Business Advice is Not Spiritual Advice

I’ve often heard people say that business books or leadership advice are essentially personal development for men.

As I am currently co-writing a leadership book of my own, I’ve been thinking a lot about this statement. Many of us feel the seductive pull to consume large volumes of business advice from books, podcasts, workshops, and online content, and then apply it in broad strokes to the rest of our lives. I have fallen into this trap many times before, applying leadership advice from a legendary CEO or productivity advice from Tim Ferriss to my personal life, and then wondering why my relationship isn’t better or I’m still feeling down.

I’ve come to a pretty interesting conclusion that I’d like to share with you.

Our capitalist culture has conditioned us to view ourselves as “brands” and to run our lives like businesses. As a result, the lines between leadership and business advice, on the one hand, and spiritual, emotional, and relational guidance, on the other, have become blurred. I’ve noticed more and more people (and not just men) turning to business advice as a source of guidance for relationships, personal growth, and life in general. Advice like ‘what gets measured, gets managed’, so they begin to track all their spouse’s activities that they don’t like at home. Or they start to ‘move fast and break things’ with their families. Or they consider time as money, they try to 10X their output, or they become relentlessly solutions-oriented, and they are wondering why their relationships are in bad shape and they can’t get anywhere close to a sense of peace and well-being.

I’ve gotta tell you: Business advice is not going to lead to you being happier or having a better marriage. Our capitalist system was not designed to make you happy or more connected, it was designed to maximize shareholder value. Many of us—especially leaders and founders—need to be mindful of this. Doing what’s good for business is not necessarily good for your mental health or your relationships.

Someone had to say it.

Business advice will help you be a more effective leader. But that is a much different skill set than achieving enlightenment or being a great parent. We must not confuse these. Please keep this in mind next time you read a business book.

OK—let’s talk about spirituality for a moment.

The great mystical traditions all advise us to embrace non-attachment, to hold our goals loosely, and to surrender control if we want to experience greater well-being and fulfillment. The Buddha said that this kind of clinging is the root of all suffering. Yet great leaders have a strong vision and are assertive around their values–they have an agenda. Great leaders don’t take no for an answer and do whatever it takes to turn it into a yes, acceptance be damned. Great leaders experience and share challenging emotions, they fight, and they push back. They are willing to endure a certain level of pain and discomfort to realize their dream.

If you want to succeed at the highest levels of business, you need to fly in the face of plenty of time-tested spiritual advice. For some of us, the tougher we push, the more miserable we will be. This is an important consideration as you determine what type of leader you want to be, and how you’ll balance potentially competing pursuits: that of building a successful business and creating a happy life.

A certain amount of compartmentalization is helpful here. In life, we may want to be more open and accepting if we want to be happy. But in business, we need to have a strong vision, a willingness to break through walls if things aren’t going well, and assertiveness around our values if we want to be high-performing leaders. We may want to embrace more flow in life, and a bit more fight in business.

The enlightened person learns to be happy with what is, the high-performance leader has a burning desire to make things happen.

There is a way to be a ‘spiritual’ business leader, and many books have been written on this subject. I think for many people, this spiritual or hybrid approach to business will lead to more happiness and fulfillment at work and in the rest of your life. If that’s what you’re looking for, a way to feel happier and more connected at work, then by all means, dive in. You can absolutely run a successful and well-balanced business this way.

It all depends on what your ultimate goal is. If you’re looking to win at all costs in business, this advice may not apply to you, and it may diminish your effectiveness. If you want to succeed at the highest levels of business, you need to do things that most people aren’t willing to do.

Let’s also discuss relationships.

Business frameworks are not a good philosophy for your marriage or romantic relationships. Most business frameworks work very well in a leadership capacity with some hierarchy and followership. A marriage is not a hierarchical organization—it’s two people connecting on the same level.

Many of the great business leaders don’t have a great marital track record. I’d have to write a whole other post to chronicle the divorces of high-profile entrepreneurs. I think this is because these leaders have a way of being in the world that is highly effective in a business setting but is not optimal in a relational context. An effective leader may think they can simply apply that same way of being in their home, but it doesn’t work as well—being ruthless with feedback or tracking your spouse’s life with metrics isn’t going to go so well.

A romantic relationship requires a different skill set and way of relating to thrive. The business world rewards narcissists and psychopaths for the results they’re able to generate but doesn’t acknowledge that it’s hard to relate to these people when you get close to them. This lack of empathy likely makes it easier to increase your ‘challenge’ as a leader but makes it more difficult to relate as a spouse.

My advice? Keep the business advice to business, and the spiritual and emotional advice for your personal life and relationships (and vice versa). And understand what type of business advice you’re getting, is this ‘win at all costs’ advice, is this ‘spiritual business’ advice, or is this ‘everyday person at an average company’ advice? You’ll be a more effective leader and a better human if you’re mindful of all this. And your life doesn’t have be win at all costs in business, and fail in life. It can be a win-win, it can be a hybrid—as long as you’re clear about whose advice you’re taking and what your ultimate goal is. Lead your business, live your life. Just don’t get the two mixed up.