SELF-TIMER DIARY NUMBER 01

Thursday, September 11th

Later today I’m going to Greenpoint to get my haircut. A few days ago I was reflecting on the beginning of my second fall here and I wrote that a year ago, I had never had a haircut in New York, I didn’t have a dentist, or a gynecologist. I was telling people I was applying for jobs more diligently that I was.

And now, I’ve had 2 haircuts, or 3 if you count a bang trim. I’ve had a young gynecologist with a vocal fry say, “Oh my god. Weird.” and walk out of the room when I complained about menstrual pain. And I’ve been to two different dentists. The second one grinned widely inches away from my face so I could see her veneers. They were so white they were almost blue and covered in chunks of magenta lipstick. She had blue eyeshadow on and I would’ve found it endearing if she wasn’t trying to sell me a mouth full of teeth just like hers. Both of them told me my teeth are small and I should consider getting new ones. It’s a great city.

Sunday, September 14th

On Saturday, I went out for Matt’s Birthday. I’ve been doing affirmations to myself in the mirror that go something like this, ‘You are a party girl. You love having fun. People want to see you out. A long to-do list doesn’t mean you can deprive yourself of the company of others.’

On the train there, I read the first few pages of The Princess of 72nd Street by Elaine Kraf which was published in 1979 and takes place on the Upper West Side where all New York stories used to but don’t anymore. (I suspect this has something to do with Nora Ephron’s death, the “discovery” of Brooklyn or Woody Allen having only made terrible movies for the last few decades and marrying his step-daughter.)

I wrote a note to myself that it reads remarkably similarly to Funny Bar auto-fiction which I amended three days later when I realized nobody does enough LSD anymore to write something like this. (I really liked it.)

Monday, September 15th

On Sunday, I couldn’t remember the specifics of any conversation I’d had the night before but I think that’s always the case when drunken conversations swirl around each other. At work today, everyone said, “Good for you!” when I told them I hadn’t gotten home until 4:00 am. I hope they meant people should be having fun more generally, not that they’ve been talking about how badly I need to go out. I’ve been telling people that I’m still trying to figure out balance but what I really mean is I deprive myself of balance because I don’t believe I’m deserving of it. That is the real issue that needs addressing.

Tuesday, September 16th

Number of women I’ve seen publicly scream at their boyfriends since my haircut on Thursday: 3

Wednesday, September 17th

I told someone today that I firmly believe New York takes one year to get used to.

On the way to dinner, I saw a woman on 79th and Broadway in a red sequined gown walking ten paces ahead of a man in a tuxedo. They both looked like they had just finished yelling at each other but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t add it to my list.

Thursday, September 18th

In August, I went home to the West Coast for 9 days. Half of them were spent in Portland and the other half in Seattle. In Seattle, in the car, my Mom asked the quickest way to get from where we were to where we were going and neither of us could remember. Fifty-six years in Seattle between the two of us and 2.2 years away and neither of us could remember the fastest way.

I walked up and down University Avenue and noted everything that’s changed. The bookstore has been taken over by a Barnes and Noble, the Bartell Drugs is now a vape shop, the Urban Outfitters is finally gone (I predicted this at the beginning of the year). There’s a climbing gym in the old bank on the corner of 45th and there are at least two new coffee shops–one of them where the Buffalo Exchange used to be. Flowers is being turned into a McDonalds.

What scares me is that someday it will have been long enough that I won’t remember how to get from where we were to where we were going and I won’t be able to trace every change to the street. I will say things like it used to be so different but the specifics will escape me.

X

Sophia

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