When the view gets wider

This morning began as many have - once the usual getting my husband out the door routine was done. A coffee on the deck listening to the waves, watching the ships arrive, feeling the salt in the air. Yet, I noticed something small but significant. There was no panic, no restlessness. There seemed to be space. Calm. Hope. I knew I had time to slowly enjoy that coffee and then, the day could begin. And there were things to do and things to consider.

I was able to be in the moment and enjoy the peace, the space, and to look back. Not with pain or urgency, but with a kind of curious distance. For the first time, I can see a longer arc. Things are starting to click into place and I am settling into the middle space.

As disorienting as this whole experience has been, I can now see that it resonates with other chapters and seasons I have been through. Those baby years, the teen years filled with fun and also tension, the challenging relationship and the time spent in the throes of it dying. Helping to care for my aging parents as they changed from vibrant and active to elderly right before my eyes. This isn’t the first long middle I have been in. And realizing that has helped. Soothes. Given me perspective and added to my resilience.

Now, I am ready to look farther back, or back with more detail and understanding. More forgiveness. For myself and others. Not to dwell but to inform. To learn how to be in these chapters.

The road behind me is starting to help me make sense of the road ahead.