Before We Lead Others, We Lead Ourselves

One of the questions I ask every guest on Thriving in Intersectionality is simple:

When you hear the word intersectionality, what parts of your identity have most shaped how you see yourself and your work today?

I never know what people will say.

Some begin with race. Others talk about culture, gender, faith, disability, immigration, family, or socioeconomic background.

Dr. Elizabeth Pritchard surprised me.

She admitted she has a complicated relationship with labels.

At first, I found myself curious.

After all, my work is built around helping people understand how our identities shape our experiences.

But as our conversation unfolded, I realized we were actually approaching the topic from different directions.

BUT, we were arriving at the same destination.

Intersectionality teaches us that our identities matter.

They shape how we move through the world.

They influence the opportunities we receive.

The assumptions others make about us.

The barriers we encounter.

The privileges we may or may not experience.

Ignoring those realities doesn’t make them disappear.

But Elizabeth offered another perspective that I found equally important.

There comes a point where we have to ask:

Who am I beyond the labels?

Not because the labels don’t matter.

But because they should never become the limits of who we believe we can become.

As leaders, we often spend years collecting titles.

Manager.

Director.

Founder.

Consultant.

Parent.

Researcher.

Immigrant.

Woman.

Executive.

Coach.

Author.

Each one tells part of our story.

Yet none tells the whole story.

Sometimes the loudest voice shaping our leadership isn’t a title someone else gave us.

It’s a story we’ve carried for years.

Maybe it’s the belief that we have to prove ourselves.

That we have to work harder than everyone else.

That confidence is something we’re supposed to have before we speak.

That leadership belongs to someone else.

Those stories become invisible filters.

And unless we examine them, they quietly influence every decision we make.

One of the biggest ideas from our conversation stayed with me is this:

Leadership isn’t something we perform.

It’s something we practice.

That sounds simple.

But many of us have spent years trying to fit someone else’s definition of what a leader should “Sound like”, “Look like”, “Communicate like”, “Lead like”.

Especially as immigrants, women, first-generation professionals, or anyone who has ever felt like an outsider, it can be tempting to believe success comes from blending in.

But authentic leadership asks a different question.

Not:

“How do I become more like everyone else?”

Instead:

“How do I become more fully myself?”

Elizabeth introduced a framework that immediately resonated with me:

BE → DO → HAVE

So much leadership advice focuses on what we should do.

Communicate better.

Delegate more.

Build influence.

Network.

Speak up.

Those actions matter.

But they all begin somewhere deeper.

Who are we becoming?

Because what we do consistently flows from who we believe ourselves to be.

And perhaps that’s why confidence cannot simply be taught as another leadership skill.

Confidence grows when our actions align with our identity and values.

As I reflected on our conversation, I realized this is exactly why intersectionality continues to matter.

Our identities influence our experiences.

Those experiences shape our beliefs.

Our beliefs shape our behaviors.

And our behaviors ultimately shape our leadership.

Understanding our intersections isn’t about placing ourselves into categories.

It’s about understanding the experiences that have formed us.

Only then can we decide which stories still serve us—and which ones we’re ready to leave behind.

Hosting this podcast has reminded me that every guest arrives with a different story.

Different countries.

Different careers.

Different identities.

Different definitions of success.

Yet one question keeps surfacing for me:

Who are we becoming while we build the careers we’ve worked so hard to create?

Because perhaps the greatest leadership journey isn’t climbing another rung on the ladder.

Perhaps it’s becoming the kind of person who can lead with clarity, courage, humility, and authenticity once we get there.

And maybe authentic leadership doesn’t begin with what we achieve.

Maybe it begins with having the courage to know—and become—ourselves.

🎙️ Listen to my full conversation with Dr. Elizabeth Pritchard below.

How have your life experiences shaped the way you lead today? I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments.

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