The Prophet’s ﷺ Methods with Children

Note: The insights shared in this Substack are drawn from “خطاب النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم للطفل المسلم” by Muhammad ibn Ṣāliḥ ibn ʿAlī al-ʿAlawī, a Master’s thesis from Umm al-Qura University. I am presenting here a summarized version of some key chapters from the work.

If we look at how the Prophet ﷺ spoke, dealt, and behaved with children, researchers mention that we can break it down into three different categories:

1. Intellectual Methods (الأساليب الفكرية)

2. Psychological Methods (الأساليب النفسية)

3. Linguistic Methods (الأساليب اللغوية)

Furthermore, each of these can be broken down further into subcategories, which will be explored in this post.

The Prophet ﷺ is narrated to have used several different intellectual approaches with children. From them:

Sahl ibn Sa‘d reported:

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ was brought a cup and he drank from it. On his right side was a boy—the youngest of the group—and on his left were the elders. The Prophet ﷺ said: “O young boy, do you permit me to give it to the elders first?”
The boy replied: “By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, I would not give up my share of drinking from you for anyone.”
So the Prophet ﷺ handed it to him.
(Bukhari)

These types of conversations are crucial for building a child’s intellectual capability and their ability to express themselves with confidence.

Nowadays, we often find children unable to hold a simple conversation with adults or others who may be obedient but only from a place of compulsion, since no space is given to the child to express their own opinion. We must remember that obedience without conviction does not make a child eager to take responsibility. That desire does not grow through force and coercion but naturally, through the values and habits that the child learns

‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah reported:

I was a young boy under the care of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and my hand used to wander all around the dish. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said to me: “Young boy, mention the name of Allah, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you.” That became my way of eating afterward.
(Bukhari)

This shows us the importance of extending and broadening the idea of education and learning, instead of restricting it to a room, hours, and textbooks.

Of course, the Prophet ﷺ was a walking example of what Islam and its teachings are, as Allah says:

“Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example.” (Qur’an 33:21)

Likewise, Aisha famously said:

“His character was the Qur’an.”

So, as parents, we need to work hard to try our best to be a living example of what a Muslim should be. Do not just tell your children to read the Qur’an; do so yourself. Do not just tell them to pray their sunnah; pray it yourself.

How can we try to emulate the teachings of the Qur’an if we do not know them?

The second set of methods we find in the Prophet’s ﷺ guidance can also be broken down into three categories:

A great sign of our Prophet’s humility was how he spent significant amounts of time playing with children. This is something that many fathers today forget about due to our focus on providing food and discipline.

One of the most powerful signs of the importance of this is the fact that the Prophet ﷺ prolonged the obligatory prayer in congregation for his two grandsons to enjoy playing on his back:

Shidad ibn al-Had reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, came out to us for one of the evening prayers and he was carrying his grandson Hasan, or Husayn. The Prophet came forward and put him down, then began prayer with exaltation and prayed. He prostrated at the end of his prayer for a long time. I raised my head and the child was upon the Prophet’s back while he was prostrating, so I returned to my prostration. When the Prophet finished the prayer, people said, “O Messenger of Allah, you prostrated at the end of your prayer for a long time, until we thought something happened or you received a revelation.” The Prophet said, “None of that that happened. Rather, my grandson was riding on my back and I disliked to rush him before he met his needs.”

Source: Sunan al-Nasā’ī 1141

Thus, it is pivotal that we as parents understand the importance of play.

There are numerous hadith that show the Prophet ﷺ being humorous with children.

From the most famous is the hadith of Abu ‘Umayr:

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ would come to us and I had a little brother whose nickname was Abu ‘Umayr. He had a pet sparrow he used to play with and it died. The Prophet entered one day and saw him grieving, so he said: “O Abu ‘Umayr, what happened to the little sparrow?”
(Abu Dawud 4969)

Likewise, the hadith where the Prophet ﷺ joked with Anas saying:

“O possessor of two ears!”
(Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

Children are at a crucial stage in life where they are building their sense of self-worth, and as educators, we play a vital role in that development.

We see multiple instances where the Prophet ﷺ encouraged and made du‘a for his companions. One of the most famous is his du‘a for Ibn ‘Abbas:

Ibn ‘Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ came out from relieving himself, and I had placed water for his ablution. He asked: “Who placed this here?”
They said: “Ibn ‘Abbas.”
The Prophet ﷺ then said: “O Allah, grant him deep understanding of the religion.”
(Muslim, Tirmidhi)

The last category concerns the Prophet’s ﷺ method of speaking to children, which can also be broken down:

The Prophet ﷺ would call children in endearing and personal ways:

• By their kunya (nickname): “O Abu ‘Umayr, what happened to the little sparrow?”

• By playful humor: “O possessor of two ears!”

• By age/relationship terms: “Young boy” or even “son.”

This shows how words and names deeply affect children and people in general.

The Prophet ﷺ spoke in a way that was easy to understand, especially with children.

“Young boy, mention the name of Allah, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you.”

This is something even Ibn Khaldun mentioned in his Muqaddimah when speaking about pedagogy: “Likewise, you should not prolong the student’s study of a single subject by spreading it out over many separate sessions and breaking them apart, for that becomes a cause of forgetfulness and of the issues of the subject becoming disconnected from one another.”

Anas ibn Malik reported:

When the Prophet ﷺ would speak, he repeated himself three times until he was understood. Whenever he came to people and greeted them with peace, he would greet them three times.
(Bukhari 95)

An important point to highlight is that the Prophet ﷺ not only used to repeat his words but also important concepts and mannerisms.

The Prophet ﷺ showed us how to raise and guide children with wisdom, mercy, and care. His methods were practical and balanced. He spoke to children in ways that built their confidence, played with them to show love, encouraged them with kind words, and taught them through his own example.

For parents and teachers today, this is a reminder that raising children is not about control but about presence, love, and guidance. If we want our children to grow into strong and responsible Muslims, we must try to follow the way of the Prophet ﷺ in our daily lives.

May Allah help us raise our children with the same kindness and wisdom.