©Andrik Langfield, unsplash
Note: There are Resources for you at the bottom of the article!
If you are like most couples, the sheer number of decisions you have to make every day, both as a couple and as a family, can become exhausting. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, you feel drained from trying to make too many decisions.
If you have several major decisions to make in a short period, you may be tempted to bypass the required Accordia Way communications to move things forward. However, the consequences can be negative or even devastating.
Zoe and Richard needed to move out of their apartment and wanted to move into a house, so they began house hunting with a focus on finding a new place quickly. At the same time, their daughter’s doctor was pressuring them to decide on a medical procedure, so they wanted to research it and get a second opinion. In the midst of these issues, Richard had a car accident, and they had to deal with insurance companies and lawyers. Thankfully, he wasn’t seriously injured, but the car was undriveable. They felt overwhelmed, and their ability to make effective decisions suffered.
Alternatively, in Camilla and Erik’s case, the decision fatigue arose simply from the course of everyday life. Who was going to do the grocery shopping, help their son shop for a suit for a special occasion, find a new home insurance company, tutor their other son in math, tidy the house for visitors, and more?
It’s somewhat ironic, but it can help to make decisions that reduce the number of decisions you have to make. And it’s wise to consider the potential consequences of the choices below.
In the complexity of your lives, the following approaches may help you:
At times, you can choose to defer or delegate, with one of you taking the lead. This approach is especially effective when one of you has more expertise or ability in an area. For example, Richard has extensive experience buying cars, so Zoe can leave the task of finding a replacement car after the accident to him.
You can agree on the tasks and responsibilities each of you will handle, and commit to keeping each other informed of progress. Camilla is very skilled with accounting software, and Erik leaves the financial management of their lives to her. However, they meet monthly to review the essential details, and some matters, such as a significant investment, are brought back to them as a couple to decide.
At times, it makes sense to hire someone to consult with you or handle certain matters. Zoe and Richard started house hunting online and didn’t have a realtor to work with. They decided it was better to have someone looking for what they needed. They also agreed that any purchase would be a mutual decision. They didn’t want to end up with a place that needed major repairs or in a place one of them wasn’t comfortable living in. They agreed on the value of living in a friendly, safe neighborhood where they could get involved in the community.
However, there is a caution about very important decisions. For these, it’s vital that you set aside time to explore your thoughts and feelings about the matter and reach a unified decision on how to handle it. If you value spiritual practices, you can likely benefit from adding prayer to your decision-making process.
When you feel decision fatigue creeping into your relationship, empathizing with each other, taking a moment for a hug, and recognizing that you have choices help keep you connected and moving forward.
Coach Susanne M. Alexander
If you’d like to become more mindful of how to navigate difficult moments in your relationship, the Accordia Way is designed to support you. It’s a process for making decisions together and overcoming challenges in unity, not by avoiding differences, but by learning to communicate with respect, clarity, and care.
Could your relationship benefit from coaching? We are happy to be of service:
Coach Susanne: Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
Coach Adrian: Adrian@thecoachadrian.com
No-Cost Accordia Way Resources
1. Accordia Way Communication Mirror – a free 60-second check-in tool to help couples notice whether their conversations are respectful, safe, and collaborative over time. https://qrco.de/aw-mirror
2. “Let’s Answer Your Most Pressing Questions Together” – a simple form where you can share real questions and challenges about money, decision-making, parenting differences, and long-term planning. Your submissions help shape future videos and live sessions. https://qrco.de/aw-answer
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