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Welcome to Silence, Brand!, a tri-weekly potluck of internet absurdity at the intersection of brand marketing and internet culture written by a collective of award-winning digital marketing professionals. If you like what we do, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

Call the glambulance and buckle up, because the internet has been busy.
This week the feed served us a cosmetics influencer feud, a horror-icon origin debate, whiskey that dressed up as a tracksuit, and grown men rediscovering the humble handbag. Per ususula, we’ve trawled the depths of the timeline so you don’t have to surface for air.

The purity ring is officially retired: Demi Lovato reunited with the Jonas Brothers at the L.A. premiere of Camp Rock 3, sending millennials straight back to 2008.
Nostalgia remains undefeated.

Crown Royal and Juicy Couture dropped a limited-edition collection inspired by Crown's flavored whiskies (because nothing says 2026 like your top-shelf liquor and your 2004 velour tracksuit finally getting the collab treatment.) Crown, meet Couture.

Hide your purse, hide your wife: The Washington Post declares it the summer of Purse Guys, as men everywhere embrace the tote, the shoulder bag, and the joy of not shoving everything into their pockets.

Anyway … whens the last time you rode on a Lime scooter???

Tate McRae’s Beauty Secret? Not Necessarily Touching the Products. (New York Times)
Tate McRae’s sponsored Neutrogena “post-show routine” is going viral.. but not exactly for the reasons the brand hoped. Viewers noticed she appeared to barely use the products she was holding, sparking a debate over authenticity, influencer marketing, and whether a perfectly polished ad can feel too staged. The internet, naturally, noticed every millimeter of that makeup wipe.

Peter Pan Stalker (Know Your Meme)
Peter Pan Girl aka TikToker @babytoni99, posted a decades worth of footage documenting her frequent interactions like bringing gifts, posing for photos, following and engaging in lengthy, awkward encounters with Disneyland Peter Pan performers. The viral clips prompted widespread online criticism, memes, and commentary concerned for the comfort and safety of the Disney employees involved, with many invoking the Disney Adult stereotype and comparing the phenomenon to a 2010s Tumblr Peter Pan fandom.

Tarte faces backlash for Snatch Sticks marketing mirroring plastic surgery (Modern Retail)
Tarte Cosmetics is facing backlash for marketing its $26 Snatch Stick with PR boxes showing recipients’ photos marked like surgical guides and a converted “glambulance” for influencer consultations, prompting accusations of “rage-baiting,” body-shaming and trivializing emergency services while social responses ranged from condemnation and calls to boycott to supportive posts.

Mikayla Nogueira’s New Review Drama (TikTok)
🦀 Mikayla Nogueira sparked TikTok drama by reviewing CoverGirl’s new Yummy Big Oil Stick. She applied the product on her cheeks like a blush, which stripped off her foundation and led her to trash the product. A fan stated that it’s a lip product to which Mikayla replied, “why is it so big.” Covergirl then shared a TikTok responding to her comment. There’s been a continued debate because some folks have allegedly seen the product promoted as a lip AND cheek oil in stores. [🦀 janine]