“the fact that when I deliver my pies and rolls we all act so happy, well, pie is a happy thing, or should be...."

In this week’s reading we experience for the first time our narrator out in the world beyond her house to deliver the pies and rolls that she’s been preparing. Going out and the anticipation of it causes considerable unease.

“the fact that when I deliver my pies and rolls we all act so happy, well, pie is a happy thing, or should be, even if your feet ache from making them, twinge, hip, back, high chair, euphoria, Mommy, the fact that nobody likes a happy person though, if they’re not happy themselves, so you never know, the fact that my happy act could be causing resentment without my realizing,”

We’ve gotten various clues that the narrator is not a very social person and has a high level of anxiety about anticipated social situations, like the upcoming cocktail party that she and Leo are hosting for his co-workers. It’s interesting to consider whether her social isolation is a personal preference or the product of her maternal duties. I’m inclined to think it is both.

As it turns out, she also has to stop at the dentist for a teeth cleaning:

“the fact that all dentistry is torture, Abu Ghraib, Bush, George W, human pyramid of prisoners, starving children, drowned hippos, yeow, sheesh, the fact that I’ve got to think about something nice, not hooded naked figures standing piled high to be laughed at, ow, Djibouti, standing on crates for hours and hours to amuse American soldiers, the fact that I don’t like this new tooth cleaning method at all, the fact that I’m a damsel in some distress, but the hygienist doesn’t seem to notice,”

Her youngest, Jake, is with her, and the dentist counts Jake’s teeth. It’s his first trip to the dentist and it’s not traumatic for him like it is for her:

the fact that I really hate her now, this hygienist, I hate her, hate groups, incel, tradwives, the fact that I don’t usually hate anybody, the fact that I just try to be nice, the fact that I spend so much of my time making sure everybody else is happy, I never seem to get a chance to think about what I want,

the fact that I just sort of limped out of the dentist’s office, the fact that I should have run for my life, but I never think of things like that at the time, the fact that I couldn’t even speak, the fact that I’ve got to hide this from Jake because the whole point was to get him used to the idea of going to the dentist, and show him the dentist isn’t anything to be afraid of, tooth-counting, acclimatizing the child, the fact that I’m the one who’s too scared to go back now, dentist phobia,

After leaving the dentist, she drops Jake off at his play group and then it’s on to the pie deliveries. But the deliveries are stymied by a flat tire. And she’s without her phone to place a call for assistance. It’s a very rural area, and quite possibly not that far from our lioness and her cubs. But she probably doesn’t even know about the lioness. Instead, she’s thinking about the Abominable Snowman and bears!

Does our narrator’s mind conjure disastrous scenarios more quickly than most? Certainly, the hate groups, torturers, and gun-wielding criminals that she thinks about are real parts of our society. Perhaps it’s due to her sensitive nature that she’s unable to block out those thoughts like many people seem to do.