Hello world!\ name : silver (alias)\ age : somewhere in the 20s\ current location : new york\ blog birth date : 2024-12-04\ f...
Deleted the YouTube application off of my phone. Thinking of going back to school next spring. Finally made a savings account. Changed my loan repayment plan. Saw 3 friends in one weekend (I rarely do this). Still reading and going to the library :). Going out more often which is great, but a lot of money is being spent. Hey! Using it while I have it. I’m happier. Consistent journaling. Practicing…
2026. Wednesday. April 15. 3:15PM. Lunch break over. A quote pops in my head. "Must've not been that important, if you can't remember." I was either told this, or I've read it a lot somewhere. Maybe both! It got me thinking. I forget important stuff all the time. I should blog about this. So here I am. Fearing I would forget this thought, I searched for my pen and something to write on. Ended up…
On my lunch break today, I finished reading Boulder by Eva Baltasar. I have been reading 5 books simultaneously and this was the fourth to make it to the finish line. In the past, I've had this issue with falling asleep every time I would read. In college, waiting between my classes, I would go to the Barnes & Noble in Union Square and read. Well, I tried to read. Maybe 10 pages into each book.…
I wish to articulate my thoughts more clearly. My mind moves much faster than my mouth. Stumbling over words and freezing. Everything is so clear in my thoughts, but when I open my mouth. Nothing. Sometimes after I write I erase it all, because it doesn't read like how I want it to. I wish I could accurately describe everything I see or think. My mental images, my thoughts. I wish to start a…
This is an update for Struggling with the phone . Allowing myself to only use social media on my second phone has been a game changer. Initially, I put a 1 hour limit on the second phone, but eventually turned it off because I was iffy about it. Turns out I did not even need the limit. I've been averaging around 30 minutes of screen time on that phone. Huge difference of my social media usage,…
I finally hit the purchase button. Decision paralysis defeated. I have trouble buying things, especially for myself. The guilt that comes from abandoning my hyperfixations is quite unbearable. I'm working on it. I wouldn't necessarily say I have a spending problem. Maximum 4 times out of the year I splurge. It isn't repeated consistent spending, so I give myself some grace. But the parts leading…
My phone addiction is nearly uncontrollable on the weekends. Throughout the week it isn't so bad since I work full-time, but if I don't have plans during the weekend it gets pretty bad. It's not even about it being the weekend. I've always struggled with not doing so well when not having a structured routine. It's so easy to slip into phone mode. Almost like I've been conditioned to be this way. I…
The last I posted on Bear was not too long ago. Not beating myself up over it. But man the drafts that are piling up on my dashboard. Now those. You see. Yeah. Overwhelming. Perfectionism and shame love each other so very much. I need to separate those two. This one being a shorter post compared to the others is bothering me. While typing out the tags, I'm wondering what I can call these types of…
In the past, I would get annoyed when people asked me questions that they could easily find the answer to on the internet. Not with real life conversations, but in online conversations or texts. I think it's wonderful that we get to be curious and ask real human beings we know, or don't know, things. It has a certain charm. I wondered why it bothered me so much. Did some thinking and found the…
Recently, I visited one of my local libraries. I have 2 that are a 10 minute walking distance from my house. The route to the one I went to on this gloomy Friday has a similar path to one I would walk from school to home. The beginning of my walk felt. Heavy. My body remembered the anguish. I grieved for my younger self. Something I do from time to time. Feeling it through familiarity of…