You are your own healer

I should be getting on a plane soon, I haven’t packed a thing and between me and you this flight is the last thing I want to do right now. I’d rather be somewhere else entirely.

I woke up with a hard knot in my throat this morning.

I can’t speak much because of it, thank God for the writing.

Woke up today with this piece in mind, an old article of mine that I wrote a while back. And I opened my eyes, and read it… and it gave me the peace I needed today.

I’m going through some shit times on many levels, I feel like God gave me a full 360 punch in the face. I know social media makes it look like I have it all together, the followers, the routines, the audience, the business…

Well… if you’ve been here in my Substack you know this is the place where I strip off any layers that I’m not yet ready to strip off on Instagram or TikTok. This is the place where we get raw…

So I’m in this pit, and I feel like I’m trying to find explanations for what’s happening in my life: I’m using so many concepts, the universe, faith, Kabbalah, spirituality, astrology. (I've never read so much about cazimis, full moons, and this Barbault's Basket portal we just entered in my whole life).

But out of everything that I tried to find that peace, this article of mine that I re-read was exactly what I needed, it was literally a message that the present me needed to hear.

Funny how we search for explanations in so many foreign concepts but in the end we are our own healers.

So this thought was the spark for what I’m writing for you today.

This piece is not about hormones or the cycle, just life lately…

Because I know you will need this, maybe not today, but on the day you need it, this piece will be here.

And it will give you the same peace that reading that old article of mine gave me.

Because life happens, and it happens fast, many times in ways you don’t expect, in ways you don’t always imagine it would.

And when you’re in the depth of it, you forget that you are your own healer.

So I’m here to remind you...

That you’ve made it through things that you thought would break you.

You were alone in rooms when no one noticed your sadness.

You smiled even when your heart was heavy and your stomach couldn’t take anything in.

And many times, you did all of it… just to make others comfortable.

You survived so many things.

You survived days you thought you wouldn’t get through.

You survived those days when your eyes were wet from the moment you opened them.

And you were unsure if it’s new tears or the old ones that didn’t get to dry that night.

You had all these nights where your mind couldn’t stop racing.

You’ve been through moments where everything felt like too much.

When you were doing life on autopilot, because you had to show up.

Because you had people who counted on you.

But you’re here…

You’ve been the strong one for so long.

Everyone around you sees how strong and confident you are.

But only you know how many knots you swallowed to make it through.

You clenched your jaw so tight you couldn’t fall asleep because of the pain.

And yet…

Here you are.

Maybe you forgot again that it’s ok to rest.

That you don’t have to carry it all…

I was on a live yesterday with my community on Skool and I was telling the women inside how important rest is, especially for us women who cannot shut off our brains cause we have that sense of duty all the time: in our family, at work, with our friends…

But rest doesn’t mean to stay still.

For me rest looks exactly like this.

I’m at my laptop, I have a cup of hot tea next to me, I’m home alone, it’s complete silence around me, I see cars on the highway on my left which just reminds me how we are always in a rush, always on the go, my desk is clean, just my laptop and my cup next to me.

I found space.

It’s a pocket of air where I can breathe deeply again, I’m not consumed by any duties, any solutions, any urgencies, any responsibilities. I am just typing as thoughts come to my mind. I am giving my brain the space it needs to fully exhale.

And at this moment I feel calm.

Not because I’m still, but because I’m present.

The only thing I think about is this piece I am writing for you.

I’m picturing you reading it, and that’s enough to keep me anchored.

That’s what rest can look like.

Not lying on the couch for 3 hours binge-watching some series (which I’m also guilty of lately, this Handmaid’s Tale story got me so hooked), but really now…

Rest can look exactly like this.

A creative outlet, writing, dancing, exercising, meditating, yoga, deep breathing, moving your body.

A moment where you are fully present, in that pocket of air where it’s just you in the moment.

You don’t have to carry it all.

Create that pocket of air for yourself where you can fully exhale and let go of that weight.

This piece just took a heavy weight off my throat, that knot is getting lighter and it becomes easier to swallow the more I type.

Writing it all down helps me feel lighter.

I’m even smiling now after re-reading it…

So if no one has told you lately, I’m proud of you.

For holding on and for still trying, even when it’s hard.

You’re not behind, you’re not weak, you’re not a bad person, you’re just human.

And what makes this human experience rich is this…

Feeling it all.

It hurts in the moment.

But just for a second, imagine that future version of you looking back and reading this, smiling all along.

Because if there’s one thing that guides my year, is this mantra: what’s meant for you won’t miss you. It will always find its way back to you. If it’s from God, even if you run, it will chase you and if it’s not from God even if you chase it, it will run.

I’m sending all my love to you.

You’ve got this!

Love, Teo

PS: I was doubting whether to hit publish on this one or not, feels like I’m posting a naked picture of myself on the internet to be honest. I made it to the airport, about to get on that plane, so here it goes. Published. Hope it helps you find some peace, especially if you’re in the thick of it.