Poem(s): grief and growth

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Nostalgia drips from my finger tips, red hot
Singeing holes in the fabric of my memories
The photo of you with a letter on the back slips from my journal-
Blue and black pen, inside jokes and a small drawing of an ox-
It melts onto my lap of grief
Overflows the subterranean pool that has long been awaiting
It draws me in and the water is warm, welcoming
The city rain outside myself, she is cool
I wrap my neck in sadness
Wear it like a woollen scarf knitted by somebody’s gran
Coloured threads contain my melancholy
Bracing against the winds of reality
My sinuses are still congested with the past
As a future approaches with the might of a steam train
The year of the fire horse asks of me everything
Asks of me, a dormant mouse, to get out from behind the wall
This vessel of mine, can she stretch?
Can she hold the flames of becoming?
Iron wrought fire holder, fire keeper
Plunged from kiln to sawdust-
Will I come out beautiful like raku?
The burden of letting go falls on my shoulders
Nobody else can exhale for my enervated lungs
Discomfort is demanded alongside a silverlining
A paradox offers me feather lightness
While I rip my limbs off one by one to feel free again
I empty my pockets of tissues and lint
My nose is raw
Tear reserves empty, desalinated
Awaiting the next rock to knock me in the head
Dislodging internal damns and loosing waterfalls from my ears
For now, I've left this fantasied lover safe with our beloved strays
The mexi-cats that play innocently under bougainvillea bushes
Zarathustra and Dilbert caught a glimpse of an old story
The truth of our story-
You and I, the living earth and humanity-
Is growing, morphing into something new
Arbitrary distinctions are melted down and alchemized
We are left vulnerable, a puddle of molten metal potential
Can you blame me for feeling everything that everybody else has refused?
Grief never vanishes, it recycles
Finds home in a body made of feather and ash
In the one who leaves time for wandering, room to doubt
My nerves are bent from fire and lake water colliding
I evaporate and precipitate in an endless cycle
Allow me these tears
As you roll down your grass knoll

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Under the pregnant super wolf moon

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two souls coincide

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messengers of fate

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musings that collide

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i marvel at these searching roots

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this locomotive life

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these periwinkle packages

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dropping from pueblo skies

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i dance to remember

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you apologize to forgive

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both of us eat the fruit of mystery

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green dragon-skinned sweets

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la azucar de nuestras almas

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we shed for the snake

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prepare for the horse

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mother is calling us

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In the land of icing sugar blankets on evergreen

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Stark questions are asked

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Will you...?

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Questions the chirping bird

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Omens ride in on the wind’s back

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“You are your own worst enemy”

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Says the small woman with a ferocious might

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The cards tell me to quiet myself with gratitude

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To be determined like salmon

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A school of fish swim in my mind

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I teeter in a place of tension

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The weight of an old skin that sags into the past

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The truth of tomorrow keeping me tethered to now

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I understand, I forget

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I stretch into this precarious balance

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Inflamed joints groaning with new effort

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Staring into the pile of embers

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Hungry for their warmth and promise

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I see a distant future rise

“May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow;
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrowless;
And may all live in equanimity, without too much attachment and too much aversion,
And live believing in the equality of all that lives.”