Liza was feeling overwhelmed and began telling her husband, Janson, everything he needed to do and how he needed to change his behavior. With all of Liza’s criticism and corrections, he was starting to get angry and resist her comments. They had bypassed an important step: Accordia Way consultation.
Whenever either of them feels overwhelmed, they agree to reach out to each other and consult about what needs to be done, who will do it, and how they can work as a team to improve the situation.
Once a week, they share their calendars and assess whether there will be any problem areas. They consult and agree on how to handle the challenges.
When a pattern of criticism and correction begins, the recipient calls for a timeout. They take a few minutes to calm down, then consult on what needs to be done. This includes building understanding of what might have contributed to the issue, such as hunger, perfectionism, an unspoken deadline, and more.
They recognize that when they are in a mode of “I’m right, and you’re wrong,” they seriously disrupt their connection and unity. Practicing tolerance for different approaches to tasks will increase their ability to move forward peacefully.
Couples can cause problems when they interact as if they are parents rather than collaborating adults. If Liza talks to her husband as if he is a child who needs to behave better, he is likely to push back and object. If either of them communicates in a way that tries to control the other person, trouble results. Remembering that you are both adults, and speaking to each other with love, and doing Accordia Way consultation as partners will contribute to happier outcomes.
Coach Susanne M. Alexander
If you’d like to become more mindful of how to navigate difficult moments in your relationship, the Accordia Way is designed to support you. It’s a process for making decisions together and overcoming challenges in unity, not by avoiding differences, but by learning to communicate with respect, clarity, and care.
Coach Susanne: Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
Coach Adrian: Adrian@thecoachadrian.com
1. Accordia Way Communication Mirror – a free 60-second check-in tool to help couples notice whether their conversations are respectful, safe, and collaborative over time. https://qrco.de/aw-mirror
2. “Let’s Answer Your Most Pressing Questions Together” – a simple form where you can share real questions and challenges about money, decision-making, parenting differences, and long-term planning. Your submissions help shape future videos and live sessions. https://qrco.de/aw-answer
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