Vandezine!

You’re currently reading, our dear subscriber, the world’s next great milestone for online radio. Soon, Vandezine! will eclipse all other newsletters in the English-speaking world and will become a regular instalment in people’s daily life, similar to brushing one’s teeth, or having dinner.

ABOVE: Vandelay Radio HQ, circa 2018.

Why a newsletter?

After dropping numerous nuggets of thought to be read by like-minded individuals on our social media, it made sense to create a newsletter. A succinct way of communicating the Vandelay Radio ethos to the world. A chance to explain who we are, and more importantly, why we are.

However, do not mistake this newsletter for as a means for mere self-promotion, or a method of ego-gratification. This is not the case. This newsletter represents the foundations of a new school of thought, to be referred to by historians some day as the Era of Vandelay.

We must warn you nevertheless, that not all who subscribe to this newsletter may subscribe to our school of thought. No doubt, many of you may have subscribed out of curiosity, or maybe in the desperate pursuit of finding a meaning, a sliver of seriousness, a chink in the armour.

For those of you that fit in the above description, please prepare yourself.

1. Make sure you are in familiar surroundings, wearing comfortable clothing.

2. Tune into Vandelay Radio, and play loudly. Turn it up to eleven!

3. Ensure you have consumed at least 1 of the below in the 30 minutes previous to reading:

   1. A glass of red wine, preferably a Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2005.

   2. An illicit substance*

   3. “Atmospheric Beats” - Kerri Chandler

What you read in this newsletter, and those to come, may cause shortness of breath, heart palpitations, introspection and a feeling of overwhelming joy or impending doom, although never simultaneously.

In time, even before you finish reading this newsletter, you will come the inevitable conclusion that everything we have written and showcased is right, has been right, and will likely continue to be right in the future. You will find the information is accurate, the analysis penetrating and the format profound. Because of this, your initial reaction will be shock and disbelief. This shall pass.

*Vandelay Radio does not endorse nor condone the consumption of any illicit substances.

Real updates about the happenings and goings of Vandelay Radio.

BROADCAST RESUMES: Our new roster is primed and ready to begin broadcast - we’ll be resuming regular programming on the 31st of January. Some familiar faces, some new ones - but all killer DJs and producers in their own right, outputting shows and mixes to thirsty listeners from Milan to Minsk.

ARTIST-IN-RESIDENCE: The highly reputed Jas Sykes joins the Vandelay Team as our first ever artist-in-residence. Self described as a Manchester based painter who knows enough photoshop to get by,Jas will decide and define the visual direction of the station and create all the artwork for this season of Vandelay Radio. She likes to be introspective in her spare time so much of her art work will question reality and other deep stuff like that. You can check out some of her work on her website.

SORRY NTS: At a previous episode of Good Music Club, one of the Vandelay roster jumped on the microphone and began ranting about NTS. A lot of nasty things were said and a lot of threats were made. We would like to sincerely apologise to NTS for this, and promise that it will never happen again.

Your man on the street, Vandelay gets the hottest, sleaziest and downright salacious news about dance music.

Jeremy Undergound is considering changing his name to Jeremy Overground after moving to Peckham.

After mourning the tragic loss of Desmond Tutu, David Guetta is ready to capitalise on his death with a planned livestream with Resident Advisor to pay tribute to Desmond’s family from a rocket paid for by Elon Musk.

Peggy Gou has been walking around Berlin screaming “I can never be cancelled” after critics of her music have been accused of being misogynists.

NTS are secretly working on a super strong strain of marijuana in order to keep listeners incapacitated so they can tune in longer.

Lobster Records has plans in the works to do a sale where they actually pay people to take records off them.

We gotta talk about the music, man. We started a radio station because our music taste is superior than yours. In every newsletter, we share music that you should be listening to.

The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us! - Sufjan Stevens

This by far one of the best Sufjan songs ever made. His soft voice accompanied by a melancholic mute trumpet and dramatic violins result in tears and introspection. 9/10

Evil Ways - Willie Bobo

Willie begs his woman to quite literally stop her evil ways because he’s exhausted of chasing her around and wants to settle down, the story of most people’s lives. 10/10

Не знаю - Заговор

Unidentifiable Soviet serious sonic sad synth/post-punk/darkwave solo project of Moscow‘s Kirill Ovchinnikov. A track that your friends will be very impressed by. 10/10

Rainforest - Noname

Karl Marx couldn’t make his manifesto slap like this. Communism and hippety hop meet at the crossroads as Noname stands on the necks of capitalist bros. 10/10

KIEFER NO MELODY - Sam Gendel, Sam Wilkes

The two Sams make jazz great again with soul inspired sounds. The intro is pretty darn cool as well but we really wish it as longer. 9/10

All these songs and more can be listened on our monthly playlist and even better music and be enjoyed by tuning in to the station.

Forthcoming dates:

Saturday 29th January: Good Music Club at Next Door Records

Next Door Records is the best record store in London and we’re the best radio station in the world, so it’s only right we continue our residency into 2022. Super selections from the Vandelay Roster as you enjoy the finest natural wines and baked goods from the Vandelay Radio Test Kitchen.

Artwork by the very talented Jas Sykes.

An opinion piece from Cosmo Kramer, President and Chairman of Kramerica. All opinions expressed in this piece are also shared by Vandelay Radio.

Social gesticulation is bottom tier content and you lose all integrity if you upload any footage of yourself dancing while playing a set. You’ve obviously given your mate your phone to record you before you play a prepared banger. There’s a huge difference between capturing the collective joy a dance floor can bring and wailing your arms a while people look on with pity, or even worse, are too inebriated to care.

Social media has killed dance music, this is a fact. It has severed the relationship between skill and success and continues to highlight that we don’t value talent anymore, the most important thing now is PERCEIVED PERSONALITY.

It’s not what you play, what you create - it’s purely who you appear to be. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not judging people who join in this madness, it’s more the consumption of it that’s the problem - and rather than questioning and challenging this system, we all seem to just partake.

You just need to be a loud, attention-seeking egomaniac in order to be a successful DJ, selection and skill mean nothing to the clickbait music journalists and capitalist promoters of today. I know, I sound bitter, almost to the point of jealousy - but this isn’t the scene I idolised growing up.

I thought people cared. Cared about music, cared about making people dance, cared about making people happy. I thought we were all driven by this passion. And I thought it was obvious that if you didn’t have this passion, you were shunned, not celebrated.

I don’t know man.

CK x

Enjoy this with a lover and show off your pasta making skills with this classic combination of winter flavours, courtesy of the Vandelay Radio Test Kitchen.

Ingredients:

Sweet Potato Gnocchi:

• 2 x Sweet Potato (obviously)

• 00 Flour (feel free to substitute with plain flour)

Butternut Squash Puree:

• Butternut Squash (obviously)

• 4 Garlic cloves (use more or less to taste)

• Half cup of Crème Fraîche

• Handful of fresh thyme (preferably picked from your garden)

• Pinch of chilli flakes

• Pinch of salt & pepper

• 1 tablespoon of good quality extra virgin olive oil

Accoutrements:

• Guanciale (feel free to substitute with pancetta or lardons)

• Sage

• Butter

• Pecorino/Parmesan

Butternut Squash Puree

1. Peel, core and dice your butternut squash. This takes a while and can be frustrating but hey, you’re cooking to impress.

2. Toss in olive oil - season with salt, pepper, thyme, chilli flakes at your discretion and roast with whole garlic cloves till tender, about 30 minutes.

3. Wait till cool, squeeze now softened garlic out of skins and blend everything with crème fraîche. Use water to loosen if too thick, it’ll maintain its creaminess. Keep warm on your stove/hob/campfire.

Sweet Potato Gnocchi

1. Peel and steam your sweet potato till soft, about 25 minutes. No steamer, no problem - roast unpeeled till tender or boil but allow to dry completely.

2. Push potato through a potato ricer. No ricer, no problem - use a colander or sieve and push potato through till you have a mash like substance.

3. Mix sweet potato with about a cup of flour and knead gently till it comes together and forms a dough. Use additional flour if required to ensure it’s not sticky.

4. Once dough holds shape and is somewhat elastic, wrap in clingfilm and leave to rest for 30 mins.

5. Divide dough into four parts once rested, and roll each piece into tiny little logs, about 2cm in diameter (or bigger, feel free to play with the shapes here). Use flour so hands don’t stick. Have fun!

6. Cut logs into individual gnoccho (gnocchi is plural). They should be about 2.5 cm wide, but again, up to you!

7. Shape by rolling gnoccho against a fork to get those cool little lines like a real Italian nonna! Mamma Mia! Look at you!

Bring it together

1. Fry guanciale till crispy. No need to add any oil, it’ll cook in its own fat.

2. Drain guanciale and pour rendered fat into puree and stir to add smokiness. (Rendered fat sounds gross, I’m sorry).

3. Make brown butter by melting butter and letting it ride on low till it’s brown. Include sage for that infusion goodness and continue to cook till crispy.

4. Boil your gnocchi in salted water, you’ll know it’s cooked when it pops to the top.

5. Transfer gnocchi to brown butter and toss on a medium heat till crispy.

6. Serve however you’d like - we like to spread the puree first, then gnocchi, garnish with pecorino, crispy sage and guanciale. Enjoy with a good glass of red and praise from whoever you made this for. Unless you’re alone. Sorry.

Did you enjoy Vandezine! to the point that you would like to contribute? We’re always looking for like-minded individuals to join our roster, get in touch.