The 20 Things That Made Me 20

I'm finally 20.

I've always dreamed about what my twenties would be like if I survived to see them. I thought turning twenty would make me officially old.

In fact, Substack is the only place I've freely announced my real age. I've always lied about it because it has always been a problem for me. I skipped a ton of classes and started school quite early, so I'm usually in spaces where I'm the youngest person in the room.

It had its perks, ngl, but I was never taken seriously by people who knew my age first. They seemed to believe that because they knew how old I was, they also knew my capacity. I didn't know you needed a bit of work experience just to be taken seriously in life.

I've been excited to turn 20 ever since my 100L because almost everyone around me was already twenty or twenty-something. So for the longest time, I'd let people "guess my age" and simply say yes. Does that count as lying?

To most people, including my boss, I actually turned twenty in 2024. 😂😭

I convinced myself that once I turned twenty and had lived through the same decade as everyone else, people would finally take me seriously. So, how did that theory turn out?

Well, time waits for no one. Twenty isn't hot cake anymore.

But i’ve decided to embrace it.

I'm 20.

I'm 20.

I'm 20, and I am 20.

Deal with it.

To over 250 subscribers, thank you for sticking with me throughout these four months. Every like, comment, and subscription has kept the engine of IT whirring, and I couldn't be more grateful. I love every one of you. I'll ask my secretary to send everyone a slice of my birthday ice cream cake.

In the same vein, I've decided to share 20 deeply personal things that happened to me when I was 19, things that have shaped me into the 20-year-old writing this.

I hope that by the end of this article, my subscribers will feel an inch closer to my heart.

Are you ready?Gooooooo.

1. I graduated (sort of): This would be self-explanatory if you were a student in my department, but I kinda graduated. I haven't seen my results yet, but I have graduated whether they like it or not, and I'm really, really proud of myself.

2. I gave onions a shot: 18-year-old me would definitely cringe at the thought of this, but 19-year-old me discovered that caramelized onions belong in noodles. Especially the week before her period. I fear 20-year-old me is sticking with this. 😂

3. I was suicidal: I'm Nigerian, so I guess that's self-explanatory. Life happened to me like mad. There were days when I genuinely thought I'd sooner jump off a bridge or end up beneath the tyres of a trailer than make it to 20. Still, here I am.

   

4. I let my exes go: I know this sounds ironic because of course there isn't a single ex I'd go back to, but 18-year-old me, for the plot, would text them after she'd healed just to ask, "What happened to us?" She loved watching them reopen old wounds and desperately try to disinfect them before they scarred. She'd let them believe there was still a chance to stitch up wounds that had already scarred, only to ghost them afterwards(Psycho behaviour, I know.) But 19-year-old me let them go.

5. I realized I was toxic: 19-year-old me became painfully self-aware. She realized just how troubled she was. 20-year-old me owes it to herself to do better.

   

6. I got my dream job: Of course, I wish my salary would increase, but weird as it may seem, I actually enjoy my job. The job I lied about my age to get.

   Yessss. 😂

7. I realized I don't really hate children; I just don't want to have them: 18-year-old me would be horrified. She believed children ranked just beneath animals on her hate list. 19-year-old me discovered they're actually not so bad. I just don't want them... for keepsies, jare.

   

8. I picked a side: I'm a liberal feminist, and I don't mind being equated with a misandrist. It is my wishhhhhh. If I were ever in a position where I had to choose between feminism and my religion, I'd pick feminism without batting an eye.

9. I love my hair now: 18-year-old me would be shocked that I stayed consistent with my loc journey. That thing that used to look like I'd been electrocuted now touches my shoulders.

   

10. I found God, lost God, found God, lost God... The cycle continues.

11. I am a keyboard lesbian: I genuinely want to be gay. I hate that I love men, but no matter what I do, I can't seem to do - or enjoy - sesbian lex.

    

12. I broke up with my boyfriend because I actually enjoy being single: I'm happier single than I ever was in a relationship. 19-year-old me figured that out. It was definitely not because I wanted to know what a Yoruba man who uses his left hand tastes like.

    ...Wait.

    Did I break up just so I could kiss someone? 😂😭

    

13. I lost a close friend of three years, became homeless, and got cut off from my friend circle: I don't want to point fingers, but let's just say I'm happier with my dot now. I no get circle.

14. I found a remedy for my anxiety: I've been journalling consistently since the beginning of the year, and it has really helped. It hasn't stopped my anxiety, but it has helped a great deal. I also play Sudoku. It helps me focus on the difficult problems I can solve there and forget, even if only for a while, the ones in my life that are beyond my control.

    

15. I began to choose myself: Didn't sit well with a lot of ‘em folks but I decided to fall in love with myself every single day. That's what big girls do, right?

16. I smile more in pictures: 18-year-old me would never believe that my teeth are no longer something I'm insecure about. 19-year-old me thinks I have the most beautiful smile.

    

17. I stopped thinking situationships were the safer option: How can you mourn an ending that never really began?Well, 19-year-old me mourned like mad. She left a note for 20-year-old me:

    Don't ever try that nonsense again.

    

18. I'm going back to my first love - prose: I realized I only moved to poetry (which I write quite well, by the way) because I was lazy. 18-year-old me would be proud that I've finally moved on from mourning my three-year-old novel draft, but she'd be shocked that I write less poetry now.19-year-old me discovered Substack, which helped me heal and reconnect with my literary side. 20-year-old me is going to pursue both genres intentionally and professionally.

19. I'm learning a new language: 我在学中文. I challenged myself to learn one of the hardest languages in the world, and although it has tested me beyond measure, I'm still learning. I'm on a 318-day learning streak, if you must know. I've built my consistency like crazyyyyy. Wǒ yě yǒu Zhōngwén míngzi, jiào Xiǎojiě Jiā'ēn. (I have a Chinese name too. It's Xiǎojiě Jiā'ēn).

    

20. I deleted TikTok: I've read at least one book every month this year since I've stopped consuming brain-rot content. 18-year-old me is probably scrolling through TikTok right now and can't imagine I actually did this. 19-year-old me doesn't know any trends or trending songs - not one. She listens to Etta James instead. 20-year-old me intends to use TikTok to venture into content creation and finally face her fear of public speaking.

    

Happy birthday, IT.

I think I've decided to become a birthday person. From now on, I'm going to celebrate myself loudly every year because surviving, especially in Nigeria, is award-winning.

In the spirit of my birthday, I'd love to know what you think of IT and her writing. Or whatever you think of me. 😂 Leave it in my anonymous messages. I promise it'll make my day.

My anonymous link is below🤍

https://ngl.link/typingthroughit

With all my love,

IT🧜🏾‍♀️.