On Turning Four

(Music: Louie Armstrong & His Hot Five, West End Blues , 1928)

Where did the time go, dear readers? It’s hard to believe it’s been four years since I began Sundays with Stella. I’m staring at the blinking cursor after typing that sentence, pausing to take stock of this milestone.

2022 was the year when most countries opened their borders, and that summer, revenge travel exploded. In August, Omicron was the latest Covid strain circulating around the globe, while the term “quiet quitting” was proliferating online.

Around that time, I had gone through old magazines on our bookshelves and filled two notebooks with analog collages. I also had this idea of possibly collaging digitally because I had access to Canva and enjoyed it for its ease. Then I heard of Substack for the first time and got curious. I used to blog back in the day. It seemed that long-form writing was having a comeback, so I thought I’d give it a go. It was also a way for me to write regularly to a cadence I could sustain. My friend and mentor Gail used to ask me when I was going to write a book, which I still think is a daunting endeavor. Starting a newsletter was a humble answer to her.

Substack tells me this is my 175th entry. I'm scrolling through seven pages' worth containing collages, photographs, and writing about the simple joys of making, and personal stories about connecting with family. Alongside are the heartbreak of losing my sister, leaning on creative practice in spite of the layoffs, the long periods of unemployment, and the disappointment of contracts falling through, to name a few.

Through it all, dear readers, you have stayed with me. I took breaks in between, and you welcomed me back like meeting an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time. With every modest growth, you kept showing up. One metric tells me this consistently. And that’s the one I care about.

Thank you to each and every one of you who read my posts, liked, commented, and shared my work, sent direct messages or texts sharing how you felt about a certain piece that moved you, purchased zines, postcards, and Marica notecards. Whether you're a free subscriber, a paid one, or someone who's shown up with a one-time gift along the way, your presence here means the world to me. Showing up, reading, and sharing is its own kind of commitment. And to those who tune in quietly each week, I see you. Even in the silence, I know you’re there.

Most of all, much gratitude to my paid subscribers. Your financial support means you believe in me, and my mission to keep this space open and accessible to all. You kept me going when everything around me felt like it had collapsed. I’m held up by your commitment. It’s what motivates me to pick myself up when I’m down. That’s what it means to me, and I don’t take it for granted.

I also want to acknowledge Alice Goldbloom of A Considerable Age, whom I met in Substack and whose weekly essays I've been illustrating with digital collages for three years now. Each one stretches my capacity and imagination, pushing me to come up with something unique, week after week. She's also one of my paid subscribers here, something I'm also grateful for. And this year, she published one of my essays in her newsletter, which felt like an honor, especially because I don't consider myself a writer, though I can write decently.

And, for my Filipino family, friends, colleagues and supporters, Maraming, maraming salamat!

Looking ahead, I plan to continue showing up here, sharing my work and life as they happen, hoping something lingers within you afterward. No niche to chase, nor an algorithm to perform for, to grow this newsletter. There are so many things that pull our attention every moment of the day, so I am grateful that you are here and taking the time to read, to appreciate the collages and photographs I share in this tiny corner of the internet.

Before I end this post, I'm curious to know: what brought you here in the first place, and why do you stay? I would love to know your thoughts. Let's meet at the comment section below, or if you prefer, send me an email (photo@kalaw.com), DM either on Instagram, Messenger, or WhatsApp. My handle: stellakalaw

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