"We've Had Enough": 24 Years Later, Weary America Tired of Remembering 9/11

NEW YORK — 24 years after the deadly September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks on the United States perpetrated by Al-Qaeda, a weak and weary American populace feels that they have sufficiently mourned the tragedy which was once culturally adorned with the label “Never Forget.” Even though the tragic event permanently shattered the 90s-era delusion of a post-Cold War period of peace and stability, drastically shifting the international consensus from rules-based order to a might-makes-right philosophy, the country came together to collectively decide that it was time to move on from the commemoration of the senseless killing of 2,996 people. Said Jonah Nunez, a 34-year-old marketing manager who was in Manhattan when the Twin Towers were hit, “I’ve already got so much on my plate to have to actively recall 9/11 on top of that. I mean, I get that people died, or whatever, but doesn’t that happen all the time anyways?” When asked about the accumulating 9/11 death total, attributed to cancer caused by asbestos and other chemical exposure from the attack, Nunez dismissively said, “That’s just how the city is, man.” Others more distant from the attacks, like 58-year-old Ohioan middle school teacher Brianna Fischer, find even less purpose in commemorating the American tragedy. “I wasn’t there when the attacks happened, and I don’t know a single person who was. Why do I gotta care about this anyways?” At press time, a dogged USA declared that it could muster “one more in the tank” and decided to push off ending 9/11 commemorations at a clean 25 years.