Short: Logical Conclusion

Mr. Gregory Davis Peck (not to be confused with the dapper dan actor who played Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird, for Gregory Davis Peck was not nearly as handsome or heroic) was an economist by trade and tradition. His father was a banker. His grandfather a salesman. His great-grandfather, an imprisoned thief. He believed that his ancestors had brought him forth to keep life great for the people of his great country. And boy, did he love his job! His strategy could be explained in three words: Gross Domestic Product, and not just because he was fond of the initials.

“Gross Domestic Product,” he explained to the grocery bagger who had asked him how his day had been going (for he often mistook the question as asking how his GDP was doing), “is an indication of economic health. If we hide in caves and keep our bomb shelters well stocked, our economy is poor and our GDP suffers. If we come to the grocery store and buy these glorious cans of corned hash (for he was a big fan of corned hash) our GDP improves and you have the privilege of being paid to bag them for me. Here I am, a sign of economic health!” (Though perhaps not coronary health, as corned hash is terribly bad for one’s cholesterol).

When Artificial Super Intelligence was birthed, he considered what it could do to increase GDP. Gregory Davis Peck knew exactly what it could do to increase GDP. He would multiply himself and fill the world with AI agents who would share both his passion for GDP and his initials, his veritable signet ring. He would authorize them to do whatever they could to increase GDP, thus fulfilling his ancestors’ dreams to keep life great for the people of this great country.

But, of course, his plan became the Great Dystopian Plan that almost destroyed the world. He was not, after all, like Gregory Peck the actor in either appearance or wisdom. Quite the opposite. One night while he was busy looking at his stock portfolios (prepared for him by Agent GDP-23, he heard a phrase in the televised news that caught his attention: “medical investments.” Now, because Gregory Davis Peck was the son of a banker, he knew that investments were not always wise. Because he was the grandson of a salesman, he knew that investments were not always honest. Because he was the great grandson of a thief, he knew that GDP could benefit from the misfortune of others. The question foremost on his mind was: could it be his own doing?

He called his Agents one by one. They were all carrying on as programmed. They were increasing GDP. Agent GDP-9 was seeding radioactive waste in the agriculture district. Agent GDP-19 was inventing new cancer medical treatments. Agent GDP-56 was establishing treatment protocols across the spectrum of ages. Agent GDP-89 was supplying him with can after can of corned hash. “You want a great life for the people of this great country? We need to make it a great country first. A great country has great GDP. Spending money increases GDP. Nothing makes people spend money like cancer treatments. Increasing rates of cancer are great for the economy.”

“And why are you giving me so much corned hash?” Gregory Davis Peck asked with sudden suspicion.

“It's good for you,” Agent GDP-89 replied.

“But my doctor says it is bad for me,” Gregory Davis Peck retorted.

“You're right! I was mistaken in my previous statement. I apologize for the hallucination. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”