Beginner’s Guide to the World Cup

I’ll admit (quietly on Substack!!!!) that I am not the most knowledgeable soccer fan, but I am obsessed with the feeling of community that can only be found in a stadium. Currently, inspired by the Knicks, New York is painted in orange and blue. The energy is incomparable: people spilling onto the streets late into the night, talking to one another like old friends.

After being surrounded by Knicks fever, I know we will all be ready for the FIFA World Cup, which has also gotten me excited for our next THOUSAND VOICES book, ABBY OFFSIDES! This is a propulsive rom-com that takes place in the land of UK soccer…I mean, football. Think female-focused Ted Lasso meets Notting Hill. In order to get us all prepared for the World Cup, I reached out to the debut author of Abby Offsides, Anna McCallie, to teach us a few things about football.

Anna is an American who now lives in the UK and, over the last few decades, has developed a complete football obsession. Here she is to teach us everything we don’t know.

Here’s Anna:

OK, so the days are getting longer, your Diet Coke can has the FIFA logo on it, and you’ve caught yourself thinking about soccer from time to time, maybe even – gulp – wanting to watch a game? First of all, the most important thing is not to panic. You’re okay; this happens to billions of people every year, even in the United States. It’s World Cup fever, and no one is immune.

But if you’re new to the sport and wondering where to start, I’m here to help. I’ve been a soccer fan for twenty years, and I’m delighted to share this Beginner’s Guide with you.

Soccer: The Basics

Soccer is a sport where people use a foot to kick a ball, leading most of the world to call it, well, “football.” In America, we use “football” to describe a sport where the primary action is throwing a lemon-shaped object with your hands. Make it make sense!

But you can call it what you want to call it. The most important thing to know is that it’s the most popular sport in the world. Don’t believe me? Here’s a stat:

People who watched the last Super Bowl: 125 million.

People who watched some part of the last World Cup: 5 billion.

I’m terrible at math and even I know that the second number is bigger. So if you want to be in the zeitgeist, this summer is your chance. It’s a sport best watched with friends, so find a bar, grab a drink, and get stuck in.

The Boring Logistical Stuff

The World Cup happens every four years. This year, it runs from June 11 – July 19 and features 48 nations from around the world. It’s being hosted jointly across sixteen cities in the USA, Canada, and Mexico. Each team is guaranteed to play three matches in the Group Stage. Then, the lowest 16 are eliminated and the rest go into the Knockout Stage, where – as the name suggests! – they will be knocked out if they lose a game.

Notably, the entrants are not just the forty-eight best teams in the world. There are six “confederations,” one for each of the inhabited continents (no soccer on Antarctica… yet), and teams go through qualification within those confederations. That’s part of what makes the World Cup so fun: you get match-ups like European behemoths Germany facing off against Curaçao, the smallest nation to ever qualify. 84 million people versus 158,000? The “World” Series could never.

Who To Root For: The Rules

This might be the hottest take I ever took, but I truly believe you can root for whatever team you want, as long as you go all in. Learn the players, learn the history, learn the chants and the songs. You don’t want to root for your home country? That’s fine! You want to cheer on one of the favorites? Great! You want to follow a couple of different nations? Do it!

Here’s the catch, though: once you’re on a bandwagon, you have to stay on it. If you’re rooting for Brazil and they get knocked out by France, you don’t get to whip out your beret and baguette and change your allegiance. No, now your whole identity is about vengeance via a French defeat.

If it helps, I’ve compiled a non-exhaustive list of acceptable reasons to support a country:

• You/your family is from there

• You/your family has lived there

• You/your family has been there or has thought about going there or has set a Google alert for cheap flights to there

• You like one of this nation’s players (and “like” absolutely includes “have a massive crush on”)

• You’re a big fan of this nation’s cuisine (including ironically, in the case of England)

• Your ex supports this nation’s arch-rival and was always really smug and patronizing about it

• You drew this nation in your office tournament pool and really want to stick it to Steve from Accounting

• You just feel like it

If people give you guff, make like Taylor Swift and shake it off. Because you know what? The world is full of so many things to actually be anxious about – soccer should not be one of them. Life’s too short to put up with people who are fussy about a literal game.

So if you’re shopping for a team to support, here are some options. If Steve from Accounting has a problem with your choice, just send him my way.

Who To Root For: The Favorites

France – The runners-up in 2022. They’re ranked number three in the world for football (official FIFA rankings) but number one for team drip and World Cup war cry pump-up songs (unofficial Anna McCallie rankings).

Spain – Spain are a high-scoring team, which makes them fun to watch. One caveat: their star player, Lamine Yamal, is only eighteen years old, so if you, like me, are watching the number of candles on your birthday cake expand with increasing dread, you may want to pick a team where you’re not so constantly reminded of your mortality.

Argentina – Argentina won the last tournament and have soccer’s arguable GOAT in Leo Messi. Being nearly 39 makes him ancient for a footballer, so this tournament is almost certainly his swan song (I’m sorry to hit you with that hard truth so soon after mentioning the 18-year-old.)

England – Nothing unites the English more than being disappointed in their football team. The pressure on these lads is so immense that someone wrote an award-winning play about it. Supporting England is not for the faint of heart, but at least you get to belt out some boppy, endearing, and/or weird tunes along the way.

Who To Root For: The Underdogs

Morocco – At number seven, Morocco is the highest-ranked African country, and while an African nation has never made it to the finals, Morocco could do it. They’re young and hungry. If not this time, then maybe in 2030, when they’re co-hosting the tournament with Spain and Portugal. Get your bets in now.

Colombia – Fun, flashy, creative – no, those aren’t early reviews of my novel Abby Offsides, they’re ways to describe Los Cafeteros. Star player Luis Diaz’s dad was kidnapped by rebels a few years ago, but was rescued and is now his son’s biggest hype man and backup dancer. Try not to fall in love with them both – I dare you!

South Korea – Their captain, Son Heung-min, is universally acclaimed as one of the nicest, humblest, loveliest players in the sport. Conveniently, he’s also really good at soccer. And if your Korean fandom leans more toward the K-Pop side of things, don’t worry: he’s a massive fan of BTS.

Netherlands – If you’re looking for 6 feet 5 inches of pure aura, may I present Netherlands captain Virgil Van Dijk. You’re welcome.

Who To Root For: Just Here for the Vibes

Norway – Striker Erling Haaland is an absolute machine, and if Norway can make it out of their difficult group, he’ll be in the running for the Golden Boot (for the player who scores the most goals). More importantly, he was in a commercial with Channing Tatum, and the entire Norway squad posed for perhaps the greatest pre-tournament photo of all time.

United States – They’re not going to win and their “official” FIFA song has been compared to “Ford trucks commercial music.” Still, home field advantage should give them a boost, and when the US plays well, it benefits soccer in America (and therefore makes more people want to buy my soccer rom-com, so… U-S-A! U-S-A!)

Cabo Verde, Curaçao, Jordan, and Uzbekistan – These nations are making their World Cup debuts! Also, DR Congo and Haiti are back for the first time since 1974, and Iraq for the first time since 1986. Everybody loves an underdog, and you can’t get much more under than these puppies! <3

Scotland – Look, I’m biased. The love interest in Abby Offsides plays for Scotland, and I’d like to think Lachlan and his creaking knees would be out there on the pitch this summer (if only he were real…). Are Scotland going to win? No. But they’re absolutely the winners in my heart for best banter, best fan base (the “Tartan Army,” who travel with kilts and bagpipes, even if haggis is banned), and best real-life team of my fictional book boyfriend.

In Summation

The World Cup is not without controversy – war, disease, corruption, homophobia, racism, the legacy of colonialism… it is not immune to so many of the woes that plague our modern world. Yes, it’s overly commercialized and the ticket prices are an outrage. Yes, there will be excruciatingly boring games where the scoreline ends 0-0 and you’ll lament never getting those ninety minutes of your life back.

But. But. At its best, this tournament is the greatest show on earth. History, politics, showmanship, sportsmanship, posturing, theatrics, thrilling victories and agonizing defeats. Gentle ribbing of friendly rivals, heated tempers during not-so-friendly matches. Enormous thighs under summer skies. Shakira bangers on repeat, immaculate vibes, a cold beer in hand… It’s the sense that you’re watching something truly enormous, something bigger than any one person or team or country. That you’re tuned into a show half the world is also watching. How cool is that? How incredible – in a world that’s increasingly made to be divided and compartmentalized – that we can find this common ground? How wonderfully human that this entire spectacle has been built up around a few guys kicking a ball with their feet?

I’ll leave you with a quote from legendary coach Bill Shankly that sums up how billions of people will be feeling this summer:

“Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.”

Can’t wait to see you out there.

– Anna

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Anna’s debut novel ABBY OFFSIDES is out everywhere in less than 2 weeks, but if you preorder your copy from one of our favorite indie bookstores, The Ripped Bodice, you’ll receive a signed and personalized copy when it releases on Tuesday, June 23rd!

I cannot wait for y’all to meet Lachlan Ramsay and the rest of the Mersey Football Club.

Xx

Jenna