Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
Gwen was soft-spoken and struggled with confidence when she and Jeff discussed serious issues. Sometimes Jeff spoke in a dominant tone and interrupted her, which made her hold back her thoughts. As a result, their discussions were rarely satisfactory.
Karl and Janet struggled with speaking over each other and not listening to each other.
Carolina and Jorge fell into an attack-and-defense dynamic, causing withdrawal and unhappiness.
Accordia Way takes the approach that you are equal partners, each with a valid voice and each needing to share that voice as applicable to the topic at hand. However, how that communication happens needs to follow some Accordia Way guidelines.
1. Take turns: You can’t hear each other if you are both speaking. If you need to slow the pace, use an object, such as a pen, and pass it back and forth to indicate who speaks and who listens. Of course, be fair about sharing the time.
2. Respect your voices: It’s vital that you both share your thoughts and feelings about the topic under discussion for the outcome to be fair and complete. If either of you withholds or dominates, the outcome is impaired.
3. Don’t force a decision: If either of you needs time to reflect, pray, or sleep before deciding, allow that time. Often, inspiration and new ideas emerge when you take a break from discussion.
4. Moderate tone and volume: If either of you gets loud, critical, or angry, it will likely shut the other down. Sharing and listening tend to stop. Alternatively, if the other gets loud, critical, or angry in response, not only is communication disrupted, but it is likely you are both hurting each other’s feelings. If you keep your voices conversational and collaborative, the outcome improves.
As you successfully practice new communication skills, your relationship and sense of unity will improve. You will begin to look forward to having couple discussions. Accordia Way is happy to help with this process!
Coach Susanne M. Alexander
If you’d like to become more mindful of how to navigate difficult moments in your relationship, the Accordia Way is designed to support you. It’s a process for making decisions together and overcoming challenges in unity, not by avoiding differences, but by learning to communicate with respect, clarity, and care.
Coach Susanne: Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
Coach Adrian: Adrian@thecoachadrian.com
1. Accordia Way Communication Mirror – a free 60-second check-in tool to help couples notice whether their conversations are respectful, safe, and collaborative over time. https://qrco.de/aw-mirror
2. “Let’s Answer Your Most Pressing Questions Together” – a simple form where you can share real questions and challenges about money, decision-making, parenting differences, and long-term planning. Your submissions help shape future videos and live sessions. https://qrco.de/aw-answer
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