"No, I Won't Be Your Reference for That Job"

Good morning, bold professionals!

I’m Abbey, an ex-hiring manager turned career coach who has been on both sides of the hiring table.

I’m assuming you’re an ambitious professional who feels a little stuck, burnt out, or unclear about what they want next in their career…

or maybe you’re looking to get hired in 30 days, not 6 months…

And you’d probably like to get hired for a job you actually want, not just any job that will hire you.

To all of that, I say, welcome friend. You’re in the right place!

Because I get asked to be a reference allll the time.

• Most of the time, I say yes.

• Sometimes I say no.

• And I almost always end up asking the same follow-up questions.

And the difference usually has very little to do with whether someone was “good at their job.”

It has everything to do with:

• how they ask

• whether there’s an actual relationship there

• and whether the request feels thoughtful versus panic-driven

So let me tell you a story about a reference request that made me say HELL NO.

Not because the person was unqualified.

Not because I disliked them.

But because the entire situation somehow escalated into:

• a last-minute emergency

• a sibling intervention

• and me getting pressured for a reference while I was literally three days postpartum 😵‍💫

Which brings me to today’s lesson: most people are never actually taught how to ask for references professionally.

In the rest of this newsletter, I’ll show you:

• what makes people say no to reference requests

• how to get a HELL YES instead

• and the exact template I’d personally use if I were asking someone to be a reference during a job search

Because I promise you: “Hey, can you be my reference ASAP?” is not a winning strategy.