Listening, part deux

Photo by Parker Galloway

There was someone once

Who made a point to see every show I ever made

Why

I do not know to this day

What drove somebody to do that who I was not

Fucking

Nor particularly close with

But he felt it his duty to catch

Almost every show

He missed one for his Grandmother’s funeral which makes sense

The scary part is though

I have no idea why this person liked my work

What he saw in it remains a mystery

There’s never been an interaction I’ve had with this person that indicated that he got me

I think I represented someone he had longed to meet his entire life

I fell into an archetype that made him feel like The Cavalry was coming to save him

But I remember distinctly a phone call we had

Must have been January of 2023

He was so excited for

“Our future”

Being on film sets

Being in the industry

Being players

I remember he went on and on and somehow I already knew

No

I have a divergent path

That’s not precisely that

I don’t get to be just another friendly face in the work place

I’m one of those people that has to be a villain I guess to certain people

I don’t really know why exactly it has to be me but

I’ve always been

That daredevil

I don’t know how my old friends saw me

At all

I saw them liking each other’s milestones on Instagram (which I had missed)

I don’t know what alienated me from the group other than I was always in charge

It’s interesting watching my boyfriend become in charge of his workplace

People have already started casting him in a new role without his permission

I remember that switch

I hope my ex-friend is otherwise happy

IS on sets

And if he’s not well

I hope that I play a role in his future success

Even if I have to

For the moment be the bad guy

I hope this is the start of a new character arc for him

Where he will

Eventually meet me

Friendly again on the other side

Knowing what it was I had to sacrifice to get here

I had to give up completely who I once was

That’s the cost of your new life

Your old one

It’s not just a Social Media cliche

On my day off

I wish that more men

Specifically men

Listened to what I had to say

I would save them a lot of grief

So much pain if they just

Set their ego aside and heard

A woman for once

I’ve seen so much, and I’m about ready to get back in that salt water pool with that day pass I purchased for myself

This is my vacation I have decided

Only it’s in my neighborhood because my neighborhood is like

A Hawaii

Tourism destination

All of the glamor without any of the bullshit of Entertainment Industry Hierarchy

I love Influencer Culture because it welcomes people in

Truly

Anyone

I can carve out my own path over here and relax

Otherwise

It feels good to be starting over from scratch with

A store

A podcast

A writing practice

A relationship with the void

It feels richer somehow than

The Hollywood Legacy we inherited

I hope a new culture rises from the ashes of this gentrified and crabs in a barrel world

One in which we can all co-exist without sparking wars on platforms run by tech oligarchs who all hired the worst people I went to school with at Carnegie Mellon

I’d like to live in a world post cancel culture

Post fiefdoms

Post Facism

I’d like to not just live in one but be essential to building it

What is the future of art in America?

PlayDo

Play do

Do do do

It’s our own special creation like the way the kids burst into 8 part Harmony in The Sound of Music