I am home and couldn’t be happier about it. The birds, the earth, the absolute stillness and quiet of our property are the balm I needed after such a huge month in Melbourne. To be with our adult daughter and see how she moves through the world brings me and my husband such an intense joy. It’s like a shimmering through our nervous systems. To be witness to her being and essence, to see her shaping into the most incredible woman is fascinating to me. Her humor and mine are the same, and I relish our familiar family inside jokes. The quickness and speed and a shared language. She has inherited my dyslexia, that extends itself into the verbal kind. I feel mean now that I used to always correct her out of a fear that she would be judged. Now that there is a settling inside of me, and a delight at her turns of phrase, such as ‘no joke of a lie’. I see them as creative expressions of her mind, and if people choose to judge her, that’s on them, she doesn’t seem remotely fazed.
Mothering with all its unnecessary fears is an experience that plagued me when she was younger. To now see her ferociousness, her uniqueness and the thread that appeared when she was about 2 years old, that stitched itself through to now - her steady dancing to the beat of her own drum, makes my heart sing and also underlines all that wasted energy on worry. She left us on Thursday for Vietnam, for a three week adventure on her own. She has such a different anxiety to mine, and the thought of being aged 20 on solo travel with so little confirmed on the trip, brings a shudder to my body, yet she trusts deeply it will all work out. She is Arran though and through in this regard, yet also has my sense of, thirst for, love of adventure. I gave advice in paradoxes. Be Adventurous! Say Yes To Everything! Don’t Get Trafficked! Be Intrepid! Takes Risks! Trust Yourself! Don’t Get Drugged Or Your Drink Spiked! She laughed most of them off.
One of the greatest things about having a kid when I was so young is that I am still young now with an adult child, I was just 44 when she moved out of home. I am relishing being in my prime now, with this leggy, elegant, human beginning her life fully the way she wants. We have a group chat and she sends photos of all the Vietnam has to offer, rich, vibrant, complex and intense. Her photo of strawberry French toast with a herbal tea infusion brought back sweeping memories of my first trip aged 18 to Bali with friends. I ate thin, buttery banana pancakes, more like crepes each and every day, and drank a French press coffee. That I am now not confident was not Nescafe in a pot, and yet I thought I was the most sophisticated person on earth. One of my favorite stories is from a friend that he shared with me years back, of being in his twenties. He and his friend were finally making enough money to order a coffee AND a sparkling water. They were both stunned at the maturity of it, the richness, the holy shit we have made it-ness. WHO in their right mind paid for water, or, ordered two drinks at the same time? Adults, that’s who. The was the energy I had in Bali, and that’s the energy my girl is having in Vietnam. It feels like time unfolding all at once, then is now and here also.
We picked up our senior rescue dog from my in-laws on the drive through Sydney (20 hours from Melb to home), and she has turned a new leaf, moving from princess mode into full diva. She somehow without words communicated to her granddogparents that she is allowed to sleep on ALL couches and must be carried in her bed up and down stairs of an evening and morning. She also got her wishes of being fed snacks all day. She is now heavier, bossier, and is now also refusing to sit, wagging her tail with glee that she simply Doesn't Do That Anymore. The first thing she did on entering the house was try her luck and she jumped straight on our couch to be admonished and chucked straight off it. She’s allowed on the day bed when we read only and can’t get her short legs and tubby body up there on her own. The couch she knows full well she is not to be on. I give her a 10/10 for trying though.
We came home to an unruly garden, and my desperate need to cook dominating. I made a huge pot of chicken congee first, that we ate piping hot in bowls with shallots, gomasio, crispy chili oil and runny boiled eggs and a very dark soy. I made a huge pot of soup, sautéing leeks with thick slices of garlic, adding zucchini, green peas, baby spinach and dill and lots of salt, cracked pepper and thick cream before blitzing in the blender.
This will serve as a mechanic to not only comfort me, as I love soup, but also to get as many green vegetables into us as I can. We ate like absolute champions in Melbourne but it was too much food and hardly any protein or vegetables. There were instead briny oysters, pots of creamy fish pie, steaming bowls of ramen, crunchy and crispy Malaysian fried chicken with buttery roti and peanut sauce. There was a lot of ice-cream. We found a place near us that had black sesame, and pushed into a crunchy waffle cone I found it hard not to have one daily! We had lots and lots of burgers. We ate a lot of chicken sandwiches with tiny shards of apple from Morning Market, chicken and yoghurt salads with toasted almonds and iced lemon cakes, strawberry tarts filled with cream, toasty, almost burned canele with our morning coffees.
This morning now home, after a steep hill climb and walk and before heading to the gym, we had our Regular Boring At Home Breakfast, whey protein powder and creatine mixed through greek organic yogurt and topped with poached fruit or granola and cacao nibs. This morning was tahini maple granola that we bought in Melbourne. And we both laughed that our stomachs were dying already for the lack of abundant pastries before 8am. We gardened and washed clothes today, unpacking slowly. I proudly and gently placed all our new mustards in the fridge. I have a condiment devotion. My friend in Melb had me over to his house and half way through chatting he asked ‘do you want to see my mustards?’ and of course I was enthralled. Just two obsessive neurodivergent’s having a good chat about mustards. He introduced me to a new one - French dijon with peppercorns that comes in a ceramic pot - and we spoke about different brands and I ended up the next day buying three new ones for our home - the French one mentioned, and a hot English mustard and also a dijon homemade one that looks darker than I am used to and I can’t wait to try.
Today as I drank a pot of greek mountain tea (do yourself a favor and get some, you can order it online) I marinated chicken thighs in yogurt, with middle eastern spices, lots of salt, minced garlic and lemon juice and zest. They will be grilled and served on iceberg lettuce (I am such a fan of the outdated and daggy iceberg lettuce) with tonnes of diced tomato and red onion, with a sriracha sauce and lashings of yoghurt mixed with garlic, lemon juice and zest, salt and pepper. It will be dinner this evening and lunch tomorrow. Getting back into the flow of routine feels thrilling and grounding all at once.
If you want a speedier congee than poaching and deboning a whole chicken - you can just use chicken stock and water and cook the rice until porridgy - about an hour - I use 0.7 cups of rice to 8 cups of stock and water. This is a take on traditional congee and I add the stock for the health benefits and flavor - you can of course just use water. Then add really shredded chicken breast (you don’t want chunks) and minced garlic and ginger (both optional) and then top with all the yummy bits. This time I also sautéed some enoki mushrooms in sesame oil and added.
I feel the heat of gratitude that I get to come home to a home so wonderful, and fill my fridge and pantry and know we will eat so well. If we are lucky enough to have a fridge that can store food, with actual fresh food in it, than we are of the lucky few in the world. If we have a safe, warm home and bed to sleep in, even fewer. And if we get to share that food in meals with people that love us - fewer again. I am intently aware of this and remind myself of it every meal and every time I head to bed.
It is my birthday on Wednesday, and I have a special Japanese style home cooked meal planned. The day will be quiet, I am taking it off, and I plan on a beach swim, lots of meditating and sitting in our garden with books, a whole day of quiet alone then dinner with Arran is exactly what I crave. No fanfare this year, just simplicity and self love and stillness.
May you carve out some time for yourself this week, enjoy incredible food, and fill your soul. May gratitude for all you do have fill with you wonder and awe.
Love Jac x
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