The Montecito Chickens Come Home to Roost

Six years ago Harry and Meghan left the United Kingdom on their “freedom flight, bound for a glorious new life in theUnited States. The ensuing six years has been a shitstorm of headlines, documentaries, books, interviews, paid for awards, failed business ventures, insipid tv shows and a bucket load of jam making. The Sussex’s PR machine has been a masterclass in myth building (for those not really paying attention anyway). This couple were portrayed as the heroic victims of a cruel, outdated, racist institution, the unwanted and unwelcome castaways of a cold and unfeeling family who were jealous of their brilliance and the prey of a murderous British press that literally wanted their blood. According to Harry and Meghan themselves and the seemingly endless parade of media minions willing to do their bidding (not to mention their psychotic fans), this poor couple barely escaped the “evil island” with their lives. They were simply too popular, too good at being royal, too modern - they had to be driven away.

But (according to Sussex folklore) it was okay - Harry and Meghan were headed to sunny California where they would be greeted with open arms. They would be billionaires, the most famous and beloved couple in the world, taking the entertainment and philanthropic worlds by storm. They and their children have (apparently) been simply thriving in Montecito - living a free, unencumbered life, far away from the restrictive, cold and miserable UK. The royal family have been lost without them but Harry and Meghan don’t need them or their country anymore.

There was also the safety of Harry and his family to consider. If you’ve listened to any of Harry’s many, many impassioned tirades on the subject, the UK was a death trap for Meghan and their children. They simply couldn’t return, even for a short time, without full police protection. He even went so far as to accuse the establishment of wanting them dead.

So considering all of that - that they would have had you believe that they were living the dream and that their physical safety and mental health were at risk at the mere sight of a Union Jack - todays news may have come as a shock. Yes, despite all of this, the Sussexes are moving back to town. They will be living in a non royal residence outside of London and their children will be attending an English school starting next month.

Why? I see people asking this. Why, if things were so bad, would Harry and Meghan (her in particular) ever return if things were so bad? Because things were never that bad in the UK or that good in the US for them. Because, and I’m not even going to bother trying to put this gently - the entire Sussex brand is built on a house of cards made from a steaming pile of bullshit. Their victimhood became their brand, not their reality.