My Daughter Doesn't Need Another Confidence Talk

Let’s call a spade a spade: it’s hard to raise a confident daughter in today’s world - one who doesn’t succumb to societal pressure to look a certain way - when us, as moms, haven’t learned that lesson yet.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to be something I’m not; thinner, prettier, more stylish. I’m on a never-ending quest for smoother skin, less cellulite, and the perfect eyebrow arch.

I’m not vapid, I swear - I’m just a product of my environment.

As the only daughter of a strong Latina mother, I was raised to idealize beauty standards and not just because of the outside world, but because the women inside my world were glamorous (and not the least bit apologetic about it).

Thin was always the goal.

Hair was always blown out.

Outfits were never sloppy - definitely no leggings or sweatpants out in public.

Sound familiar? That’s because all of us 80’s and 90’s babies were raised this way.

We learned that looking “put together” wasn’t just about self-expression, it was a reflection of your worth, your discipline, even your respect for yourself. Compliments were often centered around weight. A few pounds lost? Everyone noticed. A few pounds gained? Trust me, they noticed that, too.

And for a long time, I didn’t question any of it. Until I had a daughter, that is.

Because the moment I became her mother, I realized something uncomfortable: she wasn’t just going to hear what I taught her about confidence. She was going to watch how I lived it.

If I was going to be pinching the skin on my stomach in the mirror, she’d be seeing that.

If I said I “couldn’t” wear a bathing suit until I lost five pounds, she’d be hearing that.

If I began deleting photos of myself holding her because of how my arm was pressing against my body, she’d sure notice that, too.

And suddenly, my private insecurities wouldn’t be so private anymore. Because let’s face it, there’s not much you can hide from a curious, wide-eyed little girl who thinks you’re the greatest thing since Veggie Stix and gummy bears.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe: there is a world of difference between teaching a girl to care for herself and teaching her that her appearance is the most important thing about her.