I heard a statistic recently that illustrates how the gender pay gap develops into a gendered use-by-date as women age. Around a third of women aged 50 to 64 are not in work, compared with around a fifth of men. Government labour market data puts economic inactivity for women aged 50 to 64 at around 30%, compared with 22% for men.
Now, I get it: some of those women will have chosen not to work. Some will have caring responsibilities. Some will be managing health issues, menopause, bereavement, burnout, divorce - the usual midlife bingo card of delights.
But I keep meeting women - through my coaching, through NOON, through life - who tell a similar story of being pushed out around 50 for reasons that feel about as coherent as a toddler explaining tax policy.
So let’s call it what it is: gendered ageism. And bullshit.
It’s also not something you can sidestep with wishful thinking or denial. It’s not enough to believe that your hard-won experience will automatically be recognised because surely the world is sensible enough to value all you have to offer…
Ha! If only.
Because guess what: one particular tired old cliché is rock solid as ever. Older men are seen as seasoned, authoritative, and experienced, while older women get viewed as less current, less flexible, less energetic - or whatever vague nonsense is being used to disguise bias this week.
Research from the University of Liverpool found that job age discrimination can start at least ten years earlier for women than men, with appearance playing a significant role. So full marks there for continuity: appearance is the primary way we women are valued when we’re young, bravo for the doubling down on this particular prejudice…
Seriously though, we spend decades building expertise - then, just as many of us finally have more space, insight and fire in our bellies, the culture starts looking over our shoulder for someone younger and cheaper who’ll nod more eagerly in meetings.
Consequently, it’s no surprise that for many midlife women, confidence takes a massive hit.
Being made redundant, overlooked or suddenly sidelined in your 50s isn’t just a professional inconvenience. It’s often a psychological earthquake. It can make you question your value, your relevance, your place in the world.
And if you already have a few unhelpful narratives running in the background - I’m not enough. I’m too much. I missed my chance. I should be grateful. Don’t make a fuss - then these external knocks land right on top of those internal bruises.
And it’s this that gets me really mad. Because the problem is not that you have nothing to offer. Good grief, no. The problem is that the world has been encouraging you to limit your options and sense of self for decades. And without realising it, those ideas about who you are and what you’re capable of have likely become part of your sense of self - however assertive and capable you are. But make no mistake: whilst these undermining messages might make us more likely to wobble when we’re cast aside, our response to them is not set in stone.
Trust me: whilst those structural and cultural daggers are very real and active, we CAN do a hell of a lot to neutralise them.
I was struck recently listening to Lucy Standing, co-author of Age Against the Machine, talking alongside Eleanor Mills on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour (listen below) about this issue. Lucy’s take was practical and bracing: we have to meet the world as it is, not how we’d like it to be.
And I agree. Not because we have to just accept the way things are - hell no!
Not because women should have to prove themselves more than men. We shouldn’t!
But because sitting in resentment while the clock ticks is not a strategy.
So what is? Recalibration. Proper, honest, intentional midlife recalibration. The kind that asks: What have I been carrying that no longer belongs to me? What strengths have I minimised? What ambitions have I quietly downgraded? What story about myself have I mistaken for truth?
I think of it like an internal declutter. Not the Instagram kind with linen baskets and smug memes. More like opening the emotional cupboard under the stairs and discovering you’ve been storing old bosses, exes, family scripts, professional humiliations - along with that gnawing, deeply unhelpful belief about being ‘past it’.
No wonder you can’t move freely. No wonder it all feels messy and unmanageable.
Let me share a story about one client - I’ll call her Louise - who came to me wanting to consolidate her career and find something that sang to her strengths. Something that would be newly fulfilling. She’s smart, experienced, capable. But as we dug into it, she realised her assumption around aiming no higher than number two in the workplace needed a rethink.
As we unpacked it, she saw why she’d limited herself to that level. She’d raised two boys as a single mum. At home, the buck always stopped with her. So at work, staying one step back had felt safer. When everything landed on her shoulders at home, why take that on at work too?
Once she saw the pattern, however, she realised that with her boys grown she could now choose differently and realise the ambition she’d previously sidelined. She started to see she was more than capable of being number one professionally, and that that belief and survival strategy was outdated and needed to go. It was a joy to see her so excited by all the new possibility this quickly unlocked, and over the course of working together, her newfound confidence came to ripple into her romantic life too, where she saw she’d also been settling for second place in relationships.
So you see, when women are properly supported to see themselves clearly, the sky really is the limit. Yes - that gendered ageism is still there and still needs to be navigated, but when we can hold ourselves in our true worth, authority and credibility - rather than a narrative that served a previous time, or just other people - we are so much better placed tackle the slings and arrows of that same prejudice, and more likely to hold ourselves in our full glory.
Because trying to hype yourself up with empty affirmations doesn’t work. Nor does telling yourself to “just be more confident.” But untangling what’s yours, what was projected onto your and what you’re now ready to claim? That's when you can start doing the real you - and those that are capable of valuing you, will see you.
1. This is not your personal failing.
If your confidence has been dented, there are very good reasons for it. Name the bias - and understand how it applies to you. Because whilst it’s not your fault, it does need your attention.
2. Your experience is not outdated.
But you may need to repackage it so people understand the value you bring now. It’s hard to truly see all the skills and value we have after decades of life and work experience - so think about a course like NOON’s Rebrand Yourself for consolidating your story for a new professional phase. Or get in touch with me for a free chat about your next steps.
3. Confidence can be rebuilt.
Not by pretending you’re 32 again, but by standing fully in the woman you are now. Don’t hide away and try to do this alone - our confidence gets knocked in relationship, and that’s where it needs to be rebuilt. So whether that’s with supportive friends or networks, or professional coaching or therapy: take action. Doing so will boost your self-worth out the gate, I promise!
If you’re at a midlife crossroads and know your confidence needs recalibrating for what comes next, this is exactly the work I do. If you’d like to chat and see how you might shed outdated survival strategies and uplevel your confidence for the women you’re ready to become, why not book in a FREE call with me?
Just click the button - and let’s talk!
Because once you stop seeing yourself through the eyes of a culture that has underestimated you for decades?
Things get very interesting.
And just to prove that this newsletter is not thrown together - my recommendation this week speaks beautifully (and entertainingly) to my theme of women having to get creative and strategic when it comes to being valued in the workplace - whatever our age. I’ve recently started watching Younger as my occasional lunchtime treat, and it’s rather charming and on point about women’s professional and life experience being dismissed over youthful ‘potential’.
Yes - this show launched eleven years ago - but new isn’t necessarily best: isn’t that the point I’m making? Besides - Younger wasn’t on my radar back then, and - more importantly perhaps - it wasn’t on Netflix! Well - it is now. Starring Sutton Foster as 40 year old mum Liza who ends up pretending to be 26 to get back into the workplace, the show was created by Mr Sex and the City Darren Star. It’s another love letter to fabulous NYC life, and co-stars Hilary Duff - and Debbie Mazar as Liza’s caustic yet surprisingly likeable boss. Go indulge yourself - you know you want to.
If you’re ready to stop circling the same old patterns and finally create the happy, confident connection you want in your life, why not book in a FREE call and let’s chat through your next steps?
I’m always happy to offer tips, perspective and guidance, whether we end up working together or not.
So there’s nothing to lose, no pressure, and everything to gain.
Because here’s the thing: you will not change your life by reading more theory, watching more motivational clips, or trying to apply generic advice from people who do not know you, your life, your history, your relationships, or the patterns that are actually keeping you stuck.
Those things may give you a temporary boost. They may help you understand the idea of change.
But they will not change you.
What changes you is having the right person hold up the right mirror, so you can finally see how YOU are doing you: how you think, choose, react, protect yourself, hold back, over-give, overthink, second-guess, avoid, push, please, or stay stuck in situations you know are no longer enough for you.
Because once you see it clearly, everything changes.
Suddenly the problem stops feeling vague, overwhelming and impossible. You stop asking, “What is wrong with me?” and start understanding exactly what has been happening, why it has been happening, and what you need to do next.
That is where I come in.
In 1:1 coaching with me, I translate the confusion. I enable you to see the patterns, understand and heal the root of them, and move into the clear, powerful action that has been impossible to access on your own.
No more sticky theory.
No more wishful thinking.
No more trying to force yourself into someone else’s roadmap and wondering why it does not work.
This is about your life. Your relationships. Your desires. Your next chapter.
And when the work is specific to you, the change is beautifully simple and obvious. It stops feeling like a terrifying leap and starts feeling like the only logical next step. The overwhelm lifts. The indecision clears. You begin to trust yourself again, because what you are doing finally makes sense for who you are and where you are now.
That is the difference my Power Partnership creates.
In a dedicated 1:1 coaching container, we bring together who you are, where you are in your life, what you truly want, and exactly how to move towards it. I give you the reflection, guidance, challenge and support you need to stop struggling alone and start making the shifts that will change the way you relate to yourself, to others, and to the life you are here to create.
And yes, this is urgent.
Because every month you spend stuck in the same loop is another month of your life spent waiting, doubting, comparing, tolerating, shrinking, or hoping things will somehow change by themselves.
They won’t. But you can.
And with the right support, you can change faster, more cleanly and more powerfully than you think.
So if you’re ready to stop trying to figure it all out alone, book in for a FREE coaching call with me now. We’ll look at where you are, what you want, and what needs to shift so you can finally move forward with clarity, confidence and momentum.
Because you do not need more information.
You need the right mirror, the right translation, and the right support to help you finally grant yourself what you most deeply want.
Book your FREE call now - and let’s get you moving towards the life, love and connection that are actually yours to claim.
That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy
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