When Confidence Gets Out of Control

Before I tested for my orange belt, another student in the dojo asked if I was ready for the test.

“Absolutely!” popped out of my mouth before I could think about it.

As soon as the words popped out, I wondered if I wasn’t being as humble as I could be.

In the midst of downward blocks and inside crescent kicks followed by side kicks came the discussion -

I’ve always struggled with confidence. Sure, anyone in this North American culture probably does, especially girls, so I know this isn’t a shocking thing.

And while I struggled with the typical confidence issues as a teen, I’m not sure it was just that.

As a Christian, we are told to be humble.

This is a discussion I’ve never heard. If my memory is correct, I never heard any talk about how to be confident AND humble.

Is that even possible?

Yet, recently while studying Colossians, I have come to the conclusion that Paul was indeed a confident person.

Look at his greetings in each letter. He doesn’t downplay who he is. He announces that he is an apostle. He knows his standing and doesn’t pull back from it.

He writes against heresy with authoritative language. He tells churches how to live as a Christian. He’s not wishy-washy. He stands in what he knows, what he has studied, and what Jesus has told him.

But at the same time, Paul always credits Jesus for every victory and every gift. He speaks of the grace he has received and calls himself the least of all apostles.

In 1 Thessalonians 2:2, Paul writes that he “had the boldness in our God.”

He is very aware of his strengths and weaknesses.

Confident, but not overconfident.

So while it’s pretty obvious that confidence helps us in our spiritual life as well as karate, this begins me back to pondering my original question.

Confidence, as a definition, is rooted in a deep understanding of one’s capabilities and limitations.

It is not merely projecting self-assuredness all the time. When you know what skills and knowledge you have, you can handle whatever comes your way.

For example, in karate, I know I can do the second kata. I can have confidence in my training to do it well. It needs continual practice, and I can perfect the moves more, but I can do it with a decent amount of proficiency.

“Your greatest weapon is your confidence;
unleash it to achieve greatness.”
Marcus Knight

With confidence, I can focus on what I am doing and ignore the doubts that may come from within or without.

But without confidence, attaining the next belt or learning new techniques and katas would be almost impossible.

What we fail to recognize often is that confident people are not afraid to ask for help or admit when they don’t know something. But by being aware of my limitations, I can start learning the next step because I’m honest with myself on what I know and don’t know.

The more you succeed at something, the more confident you become in your ability to do it well. The way to grow your confidence is to get out there, give something a try, fail, and try again better each time.

“A mistake that makes you humble is better
than an achievement that makes you arrogant.”

It’s the idea that you can do no wrong, that you can do anything. Obviously, it can lead to reckless behavior, poor decision-making, and a lack of preparation.

It all stems from a lack of self-awareness. It can lead to a reluctance to seek help or advice as they believe they can handle everything on their own.

Then failure, mistakes, and catastrophe occur more frequently with overconfidence. These can cause low confidence, so the people have to be more overconfident, resulting in a never ending cycle.

I know I can do the third kata and that I am learning the fourth. However, I also know that I can’t take my Sensei down. If I were to try, it would take a second for her to have me on the ground. I don’t have the training she does, and it would be overconfident and dumb of me to try.

(Although she would probably have a good laugh at it.)

And my lesson from that experience would be that overconfidence leads to bruises.

Confidence is a balancing act between thinking less of yourself to thinking too much and letting pride take over. As wise people have told me that something hard usually means it’s worth doing.

Keep your balance,
Vicki Virginia