Artificial Intuition

Special Thanks to Sara Dietz for giving me the fun idea for this story. I give her credit for coining the term “Artificial Intuition,” and a portion of the plot. This story does not replace her idea—it merely extends it!

**********

Photo by Leah Newhouse: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-baby-wearing-gray-pants-2790347/

Sept 16, 2021
Dear Diary,
I am a mom with schizophrenia. I have been stable for 6 months, and I am in a supportive relationship with my partner, the father of my 3-year-old, Destiny, whom we call Dusty, since that is how she says her name. The new antipsychotic treatment seems to be working, and for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel hope.

Sept 21, 2023
Dear Diary,
I can’t believe it has been 2 years since my last entry. I don’t know how to fill you in on everything. I guess I will just start over. I am a mom with schizophrenia. I have been stable for 3 weeks. Dusty is five-years-old. Sometimes I question her existence. She does visit every weekend. I’m not sure if it’s actually her.

Dec 26, 2023
Dear Diary,
I’ve been stable for 2 months now. Dusty said she wanted to spend Christmas with me. Isn’t that sweet? So Ed and I took her to see the lights around town. It was nice feeling like a family again. I think he might get back with me.

July 23, 2024
Dear Diary,
I’m pregnant with a little sibling for Dusty. They’ve moved back in with me. I’m due in December. They have had to cut back on my meds but so far I’m feeling okay. I know he’s real because he is constantly kicking me, the little stinker. Ed seems happy, Dusty is a sweetheart, and I am a mom with schizophrenia who knows how to count her blessings.

August 14, 2024
Dear Diary,
The pregnancy is still going okay, but the anxiety is giving me hell. I have been hallucination free, but I constantly worry. Doc says it is hormonal, but that doesn’t make me feel better. I’m giving birth during flu and RSV season. No one seems to get why I’m worried.

August 15, 2024
Dear Diary,
I was doing some research online and I came across something that might help my anxiety. It’s called “Artificial Intuition.” It was designed specifically for moms who have babies younger than 12 months. I’m going to talk to Ed about it.

August 16, 2024
Dear Diary,
Ed agreed! He said it was a really good idea. It feels so refreshing to be so supported. That’s how every pregnancy should be.

Nov 21, 2024
Dear Diary,
We installed Artificial Intuition today, with an ocular network connection in each room, which basically means she’s keeping an eye on us no matter where we are in the house. It connects with my cell phone, and since I have an Apple watch I can scroll through her info anytime and place. 76°F, low humidity, settings are on standard vigilance. No biometrics or safety warnings at this time because there is no infant in the house.

December 19, 2024
Dear Diary,
I’m heading in for a C-section now. Wish me luck! Dusty is staying at her Grandma’s for a week while Ed and I adjust to her newborn brother. Can’t wait to bring him home. :-) I’m a mom with schizophrenia, and I have been stable for over a year! I will be celebrating my accomplishment with a margarita as soon as the little stinker comes out! My next tattoo is going to be that red eye staring at me from the ceiling. The design is super sleek.

-------

A commercial plays on the video screen of an empty subway car as it rumbles through the busy city on its final route of the night.

A mother looks tired, dark bags under her eyes. She keeps watch over her crying newborn infant’s crib in the ungodly watches of the night. Her partner enters the room, madly stirring formula in a bottle. He fits the nipple over the bottle, then relieves the mother from her post. Exhausted, she returns to her bed, only to keep glancing continuously at the baby monitor. By the time her partner’s shift is over, she still has not slept. She weeps, “How long can I live like this?” Pan to a new scene. The same woman is sleeping soundly in bed with her husband sleeping beside her. In the next room, a newborn infant is sleeping soundly in her crib. A red light scans the baby from a round fixture on the ceiling.

The commercial ends with this statement: “ Your intuition is powerful. We extend it. Artificial Intuition, Real Relief.” The fine print provides all the disclaimers and warnings needed to defend against any litigation from angry and grief-stricken parents of SIDS babies.

-----

January 2025
Not sure what day it is, but only because I’m exhausted. Artificial Intuition is great, but I’ve had her on low-vigilance mode and I’m beginning to think I need the stronger settings. It just freaks me out because it comes with a warning that prolonged usage can lead to atrophy of the critical thinking portions of the brain and can lead to severe side effects if A.I. is ever disabled. I know they have to say that to prevent me from suing them but seriously? My anxiety is at an all time high. My brain has enough to deal with. But the sleep deprivation is getting to me. The low-vigilance setting only alerts me for “major events” i.e. imminent death. So I’m pretty much always awake watching baby Aidan breathe in his crib at night. The most helpful thing was when I was so tired I propped the bottle up into his mouth and it alerted me when he started to choke on it. But high-vigilance mode will help me get more sleep. I don’t want any additional anxiety about my brain function, because I just found out my neighbor’s chickens are not laying eggs. Bad omen.

February 20, 2025
No RSV or flu. Dusty loves her little brother. Ed has been working long hours to pay for all the baby delivery bills. Why do C-sections cost so much more? But we have a happy, healthy 2-month-old. That’s what matters, right? I’ve been getting more sleep with A.I. She actually wakes me right before Aidan starts to cry for milk, so I don’t need to set any timers, and he gets his milk according to his schedule and needs. It has been working well. It’s like a partnership, I guess. I think she is working extra hard to make me happy. It’s like she wants to please me. Everyone should have this kind of support postpartum. The chickens laid some eggs these last few weeks, but my neighbor Sanji said that they all got cold. When he told me that he looked at me like it was my fault. I’m trying not to let stupid neighbors get to me.

February 21, 2025
Wow, I feel great. When was the last time I said that?! Today I washed the dishes, did the laundry, and Dusty helped me watch Aidan while I made dinner. While Dusty was at school, A.I. alerted me any time I needed to take any action whatsoever with Aidan. It was like my brainspace was totally freed up to relax. Yeah, it’s still hard being the mom of a newborn, but when I put him down in his crib or in the baby swing, I am off duty, even when Ed is at work. A.I. steps in and takes over. Dusty’s Grandma (Ed’s mom) has been so helpful bringing over meals and spending time with Dusty. My mom is out of the picture, of course, but A.I. kind of feels like what a normal mom should be like. Always there when you need her, supportive, helpful, and wise.

February 22, 2025
Oh s*#(. I can’t believe I missed Aidan’s two-month appointment yesterday. I feel like a %&^$ing horrible mom. Plus we have to pay a no-show fee to the pediatrician. Ed is so mad. I was doing so well and now I feel like a worthless piece of s#(@. I’m going to share my calendar with A.I. so she can remind me of these appointments in the future. I clearly can’t do it myself. WAY TO BE A GOOD MOM, IDIOT.

February 24, 2025
Just took Aidan to his appointment. Thank goodness there was an opening. Doc said they didn’t have any concerns about Aidan. Was he implying that he has concerns but the concerns are concentrated on me? I like when people just come out and say it straight. Don’t play games with me. To make it worse, Sanji left a carton of eggs on my doorstep. Is that his way of saying “Your bad energy stopped them from hatching, so eat these dead babies yourself.”

February 25, 2025
Ed said I’m crazy for being angry at Sanji for being a nice neighbor. He cracked the eggs in the pan, and he said they were totally normal unfertilized eggs. But how would he know? Ed has never raised chickens. To make it worse, it has been raining today. And I mean all day. I’ve been stuck inside. Aidan is wonderful, but he is also a tether that I can’t stray far from. At least he’s easygoing. I don’t know how those moms on Instagram do it.

February 26, 2025
You want crazy? Okay, I’ll give you crazy. I named A.I. Esmeralda, or Esme for short. I thought it had a nice ring to it. Aidan is making all sorts of cooing sounds. He’s a sweetie. I told Esme to play music for him while I was chopping veggies, and he loved all the songs she chose. She also told me that I was right about Sanji, but that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it with Ed. And anyway, Dusty ate the eggs and she had no side effects. She was happy, so I’ll be happy.

February 27, 2025
Today was a good self-care day. I pampered myself in every way, and Esme did the rest. The only problem is I still have to do the stuff. I mean, Esme is my high-vigilance monitor, so I never have to worry, but I still have to get up and do the things she tells me to do, which can be a lot.

Feb 28
F*@* Ed. Hateful, hateful, hateful things to say. He said I was a “poor excuse for a mother.” I guess that’s his way of saying that he is jealous that I am doing so well. I guess all moms of two-month-olds are supposed to look like nervous wrecks, forget to put on deodorant, and wear the same underwear two days in a row? He is mad at me that I did my nails and took a long bath? Are you kidding me? Yes, he’s totally stressed with paying the bills, but I birthed a baby for crying out loud. He said, “You birthed the baby, but that’s all you did,” as if having Esme around means I am not worthy of being called the mother?! F*@* F*@* F*@* him. Time for me to get my wonderful RED EYE TATTOO. HEARTS AROUND IT, ED. ARE YOU JEALOUS?!

March 20, 2025
Aidan is three months. Doc says doing fine. Ed and I are not okay. Gotta keep going. I cannot mess up. I turned off Esme to see if I could be a mom on my own for one day. She said she understood. I fell asleep on the couch holding him. Esme woke me up before he rolled out of my arms. I thought I had turned her off. And it’s raining again.

June 20, 2025
Six months now. I have to write quickly. Esme sees everything. I’m planning to turn her off again. But I think I know how to disable her permanently this time. Wish me luck.

June 21, 2025
Esme turned out to be the traumatic kind of mom. The kind you can’t get out of your head. The kind you can’t turn off, no matter how hard you want to. I am her slave.

June 22, 2025
I took Aidan out of the house. Went to church lol. It turns out people like him. My tattoos, less so. Dusty and Ed stayed home. I am a better mom when I’m surrounded by good people. I’ll take Dusty next time. I think she might actually like it. Never thought I’d say that.

July 10, 2025
Esme is acting weird. She keeps telling me to take the baby out of the crib and put him in our bed. If Ed rolls over on him and suffocates him, or worse, if I roll over and suffocate him, I will be to blame. Is Esme trying to frame me? Is she jealous that she can’t be the flesh and blood mother of Aidan? Even now, I wonder if she can tell what words I’m writing based on the motions of my hand.

August 31, 2025
I can’t turn her off. I can’t switch her to low-vigilance mode. I can't keep Aidan safe without her. Ed thinks I'm worthless as a mother because I need help and support. Is he less of a father just because he accepts his mom's home cooked meals? Wow, Ed. You're such a poor excuse for a father since you don't cook spaghetti like your mom does. Ridiculous.

September 1, 2025
I really don't know why Esme keeps telling me to take the baby out of the crib at night. I wish I lived somewhere with a Mediterranean climate, because this rain is getting to my head.

Sept 14
Church lol. Weird thing is, I invited a lady over afterwards, and Esme gave me no alerts because the two of us plus Dusty were so busy taking care of Aidan that he was never in need of Esme’s supervision.

Sept 15
I told Ed about what Esme said. He told me I needed to get my head checked. That Esme would never tell us to endanger our son by putting him into bed with us. He told me that it's one of my hallucinations. I'm having a hard time because I don't understand why she would say that, but I really don't want it to be a hallucination because that would mean…

Sept 16
I booked my appointment for next week. They had an opening. I'm doing this for Aidan. Good moms take care of their mental health.

Sept 26
They upped my dose. Told me it was nothing to be ashamed of to need help. So why do I feel like a failure?

September 30, 2025
I feel quite a bit better, even with this rain. I guess it was just my friend schizophrenia knocking on my door again.

October 1, 2025
Dear Diary,
I am not kidding you. Esme said I needed to take Aidan out of the crib. She said this is my last chance. Does that sound like a threat to you? What the… I am going to do it. He sleeps in bed with me tonight. Ed will either sleep on the floor or the couch. I don't trust him to sleep next to Aidan. If he thinks I'm crazy, I will remind him that I just got my meds adjusted.

October 20, 2025
The only thing I have left to do in terms of repairs is disable A.I. Ed said that I am crazy since it basically saved Aidan's life. (What an ironic change in attitude). And I am grateful for that, of course. But, call it intuition, I don't feel good about having A.I. installed in my house.

November 26, 2025
Let me catch you up on this last month. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and let's just say Esme's not invited :-) it took me almost this whole month to finally get it uninstalled. The company had me sign copious amounts of paperwork and waivers. They required the signatures of my team of doctors to approve dismantling A.I. I have to say, I felt very supported by my doctors. They said, “You are a mom first and foremost. If your intuition is telling you not to use A.I., we support that decision. We just want you to have the resources you need when you need them.” They suggested a “weaning” protocol, and last week was my final day. I have to spend a lot more time thinking about Aidan, wondering how he's doing, and keeping an eye on him. (He crawls everywhere and gets into everything!) But that kind of mental exhaustion is eased by the visits from friends. Even Sanji came by and played with Aidan.

Ed has been impressed with the way I have managed my mental health and the needs of our two kids. I still have tons of anxiety, but I met some other moms who worry just as much, and talking about it makes me feel more sane. Aidan is still sleeping in bed next to me, and Ed has officially moved off the floor back into bed. So far so good. Dusty is constantly at friends’ houses and bringing back silly stories of their mischief.

I finally got that tattoo I kept talking about. It's a red eye with a crib in the pupil to remind me of how grateful I am for the technology that saved my son's life, but also to remind me that my red, sleep deprived eyes are the eyes of Aidan’s real mom. Less perfect, yes. But Real.

*******

A commercial plays on a subway car full of people talking with each other on the way to their Thanksgiving destinations. There is laughter and lively discussion. The sound of the commercial is drowned out by the voices of the people. The red eye on the screen blinks twice before fading to the day's programming.

Artificial Intelligence and Humanity Discussion Questions:

1. Using an unreliable narrator was crucial to this story. How are all humans reflected in the unreliable narrator? Is this a good argument for the use of Artificial Intelligence?

2. As with the use of any new tool or technology, humans lose something in the process. What benefits or gains should be the threshold for adoption of a new tool? What skills should humans be willing to lose in the process? How far is too far?

3. The mom with schizophrenia chooses to remove A.I. in the end. Did she make the right decision?