Nobody is “stripping” you of your parental rights by protecting the privacy of youth, and the rights of mature teens to make some healthcare decisions without their parents’ input or knowledge.
If you have fostered an open, accepting, and honest relationship with your child, you have little to worry about in this regard. These healthcare decisions are made in consultation with medical experts and other trusted adults in a young person’s life. Your child can still include you in any way, shape, or form they choose. And they probably will if they know they can come to you with concerns or questions that might be difficult, awkward, uncomfortable, or confusing (or any other adjective).
If your child knows from experience that you will genuinely listen to them without anger, shame, fear, criticism, manipulation, or other psychologically abusive responses, then they will be very likely to include you in making important decisions and navigating life’s challenges. Rules or laws which safeguard the privacy of youth are merely there to protect children from hateful, ignorant parents who may be abusive (psychologically or otherwise) if they find out their child is getting a vaccination against their anti-vaxxer parents’ wishes, or their teen is seeking gender-affirming care (which does not include gender reassignment surgery for minors and never has, so stop perpetuating that bald-faced lie, bigots).
Policies, rules, and laws merely reinforce the fact that mature minors have the right to make informed decisions about their own lives, and have the right to privacy if they so wish. The rest is up to us, as parents. The rest is up to you, especially, the parents who are crying about non-existent “parental rights” because you’re terrified your child might be “turned” gay or trans. Your children are listening and watching. They see how you treat people, how you talk about people, and how you behave. They know whether you’re a safe person to come to about difficult topics, or whether you’re not.
It’s entirely up to you.
If you try to micro-manage and control your child, thinking you can dictate who they are and who they’ll become, they’ll know you’re not safe. If you are judgemental of those who are different and speak hatefully about marginalized groups (which includes youth by the way), they’ll know you’re not safe. If you behave as though being their parent gives you the right to force them to be who you want them to, rather than creating a safe environment for them to explore their own identity, take risks, make mistakes, and know their parents will love them no matter what, then you’re the only one who will be surprised when they start pushing you away and eventually out of their lives.
Not only that, but creating an environment where your child does not feel comfortable coming to their parents about difficult topics, and trying to prevent them from accessing supports outside of home without your explicit permission, will only isolate them. Insulation and isolation put youth at significantly greater risk of harm. Teaching children to unquestioningly obey authority figures also puts them at much greater risk of abuse. The best way to protect your children is to foster an open and affirming relationship in which they are allowed to have minds of their own, and they know you will love and accept them for who they are, no matter what.
Our kids are not our property. They are not our mini representatives or clones we put out into the world. They are their own people, and they have the right to their own identities separate from those of their parents.
Of course we want to be involved in their lives, of course we want them to come to us with challenges, questions, or big life decisions. We love and want to be there for our kids, to support them and cheer them on. It’s up to us to be the kind of parents they want in their lives when things get confusing or tough, the kind of parents they feel safe coming to when they really need an adult to talk to. I’m not talking about being our kids’ best buddies or being permissive parents. I’m not suggesting we don’t need to set boundaries and expectations, or to guide our kids.
I’m also not suggesting we don’t have a responsibility as parents to teach and protect our children, of course we do. What I am saying is that a very essential part of caring for and protecting our children is showing them unconditional love. Respect for their individuality, acceptance for who they are, and love that has no strings attached.
Some of the people crying about “parental rights” are saying that children need adults to help them make big life decisions because their brains aren’t fully developed. Yes, yes our kids do need their parents to be there for them. If your child is different in any way, they’re going to need you more than ever. In reality, all humans need trusted people in our lives to help us when times are tough, and when we have potentially life-changing decisions to make. That doesn’t mean those important people tell us what to do, it means they listen to us, show empathy, and support us no matter what decision we make.
If someone is constantly pushing their own perspectives, beliefs, and values on you without respecting your right and ability to live your life the way you feel is right, you’re not likely to continue going to them for support. If a friend frequently judges or criticizes you for making a choice they might not have made in a similar situation, you will probably avoid sharing certain information with them in the future.
Our children deserve autonomy and have the right to make developmentally-appropriate decisions for themselves. They also deserve guidance and support from the people they love when they need it, in a way that respects their individuality. So be there for your kids. Be the adult. Show them what it means to love someone even if you don’t always agree with them.
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
Parental Rights Rhetoric Puts Students At Greater Risk
These So-called “Parental Rights” Movements Put All Children At Greater Risk
Demanding Unquestioning Obedience is Dangerous
Compliance Makes Us Vulnerable
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