The Art of Procrastination

Even Michelangelo would have trouble getting out of bed if he had nothing but a day of spreadsheets ahead. It’s impossible to imagine Pascal or Honterus working for a corporation or being a government bureaucrat. If your projects lack flavor and you have no skin in the game—your body will not produce energy. You will procrastinate. Jash Dholani isn’t wrong: “Energy is simply the by-product of courage. Lethargy is the hint that somewhere, somehow, you made the coward’s bargain. Great ambition appears out of nowhere in the face of great risks.” No one yawns if they see a monster entering their room. Find your monster.

This essay is itself a product of procrastination. Now, please do me a favor and don’t make this funnier by saving this essay for later—don’t procrastinate; read it now. It starts as fiction but ends up as casual philosophy, somewhat aphoristic.

WENDY SUDDENLY wakes up feeling there’s something slightly disgusting and embarrassing taking place next to her. She drank too much red wine yesterday and too little water; she ate just a small sandwich at noon and some crackers later; she’s on a diet. But this has consequences as she’s having stomach pain and a terrible headache now. She tries to switch on the lamp but instead finds her bra—she realizes she’s not at her place but somewhere else. Jared is sleeping next to her, snoring loudly, with his hairy belly uncovered and his socks on, which seem to be the main cause of the odd odor in the bedroom. The vibe and aesthetics resemble an old man giving up on life rather than a handsome young fellow in his early 20s. Jared is one of the cultured pals from her class; they study law in Maastricht. She would have never guessed that someone who’s vegan, feminist, and reads George Orwell and poetry would do this in the morning instead of hugging her, caressing her, kissing her, preparing her (vegan) breakfast… Jared seemed different, so much more sensitive, artistic, and elegant in actions compared to the other classmates who are rather vulgar and immature. Needless to say, his magic thus quickly vanishes in Wendy’s eyes. The problem is she can’t put things in perspective as she doesn’t remember anything from yesterday’s show—if any—and asking him that question would likely spark propaganda. She decides to leave without notice; she has to get back home to prepare for her Constitutional Law exam on Tuesday.