Dear ones,
So I built you another thing.
It came out of prep for my brand new class which debuts TOMORROW, Desire-Decoded: Reverse-Engineering Your Kink Needs — virtual with Let it Reign on Saturday, June 20 from 7-9PM ET (4-6PM PT) 🔥.
But… why would we need to decode desires at all?
Well, because ultimately, the hard/helpful part is not just: “I like rope.” “I want to do service.” “I’m into impact.” “Control is hot.” (Honestly, most of us could do that before we were even legal.)
The hard part is: What kind? Why that kind? What makes it work? What makes it too much, too flat, too fake, too intense, or just wrong in the mouth? How do you know? When in your life do you desire it? How will THEY know? What might change it in a split-second?
The Desire Decoder tool does just one tiny part of what we will do in the class itself: create one (1) sentence meant to help you define a desire of yours a little bit more closely. It also shows you a tiny bit of info about your preferences and patterns, like so:
That sentence you see there? It's put together from answers I selected, which branch as you go along to help you make things more specific. Because I’m nothing if not especially extra, there are over 600 possible fragments that can end up in your sentence. (And yes, I seriously wrote them all from scratch and that’s more than a little bit of why it’s in beta; there’s some absolutely weird grammar weirdness and likely still some typos aaaand I have a Fetlife thread for feedback here (or you can reply to this message/post!) if you happen to catch any or there are options you wish you’d seen which didn’t show up, and you’d be an absolute gem for flagging it for me.)
You can try out the Beta Version of the Desire Decoder by clicking here! 💞
Pssssst: it's also in beta because the coolest part of it, in my opinion, is still being built. By the end of June, you'll have the ability to compare your answers with someone else's and see where your desires align, complement each other, or result in potential friction you two absolutely need to talk out first. It also will definitely be getting some bug and typo fixes, and it may get an entirely new UI courtesy of a coding friend who is much better at this stuff than I am. (I just put my words in other people's templates and change some font colors and hope for the best.) But you'll get more emails from me once that's live!!
600 interchangeable fragments, however, is actually… Not all that much? Tbh, it feels like the bare minimum to me, what I chose to include. Because there's SO. MUCH. MORE. we can do to break it down for ourselves.
The good news is that there are specific frameworks and tools we can use at any kink experience level to further refine that part of the work of negotiation and communication.
To determine what actually makes something hot vs just “meh,” why our bodies respond well to some scenes and terribly to others even when the content seems like it's the same.
To break down what our fantasies have in common in a way that can actually be useful to a partner who exists in three-dimensions.
To mine evidence from our vanilla histories that's usable even if we don't have the five-star examples to point to in kink yet (or to find stuff we haven't even figured out we'd even be into yet, but our subconscious totally has!)
And what about when you haven't figured out how to even start? What about when you just have some vague vibes? What about when you have a fantasy that's super strong, yet that you 100% know for sure you would NOT want to experience in real life? (I promise I won't make that answer be “try it anyway,” ever!)
All of that's the class.
Along the way, we’ll have time for reflection and dissection that we’ll walk through together—including some opportunities for the bold among you to volunteer to have me lovingly interrogate you a little bit, so that you can see for realsies how the process of getting more specific can look when applied to brains besides mine.
Everyone will leave with at least one newly-detailed way to describe something they might want out of play or out of power exchange, no matter your experience level and no matter if your kink is physical, emotional, or metaphysical. (Am I kidding? Am I not? Who knows! One way to find out!)
As always, my classes are live-only and require a ticket in advance.
I hope to see you there, friends! And either way, I hope you love this tool. More from me before too long as I build out that compare mode and use your feedback to make it all better!
Until then, stay hydrated. Life looks amazing on you today.
xoxo,
v
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