First: Troublemaker love.
You guys are the most take-no-shit, full-throttle, straight-to-the-source viewers ever. The Nerve rises because of you.
From asking about the origins of our theme music [MC: The Gen X cohort thinks it’s rave-inspired, but raves were never my thing — read on], to spotting fellow TMs leaving savage remarks in the comments section of Nerve Repeat Offenders [specifics below], to TMs offering support to fellow TMs, and Queen Troublemaker, struggling this week — Troublemakers remain our most elite intelligence network and strongest asset. The CIA? MI6? Interpol? They should all be so lucky to have such resourceful agents. Keep your questions, tips, theories, sightings, personal encounters with offenders and all attendant chaos coming. [MC: Teddy is mildly threatened and has upped his game considerably from last week — no more dozing off in Uber Blacks.]
Nerve HQ spotted this great question from @RatherNotSay on our Substack last week:
“At the end of The Nerve, we sometimes hear a few bars of music and I know I recognize it, but cannot for the life of me place it. 1980s kid that I am (was), I want to say it’s from a Depeche Mode or New Order song, but maybe one of you can tell me. Thank you.”
Excellent guesses, especially as Maureen’s adolescence was defined by New Wave/Dark Wave. But our theme music is actually an original creation by our in-house composer.
In the run-up to our launch last March, Maureen was asked if she had any thoughts about what The Nerve’s sound should be. She knew immediately and sent over her specific reference: The title track from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’s score for the film “Challengers.”
We dug up her email, which read: “A little edgy. A little pacey. Quick heartbeat.”
In other words, the exact sound of Maureen opening her AMEX statement after Teddy spends another week undercover in Montecito.
For our musically inclined Troublemakers, here’s the original inspiration [start at the 0:15 mark and tell us if it resonates with you]:
We also noticed the overwhelmingly positive feedback to Maureen’s vintage Bee Gees T-shirt from this week’s Nerve at Night. Keep reading for her personal love for the Brothers Gibb, what she’s reading and watching, and how her shopping problem is doing. [MC: I think of that thing like a separate beast — albeit a pretty tasteful one. Make friends with what ails you, and all that. 😂☠️]
Meghan Markle has reportedly gone without this most significant bauble for five days. Or five months. Honestly, no mainstream media outlet seems to care enough to factcheck this, let alone make it a headline.
Nerve HQ believes that this is a direct reflection of Meghan’s declining value in the marketplace. Is this, along with her not-at-all-staged, totally spontaneous 45th birthday pics posted to her Instagram, yet another ostensible attempt by the Duchess of Despair and Endless Grievance to mimic her late mother-in-law? [MC: She’s normally so reluctant to draw those comparisons.]
Not creepy in the least! Not creepy at all.
To paraphrase Miranda Priestly in “The Devil Wears Prada 2”: Meghan’s not a visionary; she’s a vendor.
Nerve HQ believes this photo, staged and composed by Diana on February 11, 1992, should be studied in media classes forever: As the Palace continued denying her marriage to Charles was in trouble, that Charles was in love with another woman, Diana sat herself alone, in front of the world’s most famous monument to romantic love, and said it all — without uttering a word.
Speaking of the Gruesome Twosome, Meghan recently offered up this little pearl of wisdom from Harry — who, for some reason, wasn’t with his “beloved” at this bullshit LA screening of a movie they (allegedly, reportedly) slapped their names on as producers:
“[Harry] was a helicopter pilot in the British Army for 10 years. And sometimes on really hard days he said, ‘Hey, but my love, you know, even if there’s a storm happening, above the storm, the sun’s always shining.’”
First: As many TMs pointed out [MC: You guys are right — I can’t believe I failed to catch this!] Meghan greatly embellished her husband’s resumé.
Also: Will she please dispense with the incessant “my love” bullshit? Every time she says this, a member of Satan’s army gets its wings.
At least she inspired Paul from New Zealand’s latest masterpiece:
(That’s “hard as a motherfucker” for you more delicate TMs).
Speaking of flying assholes, entitled helicopter mom Sunny Hostin has retained hardcore defense attorney Teny Geragos, who helped get Sean “Diddy” Combs off on the most serious charges he was facing, to defend her 24-year-old son Gabriel in his citation (no possible jail time, no points on his license, nothing on his record) for trespassing.
Teddy Van Halen is gearing up for this banger of a court appearance! Also: Nerve HQ was keeping this quiet, but we can now announce that Ted has also opened a case file on Andy Cohen (still blocking The Nerve and Queen Troublemaker on IG — hi, Andy!). In excellent investigative work, TVH located Andy’s discarded dog of many years, Wacha — and Teddy Van Halen was the only canine crusader Wacha would talk to. Here they are in Teddy’s top-secret interrogation room (note the eye- and ear-witnesses waiting to bark in the back):
The Nerve isn’t the only operation growing like an asteroid. Team TNT is being absolutely hounded with cold cases, anonymous tips and, in this latest development, grievances of former pets of celebrities. Teddy doesn’t yet know what the law can do, but he considers himself the Olivia Benson of compassionate canine criminal investigations nonetheless.
Troublemaker Alison in Canada submitted this extraordinary depiction, which we at Nerve HQ are archiving for The Smithsonian. [MC: I have completely lost control of this organization. And when did Teddy start drinking coffee?!?]
Maureen will be back in full force with a major, A-list celebrity scandal that truly does veer into criminality — a story that no other media outlet seems willing to touch. [MC: As if I needed more proof, I now fully understand that this is what I was put on Earth to do.]
You’ll want to catch this one live and mix it up in the Troublemaker chat. Join us tomorrow, Saturday, August 8, over on YouTube at 10am ET!
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