Thoughts from the Couch: Why you should stop hoping and praying for "just enough"

Have you been praying for something to hurt just a little less? For just enough clarity to take the next step? For just enough relief to make it through the week? What if part of why you feel stuck is because what you’re asking for is too small?

I’ve been seeing this a lot in my work lately. People who are tired, grieving, disappointed, burned out, overwhelmed, and very understandably asking God, the universe, their therapist, their journal, anybody who will listen, “Can this just hurt less?”

And listen, I get it. When life has worn you down, when history and trauma have taught you not to want too much, “a little better” can feel like a miracle. Sometimes the bravest prayer you have is, “Please help me get through today.”

But allow me to ask you something... Why are you only asking to stop hurting? Why aren’t you asking to feel amazing? Why aren’t you asking for the kind of healing that changes how you move, love, work, rest, and see yourself?

These aren’t rhetorical questions. I’d really like you to answer.

The truth is, a lot of us have subconsciously decided that first we have to go from bad to a little less bad before we can ask for good. Then maybe, one day, after we’ve earned it or healed enough or proven we can handle it, we can ask for amazing.

And factually, this simply isn’t true.

When you play small with your healing, your joy, your health, your money, your next chapter, sometimes you can get small relief. And worse, sometimes you can stay stuck because the ask doesn’t give you enough energy to change the pattern. It doesn’t put you in the mindset to take the bigger action, make the bigger move, or even believe the bigger thing could be yours.

But when you allow yourself to ask for something grand, something abundant, something life-changing, it shifts how you move. You start looking for different doors. You start having different conversations. You start making decisions from the possibility that your life can actually be good, not just a little more tolerable.

And yes, that can feel scary.

Ask yourself, “What if I felt amazing every day?” and notice what happens in your body. Ask, “What if my healing was dramatic?” Ask, “What if the next step wasn’t tiny?” Ask, “What if the thing I want is bigger than the thing I’ve been brave enough to name?”

Then sit there for a minute.

Let the discomfort come up. Let the fear talk. Let the little voice say, “Who do you think you are?” Then answer the question anyway.

What would I need for a grand life? What would I need for big growth? What would I need for real recovery? What would I need for a massive shift? What would I need for the kind of next step that changes everything?

Because maybe you’ve been asking for the pain to lighten when what’s available is freedom. Maybe you’ve been asking for a little clarity when what you really desire is a whole new way of living.

So, this is me reminding you.

Stop hoping and praying for just enough. Ask for the big thing. Ask for abundance. Ask for the version of your life that feels a little scary because it is so much better than what you’ve been settling for.

Your life is supposed to be BIG 💕

XO,

(Founder & CEO, The Black Girl Doctor)