Estrangement…..and personal growth ….

From the moment estrangement happens we have choices to make and gateways to go through …..

Feelings are high and this can lead us into old patterns, that, at the back of our mind we might know are not helpful, and yet we might feel powerless to not chase, nor defend ourselves, not plead and beg as to what we did wrong or how we can fix it ….

I know I did all of these things in the early days

Greif comes in waves and sometimes mixed with hot anger or deep sorrow

So much so we might get a diagnosis of depression rather than an acknowledgment of a bereavement, by clinicians or therapists

Estrangement is still I its infancy as to how it’s understood and how people can be supported through it….whether they are estranged or estranging ……

When I experienced it 20 years ago now, there was very little information around it, and now there is an abundance of different perspectives and how to ‘heal’ from it.

For me, the loss opened up a wider glimpse into who I am and how I want to live my life.

I knew that my life would not go back to ‘normal’ even if they came back ….there was a bigger calling in me to explore.

Who am I

Who am I really

And

Who am I without my children in my life?

I had regrets and shame, blame and guilt to work through …and also the fact that I judged myself in so many ways and was hard on myself too.

Self forgiveness was a huge win for me and that was tested to capacity when one of my daughters said that I might have indeed forgiven myself, but she would never forgive me

I’ve noticed these ‘tests’ before …

You say you love yourself, have forgiven yourself, like yourself …so here’s a little (or big) test to see if that belief about your self is fully embodied, or if there’s still work to do ….

It’s the way we grow …

Our children are the biggest test of our own self love, self esteem, self worth etc….

If they can still pull the rug from under you and have you flailing in their perceptions, opinions and judgements of you, then there’s still work to do

I’ve not loved the journey I’ve been on, to find the whole of me (and it’s still an ongoing adventure) but I have great appreciation for the journey.

Estrangement has been the making of me, and for that I’m hugely grateful.

It’s taken me 20 years to get to where I’m at now.

In my group on Facebook, with the other service providers and the wisdom shared within this sacred, brave space, maybe we can shorten the journey a little for all of us?

There’s steps to take that are essential, and we all do these in our own way and in our own time too, and sharing our experiences really helps in so many ways

Helping ourselves by being in service and assistance to others and many after periods of being totally Self Centred for a while …whilst we integrate and embody the person we are Be Coming

There’s a retreat for us coming up soon too …Missouri in October …The Come Be With You’ retreat ….and solely for members of my group and / or paid subscribers…….

Much love

💛