I’m a giraffe in a world of platypuses.

Welcome to Shame Sandwich, where Megan Lee is writing her way back to wholeness, one personal overshare at a time. Sometimes deep, sometimes swearily un-hinged. Please enjoy responsibly. 🖤

Hi self.

Oh fuck, I just thought stuttered.

It’s like I just glimpsed that I was naked for the very first time.

A sudden understanding you cannot forsake.

This is going to be the most stream-of-consciousness writing you have ever encountered. And I’m terrified.

Sort of. That’s only half the story. Don’t you just fucking hate it when they only give you half the story?

The full story is that I’m begging to be in full bloom.

But I feel sort of perpetually stuck as a seedling.

I told my therapist on Wednesday that when I dream and I’m in a room in a house it’s almost exclusively back in my parents’ house. Hence, the seedling shit.

It’s like I’m frozen in time.

In a cult-like childhood but now I’m an adult with no guardrails anymore.

I’m censoring the thought I want to write. I guess admitting the censorship is better than not? It’s because of shame. I cannot admit the thought I just thought.

That in and of itself is fascinating.

And now I see my mind in full bloom.

But a sadistic full bloom. What flowers are sadistic? Whatever they are, they are my mind flowers.

Thoughts unfurling at rapid pace, rising higher and higher. Gorgeous to witness.

Poisonous to taste.

I taste my thoughts all day long. The worst part is that they don’t always taste bad.

When I journal, do you know that it’s wild and feral and spectacular and miraculous?

My mind is miraculous.

How it twists and weaves and threads and blossoms.

So many thoughts make up the biggest bouquet.

I think I know why I’ve dead-ended on the career front.

It’s because I’m a giraffe in a world of platypuses.

Ok that’s fucking funny. And made me laugh.

But it’s true.

I don’t operate in the same stratosphere as others.

I am a giraffe. And I will never be a platypus.

Nor do I want to be.

And I can see so clearly what is happening.

I’m trying to contort my long giraffe legs and my long giraffe neck into a space built for platypuses.

LOL.

There is something about the way most of corporate America runs its companies that gives me ass hives. And I’m not talking about capitalism.

I’m talking about the way they communicate with people.

Internally and externally.

My shelf life for reading another pandering fake as 32 FFF tits email exchange or video call is damn near expired.

I AM NOT BUILT TO BE PROFESSIONAL AND I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHO HEARS IT.

I am built to be wild. Cunning. Feral. Hilarious. Sweary. Sweet. Loud. Empathetic.

But not ‘professional’.

That word makes me want to throw up decapitated worms.

YES, I WOULD RATHER INGEST WORMS AND VOMIT THEM UP THAN WORK IN ‘PROFESSIONAL’ CORPORATE AMERICA.

I literally hate it.

I want to shock and awe and delight and surprise and entertain and influence people, not send another boring ass ‘professional’ email.

barf barf barf barf barf barf barf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO AFRAID TO LOOSEN UP???????

Just ONCE I’d love to send a Happy Titty Tuesday !!!!!! meme to the General Slack Channel instead of the completely overused Taco Tuesday bullshit and then be like LOL my bad team it was supposed to be kitty tuesday and leave them all hanging with their dicks in their hand.

Can you imagine?

Hm, would I be fired?

I don’t think there’s an HR playbook for that one.

I THINK THE LESSON I’M LEARNING IS THAT I’M IN THE ENTIRELY WRONG CAREER.

CORPORATE AMERICA DOES NOT, I REPEAT, DOES NOT SUIT MEGAN LEE.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’ve got to go back to my roots. My seedling roots.

Except not the cult ones.

My TRUE seedling roots.

Who am I?

I’m a woman who loves to write. Loves to fuck. Loves to laugh. Loves to passion. Loves to ideate. Loves to dream. Loves to adventure. Loves to strategize. Loves to delight. Loves to entertain. Loves to limelight.

Maybe I should start an OnlyFans where I strip and read my writings for five million dollars. Anything less feels cheap.

BUT SERIOUSLY.

I am in the wrong career. And I think the reason is why I’m staying STUCK is becuase I’m trying to platypus when I really should be natural habitating giraffing.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR ME?????

Humor. Lead with humor. It’s one of my strongest strengths. Quickly followed by… hmm, my love of surprising and delighting people in the little ways that make their day brighter.

For example, it brings me ENDLESS JOY when I make people laugh or smile when reading my newsletter. I absolutely get a FULL CHARGE after that happens.

full charge… I like the sound of that

I want to live a full charge life. 🥹

I’m also super empathetic and great at reading people and getting people and holding space for people. Doing that for others also brings me a full charge. Mostly. But it can also be charge-draining lmao.

ANYWHO.

If I were to answer the question WHAT COMES EASIEST TO YOU, MEGAN?

I would say swearing and blowjobs and riding and— oh.

Umm? Well.

HUMOR! And, of course… writing. My eternal love.

And just delighting in finding ways to make people feel seen and happy and entertained through my humor and my writing.

So my dream job? The thing that I’ve scarcely truly allowed myself to utter to myself?

It’s to be a full-time writer, surprising and delighting people week after week in my newsletter. I want everyone who reads my newsletter to GENUINELY feel joyful anticipation when they see my newsletter pop into their eyeballs.

I know it’s possible. People are out here earning 6K+ figures a year. So why not me?

But that’s not all. I want to speak on stages. Sharing my story from my heart, basking in the glow of the limelight while giving hope to others. Stand-up comedy too. But that’s completely terrifying at this stage in my post-deepthroated shame sandwich journey.

And then, having interesting conversations with people. So like a podcast???? Taboo Talks is still rattling around in my tulip fields.

AND THEN THE BOOK AND MERCH IDEAS. Memoir, definitely. Fiction… I feel like it could be there and so much fun???? And then adult bedtime stories. And other very funny sweary books.

OH MY GOD I CAN ALMOST TASTE THIS DREAM AND IT IS SWEEEEEEEET. WITH JUST ENOUGH TARTNESS TO MAKE ME TINGLE AND SWOON AND HAPPY DANCE AROUND MY KITCHEN.

In short I am in the wrong career. But we’ve already established that.

I am a creatorrrrrrrrrrrr not an order taker.

I am very BAD at being an order taker. 😭😂

All I want to do is swear and run feral and absolutely NOT be “professional”.

HOW HAVE I SURVIVED THIS LONG IN CORPORATE AMERICA?!

Obviously, the answer is my cult-adjacent childhood and the deeply scaring layers of people pleasing.

On a positive note, I shared some hand-made memes with part of my company last week to illustrate a point I was making and I HAD ZERO REGRETS. 😈 The gloves are coming off, bitches. ← me to my mind/work bitches.

And to be very clear, I think “professional” is largely bullshit anyway.

PEOPLE DON’T WANT 17” ROD SHOVED UP YOUR ASS PRIM AND PROPER PETER, THEY JUST WANT WARM AND RELATEABLE RON.

Anywho.

I just need to lead with being myself and see where it gets me. Because if I’m TRULY leading with myself, I won’t be stuck. I will naturally be motivated to move forward.

THAT is the true litmus test.

And yes, I’m of course still scared to lead with my real self.

Because I know how swearliy unhinged and hilarious I can be.

BUT FUCK IT.

Careers are like dating.

If you’re still censoring yourself after the first date he ain’t right for you.

MEGAN LEE, DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?!

WHY ARE YOU CONTORTING YOURSELF TO PLATYPUS LEVELS?!

Goooooooooooo.

Shoot your shots, baby girl.

If they can’t handle your heat, you don’t want to deal with the insurance claim.

I’m genuinely excited to start testing out this theory.

What do I REALLY want to do, and would I DELIGHT in doing, if only I gave myself the permission to do it?

Would everything just flow?

I guess there’s only one way to find out.

If you read a headline next week that reads:

WOMAN GETS FIRED FOR SEXUALLY HARRASSING THE GROUP CHAT WITH TITTY TUESDAY AS A JOKE just know it was for a good cause.

-M

p.s. — i’m still shocked i write what i write and post what i post 🙈 but goddamnit does it bring me so much joy and clarity and delight and happiness and i really hope it brings you some of that too!!!!!

p.p.s. — now have the best fucking weekend.🦒✌️❤️‍🔥

From the bottom of my tiny tits, thank you for being here. If these words made you feel, it would mean the world if you could tap the lil ‘heart’, leave a comment or share this. 🖤

BUY ME A COFFEE <3