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Today’s post is about love. Not the love you are thinking of, but the love that we ought to feel about ourselves.

Is your Instagram feed full of loving yourself first posts, too?

Does it also say that you cannot love others before you love yourself?

Does it also say that you cannot be your true self until you love and maybe forgive yourself?

Maybe you should be calm in the process?

How do you feel when you read that? Empowered? Enlightened? Frustrated? Confused?

I am the latter two.

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Like, how exactly do you do that? Need to get that retreat? Need a spa day? How?

Instagram says you can’t love anyone until you love yourself.

That’s… a nice slogan. But real life doesn’t work like that.

You don’t need perfect self-esteem to show up for others—you need values, not vibes.

I am not saying that it doesn’t help sometimes to love yourself when living your life.

What I am saying is that love, just like any other emotion, is just that - an emotion.

And it is unrealistic and potentially dangerous to strive to feel just one emotion about yourself.

Do you feel just one emotion about any other thing in your life?

Do you only feel love for your kid? Or you also feel anger, frustration, compassion, pride etc?

Or about your partner. Or about your job, even the one that you are passionate about?

I bet you don’t. So why have the expectation to feel only love for yourself?

In ACT we focus on acting guided by your values, not acting when you feel perfect.

Action guided by values means you do the things that are important to you, even though sometimes you don’t like yourself.

You go to the gym, even if you feel bored.

You say “thank you” when receiving a compliment, even if your mind is telling you you are not worthy.

So let’s see a quick exercise for you to try this week:

Take a moment to connect with what you are feeling towards yourself now. Maybe you feel love, maybe disappointment, maybe boredom, maybe anxiety
Think about an act of care you want to make towards yourself. Maybe you’ve been thinking about eating something healthy. Or maybe reading a bit from that book. Or maybe go hug your partner or your child.
Write down an action that you could take this week for yourself, regardless of the emotion that you are feeling.

You don’t need to win the self-love lottery before you’re allowed to care for others or yourself.

Pick one small action today that reflects your values—not your self-esteem level.

Love is something you do, not a feeling you wait for.

You Don’t Need to Love Yourself First