Art by Paul from NZ
Teddy checks every morning — and yes, Bravo’s perpetually hungover (just our opinion) Andrew Cohen is still blocking The Nerve!
We LOVE it. Keep going, Andy. We’ve got a nice surprise for you in tomorrow’s Mini.
Here’s the problem: blocking doesn’t erase receipts. Video never lies. And it certainly doesn’t erase creepy on-air flirtations with at least one teenage boy.
Andy also made history as the first Mini-Nerve subject to keep Queen Troublemaker going well over the time limit — it was an hour, and you Troublemakers loved every minute! And you know our number one goal is to keep you happy. Buckle up, Andy!
Jon Hamm’s Emmy snub had mainstream entertainment reporters mystified. How — how — could the professionally handsome, extremely wooden and limited actor Jon Hamm get ignored for his mediocre work on Apple TV’s Your Friends & Neighbors? We suspect that there may be Troublemakers in the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences who have seen our very first episode of The Nerve — and for those who have not, we re-ran a clip of that in which Maureen read from Hamm’s frat-hazing victim, who detailed how Hamm beat him so savagely he was nearly killed.
Hamm also set that young man on fire, so psycho arsonist Ryan Reynolds does have some competition here. We suspect The Nerve may have moved the culture here!
Oh — and Noah Wyle of The Pitt also came in for some truth-telling — along with the weirdly breathless Access Hollywood report wondering if Noah ‘will make history!’ And Access Hollywood wonders why it’s dying as The Nerve keeps rising.
The sharp-witted sisters behind Pop Apologists joined us for one of our favorite conversations yet, happily disappearing down the “Gaylor” rabbit hole (the theory that Taylor Swift may be hinting at lesbian affairs) and debating whether Karlie Kloss — who wore gold to Taylor & Travis’s multibillion-dollar corporate brand merger — will forever be coded gold in Taylor’s lyrical universe.
Their thoughts on Maureen’s bestselling book, Ask Not, were just as fascinating, particularly why the forgotten women of Camelot were more fascinating to them than the likes of Jackie O and Carolyn Bessette Kennedy.
We also paused to remember the incomparable Sir Sam Neill — a giant on screen and, by all accounts, an even better man off it. Whether he was outrunning dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, breaking hearts in The Piano, sailing the seas in Dead Calm, or charming audiences in Hunt for the Wilderpeople, he brought intelligence, warmth, and quiet gravitas to every role. Funny, generous, endlessly curious, and full of heart, he was one of those rare actors who seemed incapable of giving a false performance.
Rest peacefully, Sir Sam. Hollywood could use a few more like you.
The Nerve’s commitment to basic literacy remains unwavering.
This week’s repeat offender: Emmy nominee Mario Lopez, who confidently pronounced bodice as “bod-ice.” Apparently, this is what passes for excellence these days.
[MC: And Mario Lopez was nominated for a Daytime Emmy!!! The nerve, indeed.]
Art by Paul from NZ
Rob Shuter arrived carrying enough gossip to require checked baggage.
Taylor’s wedding, according to guests, was less Disney fairy tale and more corporate retreat. Half the room reportedly didn’t know the bride or groom, and Robert Pattinson, who we suspect may be a Troublemaker, mocked the post-vows games and raffles on the red carpet. We died.
Rob’s verdict: Swift Inc. has officially acquired the Kelce brand.
Meanwhile, Harry and Meghan’s humiliation tour rolled on. No balcony. No family reunion. No olive branch. William and Catherine won the week simply by showing up.
As for Jack Antonoff and Margaret Qualley, Jack appears to have room for only one great love—and her initials are T.S.
Dave Portnoy summed up the union the only way Portnoy can:
“He’s a 4. She’s a 10.”
🎬 On Friday’s Nerve...
It was one HUGE blockbuster celebrity roundup.
First up: Jennifer Garner of Peacock’s The Five-Star Weekend.
America’s sweetheart? Maybe. Maureen’s latest hate-watch? Most definitely.
Parent of the Year? The Nerve has evidence to the contrary. Exhibit A: Two of her three children.
Then came a quick detour to Maureen’s — and many of the Troublemakers’ — forever celebrity crush, Timothy Olyphant. Check out The Nerve’s coverage of Olyphant’s truth-telling about Hollywood, why actors shouldn’t get so much credit, and which co-star on his excellent series Justified was totally obnoxious (shocker — he didn’t say Walton Goggins!).
Finally, this week marked the 27th anniversary of John F. Kennedy Jr.’s fatal plane crash, giving Maureen another opportunity to set the record straight. This is the hill she will die on. Not the Hollywood version. Not the Ryan Murphy version. The truth.
Maureen marches another media mogul into the woodshed . . . And this one admits to knowing who she is and caring what she thinks. 🤣 🤣🤣🤣
See you tomorrow over on YouTube at 10am Eastern.
Teddy presents his complete investigative dossier, including:
📁 Exhibit A: An upcoming speaking engagement, eyewitness Troublemaker reports, and two handwritten missives sent to Maureen from a writer claiming to be Stedman..
🚨 Teddy’s Tactical Response: He’s grabbed an undercover cop car and is racing south. This Proof of Life mission is officially underway— and Teddy needs every Troublemaker on the case. (Trouble cannot be torn away from his teething sticks.) Also, if there are any handwriting analysts out there, Teddy could use some help.
🎥 What We Couldn’t Say on YouTube: Plus some behind-the-scenes chaos and everything the algorithm can’t handle.
💄 The Maureen Edit: This week’s beauty, style, and latest obsessions.
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