The Fallen Continent: Making Waves (Part 2)

This is a continuation of the Making Waves post, this time covering states east of the Mississippi. Click here to read Part 1.

American Socialist Federative Republic

“—remains the last call for loyal American citizens to exchange their non-legal tender for People’s Dollars. They may be exchanged at State Labor Savings Banks at the usual agreed-upon exchange rate approved by the Council of Labor. Citizens found to be in possession of illegal currencies after this date will be subject to fines equal to the exchange rate of said currencies, excepting Minnesota wood dollars, whose possession following the final exchange day is punishable by three months’ hard labor. The pink-coded provisional notes issued by the Red Army will remain legal tender for the duration of the—”

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Little Egypt Association

“—feels very optimistic about the economic opportunities that some kind of Mississippian trade bloc would be able to bring. Even without the Atchafalaya, access to Ozark markets without the burden of protective tariffs would do wonders for the Little Egypt economy. Think how much more you could afford groceries if—”

“Well w-wait, wait, wait, wait, wait right there Keagan, ‘cause you have to think of the, like, the obligations.”

“Like what?”

“Well, ‘cause it’s an alliance, too. What if they go to war?”

“With what, Acadia? We float a couple of gunboats down the river and lob some shells up Blanchard’s ass. Big deal. We deal with river pirates easy enough, what’s a couple of French froggy barges?”

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Social Democratic State of Lincoln

“—it’s not racist per se, but the fact that the algorithm includes so many white people and excluded so many people of color is highly problematic. Our relationship with the SPRA overall could be described as problematic, and I struggle to understand why we still maintain it. This is not progressive socialism. It’s numbers-go-up socialism, which for all intents and purposes might as well be capitalism. And it’s—listen, it’s fine, they’re really something compared to the hateful, paleolithic bigots they have to contend with in Indiana, but the longer this relationship goes on, the more it’s going to seem like a burden.”

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Amish Country Emergency District

“—crash course for our new arrivals on what to expect from their Amish neighbors. First, these are not foreigners. They are Americans, just like you, and have lived in this country for hundreds of years. They may look, act, and speak differently from most Americans, but that doesn’t make them foreign. Many of them speak German, or a special variety of German known as Pennsylvania Dutch. Most of them, however, speak English. Most notable about the Amish is their peculiar relationship with technology. Backward though they may seem, their adherence to a traditional way of life and reliance on antiquated technology was instrumental to our survival following the Great War. The food you eat today was grown by farmers who learned their methods and received their seeds and equipment from the Amish, or was perhaps grown by the Amish themselves.”

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Social Progressive Republic of America

“—issued by the Central Committee to dispel fears over a united ‘Hoosier Nation’ formed by disparate reactionary and anti-democratic elements in opposition to the progressive mission of the Republic. This so-called Hoosier Nation, made up of the rejects of Indiana, has already been pushed east behind I-65 and is retreating towards the Indianapolis Exclusion Zone and the city of Rushville. Retreating with them into the dustbin of history are such backward concepts as the anti-vaccine movement, Holocaust denial, neo-paganism, and—”

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American Council Republic

“That was Tchaikovsky’s Orchestral Suite No. 3 in G, Op. 55, performed by the Grand Rapids Philharmonic Orchestra and conducted by the brilliant Peter Krasinkin. Michigan Philharmonic Broadcasting has been continuously broadcasting music since 2031 for the sake of public enjoyment and preservation of the arts. Its efforts are sustained only by the support of its generous benefactors, including President Canaan Whitely of the American Council Republic, Secretary of Defense Dan Hershowitz of the United States government in Mount Pleasant, and King Robert of Beaver Island.”

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United States of America (Mt. Pleasant)

“—WCMU-FM, United States Public Radio. The Department of Rectitude Maintenance has made significant headway in executing President Salomon’s anti-corruption edicts. More than a dozen federal officials have been busted for racketeering in the latest DRM sweep. Preempting his apprehension by the DRM, federal judge Buddy Muir committed suicide in his Mt. Pleasant home last night. The Department of Justice announces that he will be posthumously charged with and tried for five counts of mail fraud, six counts of racketeering, four counts of perjury, and one count of criminal conspiracy.”

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State of Ohio (New American Alliance)

“—urge the public to remain calm in the face of the warlord offensive. It is at times like this that we should remember that rumor is the enemy’s strongest weapon. Despite their spirited advance, the Black Pact lacks the manpower, equipment, or discipline for a prolonged campaign in eastern Indiana. Through a defense-in-depth, the Ohio State Guard is working with the Hoosiers to—”

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United States of America (Wooster)

“Vote Scott Ostermann for President! 16 years and counting, and he hasn’t failed us yet!”

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State of West Virginia

“Hiya, Luther!”

“Hiya, Arthur!”

“Didya enjoy yer trip to Pennsylvanee?”

“Yessir, I did—but my feet hurt awful bad.”

“Whassa matter? Didya walk?”

“ No, I took one of them auto-mobiles they’ve got up’n runnin’ agin. And I told that driver to slow down, as my feet was a-hurtin’.”

“And what’d he say, Luther?”

“He said what’s my drivin’ fast got to do with your feet hurtin’?”

“And what’d you say, Luther?”

“I said the floorboards fell out in Maryland and I’ve been runnin’ ever since!”

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Second American Republic

“—the Ranks are not only the most merciful system of government yet devised, they are also the most scientifically correct. No researcher has yet disproven the Socio-Sexual Ranking Theory through Popperian empirical studies, because the Socio-Sexual Ranking Theory IS science. Quite literally all of human behavior is governed by its precepts. The immense social strife of the early 21st Century was the result of a disordered society that could not keep people in their proper place. Alphas were stripped of their noblesse oblige, workmanlike Deltas were denied their end of the bargain, all by the meddling of troublesome Gammas who were not kept in their place. Everyone who has ever attempted to discard or circumvent this natural hierarchy of the human species has only brought greater misery to mankind in so doing.”

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State of Franklin

“—may come as a surprise to some, but keen observers have long awaited the Free State’s entry into the Cookeville Pact. Inter-state politics in the American South have always been freewheeling and ephemeral, and Cookeville’s hopes of entry into the CSS were only ever a pipe dream. As it turns out, Gainesville needs the Confederacy far more than the Confederacy needs Asheville. Now Cordele is facing a far larger front than they ever prepared for, and Asheville got left without an ally. It only makes sense for them to align with the next-largest power bloc in the region, one that has a much greater need for their services and thus more to offer.”

“Now this is just my spitballing take, but I think there’s an economic motive at play here: whiskey wars. Jack Daniel’s versus Highland hooch. Liz City’s flush with scotch ever since they landed the Britain deal, and they’re flooding the market with cheap Scottish whiskey. The only truly consistent variable in Asheville’s foreign policy is their desire to keep the Atlanticists at bay, and they’re very worried about growing dependent on Liz for such a basic economic staple as alcohol. Franklin’s the only state that can hope to compete with Scotland for alcohol production. You see where I’m going with this?”

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American Empire

“—though by no means a toothless organization, the modern Klan is a good-natured and easy-going organization. I invite any of our detractors to come visit Bogalusa and observe just how genial our White Knights really are. We are slow to anger, although terrible when righteously provoked. The Arkansas separatists should understand that when we say we have an interest in attending the Greenville conference, we say this in good faith. We aren’t coming to cause trouble, only to—”

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St. Paul Republic

“The Holy See’s Dicastery for the Causes of Saints announced with indescribable joy that the Blessed Fulton J. Sheen, the 20th Century Bishop of Rochester who touched the world with his radio and television broadcasts—indeed, whose homilies are still relayed on our own Eternal World Broadcasting Network to this day—was canonized by His Holiness Pope Pius XV. The canonization Mass unfolded under the bright São Paulo sun, with thousands of New Texan Catholics in attendance, waving American flags and praying the Litany of the Saints. Greeting them in the public square, the Pope chanted the canonization formula in Latin and declared the beloved televangelist a saint, to the ecstatic cheers of Bandeirantes, New Texans, and all worldwide Catholics in attendance.”

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West Florida Liberated Zone

“—the use, possession, sale, importation and transportation of hard narcotics such as powdered cocaine, crack or crystal cocaine, methamphetamine, ecstasy, heroin, PCP and lysergic acid shall not be illegal per se, but until such time as these substances pose no further risk to the fabric of society, shall be treated by the Armed Forces and the Department of Public Safety as an anti-social activity and dealt with as the appropriate authorities see fit. The use of capital punishment is authorized in especially egregious cases.”

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Confederate States of America

“Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of the trees.”

“Ladies, gentlemen, my dearest confederates of our Confederate States, I speak to you today on the one hundred and ninety-seventh anniversary of the repose of our heroic antecessor, General Thomas Jonathan Jackson. In the Georgia of old, our ancestors commemorated Jackson’s birthday as a state holiday. It was basely repealed by those who hated us and would have seen us blotted off the face of the earth and removed from the memory of mankind, if only the Provident and Almighty God had not, in His great mercy, smote them first.”

“We have since restored Stonewall Jackson’s Day, yet we observe it not upon the date of his birth, but of his repose. Why is that? Why celebrate a man’s death? It is to remind the living that none died in vain. For the Almighty and Providential God has—”

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Fraternal American Republic

“The annual national service intake of young people aged 18 to 20 who have completed high school will begin on June 21. All citizens, confederates, and other free residents of the Republic aged from 15 to 29 must register for armed service. Mudsill laborers aged 15 to 39 must register for labor service. Free persons shall report to the nearest Militia Office, and mudsills shall report to the Labor Office.”

“National service shall consist of three years in the Fraternal Militia for free men, and five years in the Fraternal Labor Corps for mudsills. Free women shall serve for two years in either service. Women of all strata may be exempted for up to one year of national service on grounds of impending or recent maternity.”

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Democratic Socialist Colored People’s Republic

“On May 8th, an enforcement action was undertaken in New Zion, Clarendon County, in accordance with the dictates of the Anti-Settler Ordinance, ordering White Settlers to leave the sovereign territory of Colored People forthwith. Four militants affiliated with the Williamsburg County terrorist organization were neutralized in the operation. We will again remind the White Settler population of Clarendon County that they are inhabiting territory under the control of the provisional army council of the Colored People’s Republic, and will be expelled under pain of death for non-compliance with the Anti-Settler Ordinance.”

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National Salvation Front

Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane,
But the church of Jesus constant will remain.
Gates of hell can never gainst that church prevail;
We have Christ’s own promise, and that cannot fail.

Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.

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United States of America (Elizabeth City)

“WCMC 1240 AM. The daily program for the 10th of May, 2060, is as follows:

6:30 AM — Morning Farm Report: Department of Agriculture.

6:35 AM — National News and Weather: National Broadcasting Center, Elizabeth City.

7:00 AM — Good Morning America: Current Events from the National Broadcasting Center, Elizabeth City.

7:30 AM — Good Morning North Carolina: Local news, weather, and features with Jenny Albemarle, Liam Vallandigham, and Craig O’Malley.

8:00 AM — Little Orphan Annie

8:30 AM — To the Tune of the Hickory Stick

9:30 AM — Red Ryder

10:00AM — Cartography Corner: Foreign culture and world events.

10:30 AM — Grandmaster Chess

11:00 AM — Outer Banks Homesteading

12:00 PM — J.P. Knox, Attorney at Law

12:30 PM — Dr. Lothario

1:00 PM — H.M.S. Pinafore

2:30 PM — The Klerk and Roberto Show

3:00 PM — Li’l Abner

3:30 PM — Popeye the Sailor Man

4:00 PM — After School Theater: Swamp Fox. The continuing adventures of Francis Marion, the American patriot.

5:00 PM — Tales From the New West

6:00 PM — Local News and Weather with Jenny Albemarle

6:30 PM — National News and Weather: National Broadcasting Center, Elizabeth City

7:00 PM — Bitter-Enders: The South African War

8:00 PM — Sherlock Holmes

9:00 PM — Mutiny on the Wyoming

11:00 PM — News Roundup

11:10 PM — War of the Worlds

12:50 AM — The Star-Spangled Banner and sign-off.”

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Patriotic Association of Liberty or Slavery

“Einstein, who discovered the secret behind splitting the atom, unveiled a cosmic universe behind this submicroscopic speck. Salvador Dali captured this essence by painting the disintegration of matter, the ten thousand chain reactions that release the power of the sun—that is to say, Sol—to ignite the earth’s atmosphere. Even the Rabbi Yeshua said that the Kingdom of Heaven would be found in a mustard seed, which possessed the strength to move mountains and cast them into the sea. Electron orbits proton as the earth orbits Sol, the nucleus of reality! Our heliocentric minds, the nucleus of our being, remain in the universe forever after. What was the alchemical symbol of gold, which is Sol? The circle orbiting around a central point. Truly, Sol is the physical, metaphysical, and hyperphysical center of all things. It took the shape of enlightenment and the eye as well. It was and will be known as the thing that destroys darkness and reveals the truth. Like Wotan passing the sword to Siegfried to slay the dragon, great Sol passes his power on to man, the herald of the sun, who fashions suns of his own. Ten thousand suns—lesser suns, a derivative type of Sol—enlightened the world and consumed it, burning away the impurities like proving gold in the fire. This brought to an end the reign of the dark people, the people of shadow from the nether regions of the world. Taking their place were the true men, the Aryan solar men of golden hair who first descended from the polar apex of the world, where Sol shines without ceasing. We now live in the solar age, the Aryan age, the age of light and—”

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United States of America (Elizabeth City)

“—though previously dispensed with during the Emergency, the FDA has reinstated its recommendation of 0.15 milligrams of iodized salt per day, and has rescinded its recommendation of potassium iodide for Americans living more than 10 miles away from a Nuclear Exclusion Zone. The Surgeon General has declared goiter a public health crisis, exacerbated by the arrival of immigrants from regions deprived of iodized salts. Iodized salt prevents thyroid gland problems that arise from iodine deficiency, including goiter and mental retardation. It does not protect the thyroid from radiation poisoning. Potassium iodine, on the other hand, may protect the thyroid from radiation, but under normal circumstances can lead to hyperthyroidism and goiter. British and Brazilian immigrants are considered especially at risk for iodine-related goiter, and are strongly encouraged to—”

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United States of America (Elizabeth City)

“—Amazon Andy’s back from his latest expedition, and he’s brought back a cornucopia of CRAZY DEALS from south of the equator! The hottest in consumer electronics at bartertown prices! Andy’s got televisions, stereo sound systems, personal computers, digital cameras, printers, photocopiers, CD burners, MP3 players, DVD players, Game Boys, PlayStations, electric game controllers, and much, much more! He’s giving away Catarina 5800 personal computers, equipped with Windows operating systems, for the low low price of sixty-thousand dollars! That’s right: sixty-thousand dollars! You’ve never even dreamed of prices that low before! But—”

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United States of America (Elizabeth City)

“—Nuclear Safety Commission will designate approximately 800 square miles of land in central and southern New Jersey as sufficiently habitable for resettlement efforts. The Department of the Interior’s Atlantic Resettlement Bureau is accepting applications from prospective homesteaders. Applicants should heed the Bureau’s strict population quotas, including a thirty percent quota for veterans of the United States Armed Forces, a ten percent quota for overseas Americans registering through the USAA, a twenty percent quota for emigrants from the British Isles, and—”

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United States of America (State College)

“—despite the severity of the attacks, President Palmieri has walked away with only light cuts and bruises, and has since relocated to a secure position. Both the Warlocks and the Sheetz Nation claim responsibility for the bombings. While both organizations have committed terrorist attacks within Union territory before, this marks the first such attack within the capital, as well as the first attempt on the President’s life. White House staff say that the President will remain in seclusion until the crisis passes, but the Vice President will appear before the General Assembly tonight to address the nation on Palmieri’s behalf. 91.5 FM WPSU, National Public Radio—”

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Oblivion Nation

“91.3 FM DEATH’S HEAD!!”

CRACK!!

“You already heard the news—the Warlocks did a worthy deed today! Although Palmie made it back to his lair needing nothing more than a fresh change of Depends, those badasses showed the bunker babies that Generation Bomb still has some balls. This one goes out to all the punks and outlaws sticking it to the feds: Sub-human, by the Undead Workers Party.”

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F.A.L.A.N.X.

“—Colonel Halberstam and the 315th returned from the trans-Laurentian expedition, having fought 34 battles and skirmishes, inflicted over 3,000 casualties upon the enemy—including the capture of 500 prisoners and the ransom of a live Canadian Senator, captured 15 pieces of artillery and 10 motor vehicles, and destroyed Canadian property in excess of one hundred billion dollars in value.1 Needless to say, we consider Operation Rake a resounding success.”

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Connecticut Provisional Government

“—recent increase in cultist activity, citizens are reminded to observe basic safety protocols. Observe the evening curfew, and spend your nights indoors. Do not accept rides from strangers; if you need assistance in getting home, ask a Public Safety Officer to help you. Do not venture deep into the wilderness. Never enter a Nuclear Exclusion Zone without a state permit. Report all suspicious activity and deliver all suspicious publications to the Department of Public Safety. Know the tell-tale signs and symbols of Danbury cultism: the Eye of Providence, the New England Pine—”

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United States of America (Elizabeth City)

“And now the Shipping Forecast, issued by the Meteorological Office on behalf of the United States Coast Guard at 12 till 1300 hours today, Eastern Standard Time.”

“There are warnings of gales in Jupiter, New Smyrna, Palm Coast, Rockland, and Machias.”

“The general synopsis at 1200 hours: Low Machias 981, expected Bay of Fundy 977 by 0600 tomorrow. New lows expected Machias 986 and Rockland 990 by same time.”

“The area forecasts for the next 24 hours: Rockland, Machias. Northeast gale 8 to storm 10, veering east, severe gale 9 to violent storm 11. Rain, then squally showers. Poor, becoming moderate.”

“Nantucket, New Shoreham, Montauk. Southeast veering southwest 4 or 5, occasionally 6 later. Thundery showers. Moderate or good, occasionally poor.”

“Cape May, Chincoteague, Reedville. Northeast 3 or 4. Occasional rain. Moderate or poor.”

“Elizabeth City, Surf City—”

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United States of America (Elizabeth City)

“—That was ‘The L.O.V.E. Party,’ by British punk rock band Rockall, that’s been making a lot of buzz lately. And Joey, your thoughts, are?”

“I mean, it’s alright, but it’s not the next British Invasion that everyone’s been predicting for the last five years. Sure, there was the whole Scotland thing with the Braveheart remake, but that’s not really Britain.”

“It’s kind of Britain. I mean, it’s like, on the same—”

“—Yeah, it’s on the same island, sure. But nobody thinks ‘kilts and bagpipes’ when they think ‘Britain.’ They’re thinking Beatles, they’re thinking the Clash. And Rockall’s kind of imitating that classic Britpunk style, but it just seems kind of amateur by comparison. And that’s not most of the stuff coming out of Britain today, either.”

“No, it’s—for sure. It’s changed a lot over the last century. It’s a lot of hardbass now.”

“Oh, for sure. ‘Cause you have, like, lotta Polish and Ukrainians over there.”

“Ukraine. I know where Poland is—which one is Ukraine again?”

“Remember that guy in Vero Beach, the one who got killed? The Navy tried to rescue him and—”

“OHHH! Yeah THAT guy! Okay, so that’s kind of like Russia then. Or like, anti-Russia.”

“Yeah sort of, but don’t say that to a Ukrainian guy, it pisses them off.”

“Well apparently they’re all British now. So… ahem. The song.”

“The song! Right! Yeah, it’s—”

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People’s Republic of Vermont

“—have progressed beyond the crypto-reactionary antisemitism of the antebellum left. The old left used Jews as a convenient scapegoat and a byword for capitalism. Our uniquely progressive outlook understands that Jewish thought and culture has a lot to offer. Israel wasn’t just founded by Zionist imperialists—it was founded by socialists, too. The Israeli kibbutz movement perhaps came closer to achieving a classless society than any other attempt. And it’s this model we need to adopt and implement here in Vermont. The collective settlements—in addition to providing a vital bulwark against reactionary activity in the northern hinterlands—already produce over 20% of the Republic’s munitions output. We can do so much more than that old social-fascist adage, ‘a fair day’s wage for a fair day’s work.’ Through collectivization, we can transcend the wage system altogether.”

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Green Mountain Boys

“—Radio Free Vermont, crying out to those living beneath the communist tyranny down south: make the bounce! It’s not too late! Hundreds of people brave the maple curtain every year and escape to the land of liberty. Whole families come intact, shepherded by the Green Mountain Boys, who never leave a man behind. Every year our strength gathers in St. Alban’s, and every year the Rutland reds grow more terrified of our burning watchwords: the only good communist is a dead communist!”

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State of New Hampshire

“—WEMJ ‘the Pulse of New Hampshire,’ your #1 source for news in the Granite State. We’re very excited to host the live gubernatorial debate here in Laconia today. Joining us are our two principal candidates: Mason Henry Stout, of the Libertarian Party, and Emily Proudfoot, representing the Republican-Democrats. For the next ninety minutes, we will question the two candidates following a format designed and agreed upon by the representatives of the two campaigns. There are no restrictions on the questions my colleagues and I may ask. The candidates have no prior knowledge of these questions. The first question goes to Mr. Stout. Sir, you have two minutes to respond. As the crises of the post-nuclear era wane and the standard of living rises, what do you consider to be the central program of the modern Libertarian Party? How will the party avoid the failures of its pre-war predecessor?”

“*ahem.* The modern libertarian movement has learned much from its antecessors. The greatest issue is one of organization. This is no longer the same party that bungled the Free State Project in the 2000s. Even before the War, during the Great Crisis we—”

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Americans Awake

“Waterville.”

“Tyrannical. Petty, local tyrants.”

“Machias.”

“Traitors.”

“Presque Isle.”

“Vampires.”

“Acadia.”

“Absurd, grotesque. Bizarre little men.”

“Elizabeth City.”

“Tyrannical. The great tyrant. The Leviathan.”

“New Hampshire.”

“Misguided.”

“Green Mountain Boys.”

“Patriots.”

“Vermont.”

“Vampires, Jews.”

“Adirondacks.”

“Delusional.”

“FALANX.”

“Psychopaths. We’re the only ones, man. The only ones. Nobody else bears the burden of the Second American Revolution. Nobody else can understand. This is a prison planet, and we’re trying to set it free.”

Click here to read the master post of the series, with links at the bottom of the page to all other Fallen Continent entries.

Previous Article: The Acting President
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See also: The Sherriffs of Rush County, a short story set in the world of TFC, by guest contributor Aodhan MacMhaolain