle would kill me for this affirmation) it need time to become a perfect wine.

I had to accept a LOT of things in my life in particular the fact that Ricky Martin isn’t my husband 😝😝 just kidding of course, and everytime giving myself the time to process all the the emotions was always the best thing to do.

Food is life and love

Once again YES 100% Italian even if I looks like a Scandinavian girl, that’s why I always say I was a Viking in a previous life😝.

Food is like a magic glue, food connects e everyone and it’s also our fuel so remember to select always the best food that doesn’t mean the most expensive, but to select the best and freshest ingredients u could find.

If u go to the farmers u will save a lot of money and the price it’s always convenient, and the quality always high.

Every time I think to food, basically 24/24h even when I sleep 😴🤣, I think about how the food in my country is easy to make but at the same time have a complex story, we were one of the most invaded country ever. Thanks god I’m born in 1985, even if I was lived in those periods I’m imagining me asking to a Viking: “hey ma voi avete il parmigiano reggiano? Vuoi sentire come mi sono venuti gli spaghetti oggi? Non sai cosa sono gli spaghetti? Mamma mia ma sei proprio un barbaro dai prendi una sedia che ti sistemo io ora” “hey do u have parmesan cheese? Do u want to hear how my spaghetti turned out today? You don't know what spaghetti is? Mamma mia you're such a barbarian come on grab a chair and I'll take care of u now".

Thanks all this invasions our food culture it’s extremely variegated like a beautiful painting.

If u go in the north of Sardinia there is Alghero who is called “the little Barcelona”, because the streets are similar and they serve delicious paella and Catalan-style lobster thanks to the Spanish invasion, the Arabian brings a LOT of things: oranges, lemons, cous cous, rice, almonds, pistachio and they taught us how to make marzipan, which is still very famous in Sicily.

And of course the Roman Emperor traveled everywhere in Europe and they took everything that interested them like the vine and thanks this we are famous now for our wine.

All this different ingredients who have arrived from all over the world simply live together, in this mix of colours and flavours and with the recipes we understood how to combine them and enhance them as if they were elements of a perfect symphony.

This is also why I think that if people will know the story behind the recipe and ingredients maybe will stop to be racist.

Recently in Italy there was this crazy news about In this days on the news of Italy u can read about the fact that some young foreigners went to a bar, and when they heard “negroni” they thought it was a racist insult and not the cocktail. So they started insulting the customers and the barman and it came close to a fight. If you take the name “negroni” literally in Italian it also means big black men, but no one uses it as a term.

Ok only racists can certainly use it in a negative sense, but obviously the customers were referring to the name of the cocktail.

I discovered that even part of Italian have no idea how is born this cocktail.

If u want to know more I wrote about it time ago.

My golden rule is u can solve any type of problems “a tavola” at the table.

That’s always make me thought why all the leaders of the world when there aren’t agree , they can’t simply organise a big lunch together? Like the one in the south of Italy that starts at 12 and u never know when they will finish, or if the lunch will be transformed in a dinner.

Still sure that if one day they will decide to do it, we will discover a world without wars.

U NEED to go to Harrods only for seeing all this exotic fruit.

• I understood that it’s normal be scared from a lot of things, but I always try to go through my fears. That’s why I always give a try to go inside boat or to go on higher point, because maybe one day I will stop being scared.

• I discovered the vacuum bags that don't require a vacuum cleaner or anything else to make the vacuum and they have become my travel BFF. U have to buy it are incredible.

• If u want ask to someone to make u a photo, ask always to someone u can easily reach running. So in case he/she is a thief u will have no problem to having back ur phone or camera. 😝😝

• After 40yrs I still don’t know why when I’m eating even if I pay attention I always manage to get food on my face, one time I had some sauce on my nose another time it was on my cheek. This happens even when I’m extremely careful, maybe this happens only because food loves me..

Those are part of the things I learned, I was and I’m lucky because around me I have good people, I’m lucky because I learned quickly how to avoid toxic people.

How Shrek says: “we are layered like onions” but I’m Italian plus I’m born in Bologna so I’m layered like a LASAGNA!😂😂

What is the one thing you have learned that you value the most? What are you grateful for?

Thaks a lot for reading, like always if u liked it share it with everyone.

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To all my subscribers THANK U U ARE AWESOME! 🥰🥰🥰

To the others I love u anyway but what are u waiting for? It’s free!😁

Wishing u a fantastic week! 💕💕

Laura

*In Italy we use to say “Spadellare” that means cooking without a precise idea, a person who moves many pots and pans in the kitchen to create one or more dishes, so pottling could be used to explain this right? 😏😂😂

*in Fuerteventura it’s extremely rare finding someone who talk in Eng, luckily I learned Spanish at work.