it’s not christmas, but please call.

we met in December. it was a christmas dinner, colourful lights surrounded us. suddenly i opened my phone so quickly every morning as if your message was the real advent calendar. suddenly my days were consumed by the thought of you rather than my desire for presents. i had never enjoyed a winter as much as the one i had with you.

but it’s june now, and you’re not here. it’s june, and i’m watching christmas films that i used to fall asleep to. i pretend that it’s winter, i’m pretending that you still love me. i wear my large, thick coat that i once wore so that i could withstand the cold weather, so that i could spend more hours with you. it’s sunny outside, i sweat unbearable amounts but atleast i get to carry a part of you with me. atleast i get to pretend.

you always loved me more in the winter, when we had no choice but to attend christmas parties where we would see one another. i lie in bed, counting down the days until December. maybe the christmas films will force you to remember the times when we would watch them together. the times when you would love me.

if i was a few years younger, i’d probably ask santa to make you love me, but all i can do now is ask you. i’ll never experience a Christmas again like the ones when i was younger, the joy they would bring and the hope of happiness. all i can wish for now, is for Christmas to remind you of our time together, the joy it brought me and the hope of our happiness together.