The hybrid-mom and the jobby

You are right to be amazed that I am getting this Substack article to you two weeks postpartum… Because postpartum, while utterly beautiful (see previous article I penned on that subject here) is also completely and totally FUCKED UP.

It’s one thing to be constantly woken up by your divine little devil angel, but doing it with breasts that look and feel like cantaloupe (when they are usually, I dunno, mangoes?) with their accompanying mastitis, nipples that feel like they’ve been grated with a microblade and what feels like a UTI (but according to the test you had to drag yourself to the doctor to take while sporting a fever, isn’t – it’s just… another thing that happens after you give birth, suck it up ladies!)... It’s a lot. Oh and never mind the major abdominal surgery you’re recovering from. That’s just child’s play! (hehe pardon the cute pun).

Anyway, enough about all that. I only mention it to congratulate myself for being here.

In my two weeks chained to the bed and breastfeeding pillow, I have also voluntarily chained myself to Substack. It’s been a lovely salvation at 3am to read and respond to notes and get lost in the warrens of other writers’ work. I feel like I’m in this gigantic virtual conversation 24/7 which might sound stressful but honestly, it’s been a delight! Lena Dunham even responded to a couple of my notes (or her social media assistant did, but I am choosing to believe it really was her).

Which brings me (quite neatly) to the definitions I believe we all must begin living by!

During my long days and nights swimming in the deep sea of Substack, I have come across not one, but TWO concepts that I simply adore and want to share.

The first is via the aforementioned Lena Dunham. It is the idea of the jobby. She penned an article titled it’s not your job and it’s not your hobby!!! In praise of the jobby. Ostensibly she’s promoting her new memoir, Famesick, but honestly she buries that lead so far in the article you can tell she’s genuinely more jazzed to be expounding on the jobby than doing PR.

For a while I’ve been struggling to articulate what on earth it is I am doing here on Substack. What compels me to show up each week and write an article, delivered on a self-imposed weekly deadline, to non-paying subscribers? Of course there are the obvious things – a love of writing, connection with random strangers on the internet, communication with my friends and family (I kind of feel like I write every article just for them, so they know what’s going on in my head while they’re in Australia and I’m in Mexico City).

Here’s how Lena defines it (not to be confused with the Scottish slang for a poop):

So yes, a jobby— see above for disambiguation— is basically exactly what it sounds like: a petite job. Less basically, a jobby is not necessarily easy to achieve, but it’s satisfying in how tidily it can be completed. It’s a little bit like your job, in that it touches on what you’re actually passionate about, but it has the distinct pleasure of not actually being your job. It’s not yielding major financial results, but it’s also not supposed to. And you can never resent it for that, because the moments you do it means it’s not your jobby anymore.

If you’re unsure whether or not you have a jobby yourself, I implore you to read her article which includes an extensive list of examples of various types of jobbys.

And so, I finally understand what I am doing here on Substack, MY DAMN JOBBY!

Whilst it feels quaint to talk about “jobbys” (kind of like the time my bestie and I took a road trip around Ireland when we were twenty-one and called cigarettes “puffies” for two weeks), I do believe there is real utility to taking up a jobby in earnest. It’s self-actualising to take something out of hobby territory but not quite into job territory. To show up for something consistently without any promise of external validation or reward (or money!) creates a feedback loop in your brain that says (for me, anyway) this chick can be trusted to see things through. My jobby strengthens my mental and spiritual fortitude. It has conrtibuted bricks to the house of my self-esteem by slowly changing the way I talk to myself. Less harsh, more cute. It’s the best!

I strongly vouch for the power of the jobby.

Ok the second different but related concept is that of the HYBRID-MOM. I learned of this term via a note posted by Elin Strong who writes the very excellent, fun, flirty, style/mom-focused Substack Bang Voyage which you should subscribe to stat, if you haven’t already. Check out her latest post, below.

At first you hear the term and you’re left to wonder if it’s some kind of Ex-Machina thing created to solve childcare issues. Are we becoming robot moms? Are we morphing into centaur-type moms with horse hoofs and tails? Or better yet, mermaid-moms?

Unfortunately not. Even though, of course, all of those things would be cool.

The hybrid-mom is the mom who stays at home with the kids part of the week and works part of the week. (nb: I’m using the American “mom” because that’s how it’s coming out in my head thanks to Amy Poehler, but if you’re Aussie or British feel free to sub in “mum”).

I am such a hybrid-mom.

At the present moment I am full-time with my newborn, Ravi, and my mother-in-law (best abuela on planet earth) is looking after my 14 month old, Yves, during the day. But prior to Ravi’s arrival, I was two days turbo-mumming solo with Yves and three days a week we would have our glorious nanny take care of him while I worked on my job AND my jobby. On the weekends my husband and I share the care.

I believe the hybrid-mom is becoming increasingly the norm. You’re not a part-time mother or a part-time worker. By using this verbiage, we inherently devalue both roles by suggesting one isn’t going the whole-hog with either role. Now let me tell you, a full day of solo child care will never not feel like the whole-hog. And then when it comes to my job (my business) and jobby (this Substack) I’m working pretty darn hard to keep those things well-oiled, too.

And so I say ENOUGH! Enough with this “part-time” nonsense. We are hybrid-moms. The sooner we get this terminology spread far and wide, the better.

So whether or not you’re a hybrid-mom yourself, love someone who is a hybrid-mom or just simply want to be on the right side of history, I suggest you start incorporating this term into your everyday vernacular. Don’t miss a beat when someone else drops it in conversation. Drop it yourself. Drop it like you drop jobbys (the Scottish kind)!!

And let’s let the hybrid-moms of this world have their cake and eat it, too.

Ok that’s all I can manage to pen for now before my boobs explode.

See you next week!

(In case you’re keeping track, this week was meant to be the Monthly Return where I provide a list of culture recs and commentary but I felt called to write about hybrid-moms and jobbys, so the Monthly will drop next week instead).

Tessa x