New here? The IVF guide clinics won’t give you is where most readers begin.
Hey,
Did you ever question the conventional two-parent structure?
This week, I suddenly realised I didn’t. I just accepted it.
The heterosexual two-parent family is found in the fairy tales. In the films. In the stories we tell ourselves about what life is supposed to look like. And we absorb it without ever questioning whether it actually works, or whether it’s right for us.
Divorce rates alone suggest this structure isn’t quite as fool proof as we were promised. Yet we stay glued to the idea of the glitzy wedding with a house purchase, and then the kids. We’ve bought into it without ever really interrogating why - or whether there are other ways.
When you’re a single woman over 40 who wants to be a mother, this narrative becomes a weight. Because somewhere in your programming, you still believe the two-parent household is better. Safer. More stable. The right way.
So you question yourself first, instead of questioning the narrative.
Professor Susan Golombok’s extensive research on single-parent families shows something different: what matters isn’t the shape of the family. It’s the health of the structure. The quality of the relationships. The stability of the home. Whether the child is wanted and well-cared for.
Children in single-parent households thrive when the parent is emotionally available, financially stable, and supported. Not because of the presence or absence of a second adult, but because of the quality of what’s actually there.
Solo mothers aren’t a departure from the ideal. They’re just a different shape of something that works when the foundations are solid.
You might want a partner; but do you actually need one?
What you need is clarity about whether you genuinely want this. You need financial stability - or at least a realistic plan. You need a support network that holds you up. (This is Step 5 in the IVF guide clinics won’t give you.)
And it’s permission to stop comparing your family structure to the fairy tale you were sold. Start building the one that actually works for you instead.
There are solo women over 40 doing this right now. They moved through the doubt, the fear, the guilt about doing it alone. Their children are healthy, thriving and well-balanced. Living in happy homes that don’t look like the storybook version - but feel like home.
Knowing that exists - that it’s actually possible - changes something.
The partner might not arrive on schedule. The career might take some detours. The fertility struggle wasn’t in the script.
By the time I got to considering solo motherhood, I’d already let go of half the fairy tale. And I’m relieved I did. The real version is far more exciting.
Travelling around Mexico, I saw this graffiti: “Don’t let your life be the product of a lack of imagination.” It stayed with me. Because solo motherhood is exactly that - choosing to imagine something different.
I didn’t plan this path. But I opted in anyway because being a mother was more important to me than not. And I was right to follow that - because my baby girl is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Will you mourn the fairy tale, or build something real instead?
You’re solo - but not alone.
Sarah
P.S. The Briefing Room is where we do the groundwork for solo motherhood together. Six weeks, four independent experts - an embryologist, a fertility doctor, a nutritionist, a therapist. Ten calls in total, to build your treatment strategy, so you’re well informed before you spend five figures. Applications are open for the Autumn cohort.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.