What If Being in Control Has Nothing to Do With Planning?

👋 Hej,

Let me tell you about the year my brain turned against me.

Not dramatically. No breakdown. Just a slow, creeping feeling that I was working harder than ever — and somehow losing control of my own life.

I was following the “right” plan: stable income, long-term goals, building something serious. And my brain was rewarding me for every box I ticked. Dopamine hit for every milestone. Cortisol spike every time I felt behind.

The problem? I was optimizing for a version of my life I had never actually chosen.

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to untangle that. But I got there — and three specific shifts made the biggest difference.

Here they are.

The brain is not built for five-year visions. Our brain’s prefrontal cortex — the part that handles long-term thinking — gets hijacked the moment uncertainty arrives. And uncertainty is... pretty much always there.

What changed everything for me was applying the Kaizen principle not as a productivity hack, but as a biological reset.

Small. Iterative. Focused.

Instead of asking “where do I want to be in three years?”, I started asking: “What is the one meaningful thing I can complete in the next 90 days?” And then: “Did I get 1% better at something that matters today?”

The result wasn’t just efficiency. It was a sense of control — which, if you know anything about the brain’s threat-response system, is one of the most powerful levers for reducing chronic stress. The amygdala quiets down when we feel agency. Short sprints give you that agency back.

This isn’t discipline. It’s brain architecture. Play with it.

Here is the belief I was carrying for years, completely unexamined: “I need to achieve X level of financial security before I can do what really matters.”

Sounds responsible, right?

It is also, neurologically speaking, a perfect anxiety generator.

The brain has a negativity bias — it’s wired to protect you from loss far more intensely than it motivates you toward gain. That means the “financial stability” goalpost never arrives. Every time you get close, the threat system upgrades the target. The prison has no walls, but you can’t leave.

What I learned — through research, through behavioral science, and through some uncomfortable personal honesty — is that financial anxiety and financial reality are almost never the same thing. The anxiety is a story the brain tells to keep you from taking risks. The reality is usually more manageable than the story.

I didn’t quit my income. I quit the belief that safety was a destination.

That shift — from “protect what I have” to “invest in what matters” — is one of the most cognitively demanding things I’ve ever done. Because it goes directly against how our evolutionary brain is wired. But once you make it, there is no going back.

This one sounds counterintuitive. But it changed everything.

Most planning frameworks ask: “What do you want to achieve?” Your brain then translates that into pressure, comparison, and the slow erosion of your own standard.

I flipped it. I started asking: “What experience, relationship, or moment would I absolutely refuse to miss in the next year?”

Not goals. Not milestones. Non-negotiable moments.

The week with my family. The conversation I keep postponing. The project that makes me feel alive, even if it’s not the most strategic.

When you plan from the negative — from what you refuse to miss — something strange happens. The brain shifts from avoidance mode to value-alignment mode. And that shift is measurable: it activates the reward circuitry differently, with lower anxiety and higher intrinsic motivation.

Try it. Get a piece of paper. Write: “What would I deeply regret not having done this year?” Then build your calendar around that list first.

I am about 90% done with my next book — you know the one: The Vintage Upgrade. The science is solid. The stories are real. I am kind of proud of it.

But here’s my problem: I am still not 100% convinced the title is right.

The Vintage Upgrade captures the idea — experience as a premium asset, not a liability. But I keep asking myself if there’s something sharper, more provocative, more impossible to ignore out there.

So I’m putting it to you. Would you suggest a name for the book based on its outline?

Drop it in the comments. You have more influence over this book than you think.

From the Growth Hacking Culture Podcast — episodes that go deep on exactly these topics:

📽️ The Speed Paradox: Agility, Sprints & the 90-Day Method with Nikki Barua — the episode that directly maps to the Kaizen sprint approach. Nikki Barua breaks down why “better brakes allow you to drive faster.” Genuinely one of the most practical conversations on the show.

📽️ Hustle with a Heart with Hanna Bauer — about breaking the “hustle = worth” equation. Directly connected to escaping the financial stability mental prison.

📽️ Strategy Fatigue to Resilient Leadership with Dr. Lance Mortlock — on why static plans fail and how “anti-vision” (planning by what you refuse to allow) changes everything.

Write down three things you would deeply regret NOT doing in the next 12 months. Not goals. Non-negotiables. Then check your calendar — how much space have you actually given them?

Tell us what you discovered in the comments.

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Stay Human, Made with 💚 by Ivan Palomino