©Becca Tapert, unsplash.com
After many years of living together, is teamwork easy for you, or do you still want to improve it?
While it’s often in the early stages of a couple’s relationship that you work out the flow of tasks that keep your home and family running smoothly, each new stage can bring challenges. Janelle and Ricardo found that, even though they were both working, it was easy to divide up who did what. Then they adopted twin boys, and nothing was simple. Both of them valued community service, so they had to experiment to find activities the boys could join. A few years later, Ricardo established a home-based business, Janelle was promoted at work, and her mother began living in an apartment attached to their home. With every big change, they went back to an Accordia Way evaluation of their situation and how to respond.
Mai and Chin have been married for 25 years, and they no longer have children living with them. Here is their reflection:
“Whoever is best at a task should do it and be fully supported by the other partner. One manages the bills, the other cooks the meals or does the laundry. Sharing these household tasks makes life and routines easier, but if the other wishes to step out of the usual role, we fully support that 100%! For example, my husband will cook a great meal on occasion when I am tired of cooking. Generally, though, I love cooking, and he handles the cleanup.”
“For the family business, we also maintain a special file with detailed documents and instructions for all assets, debts, wills, and more, so that no one is lost in a tangle of financial affairs if and when one of us dies unexpectedly. We like to support one another’s preferences for music, the arts, and other things that might be enjoyable to the other. This pushes us out of our comfort zones. We like to plan gatherings for family members, friends, and neighbors, and we share hosting responsibilities. Heavy yard work is shared, but the garden is my domain, while the lawn is my husband’s.”
It’s wise for couples to take time to reflect on the quality and flow of their relationship and home life. How often do you find this type of check-in works well?
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Quarterly
Annually
Or some combination of these? You might check in with each other daily and then take a more detailed look at what’s happening every three months. You might like to get away for a weekend around your wedding anniversary to assess whether any changes are needed in the months ahead. If you have spiritual practices you enjoy, you can incorporate them into your reflection time.
This Accordia Way practice of reflection helps you consciously create the relationship or marriage you both want. You assess what you both love about your life together and determine what will enhance it. If you are stuck for ideas, we are happy to help.
Coach Susanne M. Alexander
If you’d like to become more mindful of how to navigate difficult moments in your relationship, the Accordia Way is designed to support you. It’s a process for making decisions together and overcoming challenges in unity, not by avoiding differences, but by learning to communicate with respect, clarity, and care.
Coach Susanne: Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
Coach Adrian: Adrian@thecoachadrian.com
Accordia Way Communication Mirror – a free 60-second check-in tool to help couples notice whether their conversations are respectful, safe, and collaborative over time. https://qrco.de/aw-mirror
“Let’s Answer Your Most Pressing Questions Together” – a simple form where you can share real questions and challenges about money, decision-making, parenting differences, and long-term planning. Your submissions help shape future videos and live sessions. https://qrco.de/aw-answer
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