One simple insight, a session on a yoga mat, a powerful breakthrough.

Today, during my meditation, I discovered something powerful.

But it actually all began on the yoga mat.

This morning, as most mornings, I started the day with a short yoga session; however, today, during my session, some things suddenly started to click.

Little did I know that this would trigger a sequence of epiphanies that would set off, what feels like, a new phase in my life.

It all began with a powerful realization, as it usually does. As if something suddenly clicked in place.

For me it was this.

Recently, I had been feeling increasingly defeated, a feeling I hadn’t experienced before. I had been through challenging times, but up until now, I had always been able to step into that “yes you can mode”. I had always been able to find a way to get myself into a more constructive mindset.

A couple of years ago, a new voice had emerged, and it had gotten a foot on the ground.

Now, every time I would try to talk to myself in an uplifting and empowering way, this voice would come in and shoot it down with a simple defeatist statement that would boil down to a feeling of:

Who are you kidding?

You have already tried this so many times.

What’s the point?

This voice had never been there, and it didn’t feel like mine, but it was suddenly there, and it was powerful. In fact, it took over.

As you can imagine, it sucked out all the drive, all the fight, and all the motivation for doing anything.

Because….what’s the point right?

And if I am honest, it has been one of the hardest things to live through (and I have been through some dark times).

The thing is, it sucks the life out of you and it felt like every day was a fight. A fight to not give up entirely.

But luckily, there was still another presence.

Whatever happens in my life, no matter how dark it might feel, somehow there is always another voice there, an awareness, an observer.

So even though this negative, bitter voice had taken over, there was still this other voice, this awareness, that could see what was happening.

And this gave me a fighting chance because I was aware of what was happening:

A fight between two parts of me, the light and the darkness.

On the one hand, that voice of encouragement, the uplifting, “yes you can, and you will” voice.

On the other hand, that defeatist, “what’s the point” voice.

I wouldn’t lie, most of the time the latter was in control.

But not entirely.

It was a fight, it was a struggle but through my routines, through everything I’d learned about reframing, about mindfulness, I would be able to shift back into a more constructive mindset.

Sometimes, by just allowing myself to wallow in it...but for a limited time.

Sometimes, by distracting myself.

Sometimes, by disrupting my pattern.

I’d use music, environment, movement, meditation, food, anything to break the pattern.

And as soon as I was able to shift into a more constructive mood, I would pound.

I would go into full gear, reset those habits, get shit done, build momentum and affirm again to myself that I was still in the game.

That there was still hope. That I hadn’t fully given up yet.

But it was a tug of war.

And tiring.

And I was not winning.

It was exhausting.

This couldn’t go on.

Until today, I suddenly realized how to break it.

But it first started with a realization of why this voice emerged now and why it wasn’t there earlier.

That was the first epiphany.

I realized that the reason why I had such an unwavering faith and belief in my twenties and thirties was because I hadn’t “collected the evidence to believe otherwise.”

It was easy to believe in my dreams, in opportunity because I was young and hadn’t lived much yet.

In a way I was intentionally and functionally delusional. 😅

But when I started to get older, inevitably I was racking up experiences.

Some good, some bad. Some things worked and others not.

Data points for my subconscious.

And because I am a guy who experiments and does a lot, inevitably a lot won’t work.

But this was always just part of the learning journey.

They never registered this to me as failures but as data points, learnings.

Or so I thought.

But I guess someone was taking score because at some point something started to shift.

But here is what happened.

At some point it felt like I was only hitting walls and a thought crept in:

“Nothing is working.

You have done so much but look at where you are.

Be real my friend, it isn’t working.”

In some regard, there was truth to that, this WAS what I was feeling and that’s why it is easy to fall into this trap.

But here is the thing.

There was truth in it but it was not THE truth.

But it started to feel that everything I had ever done hadn’t moved the needle, not even an inch. Like it had all been pointless.

Suddenly, my subconscious was going through all those experiences and marking them failures, one after another.

As if I had been failing for over 20 years.

This is the thing and this is why I tell my clients “Don’t believe your own bullshit.”

Your ego, because that’s what the voice, tends to want to see things in absolutes.

This does not work, so nothing works.

And if you start to believe it, you start to see more evidence.

So it grew into:

“Nothing is working, you have done so much, why bother keep trying?”

So from that point on, every time I came up with a new idea this voice would pop up.

And what did you think it did with my enthusiasm, with my motivation?

I’ll help you imagine.

Have you ever had a negative, pessimistic friend that pissed on all your ideas when you would share them?

Well, then you know the feeling.

It sucks the life out of you and you remain with that empty, dark feeling.

So it was a battle. Everything in me wanted nothing more than just sit on the couch and do nothing.

But the fighter in me knew it was not an option.

I had to keep moving.

But fighting it only made this voice stronger.

Fighting didn’t work either, it would take so much energy and every time I would pick myself up I would feel like I had less energy left to fight.

I was running out of juice.

So what did I learn and what changed?

Well during my yoga session today, I realized something.

I realized that I had fallen into a version of Learned Helplessness, where you believe that everything is doomed to fail and it will never change.

But as soon as I realized this, I realized something else.

This wasn’t true. In fact, this couldn’t be true.

Because really, how likely is it that nothing will ever change?

None. Life is change.

And is it true that I have only had failures throughout my life?

Of course not.

In fact, I have done amazing stuff, much more than I have failed.

And this realization broke my frame.

And it brought me back to that belief that has always been at the center of my being:

That I am capable of amazing things, beyond what I can even see.

And that everything is possible.

It is still there, that lingering feeling but I know the real me is back in control and that I am recharging, and moving out of darkness, leaving it behind.

And that this too was something I had to learn, something I can now share and teach my clients.

Who knows.

But what I do know is the next phase is upon me.

Let’s see what’s next.

About the author

I am Shorombo, a Life and Business Coach for entrepreneurs and high performers. I help people redesign their lifestyle so they can win in business and feel genuinely fulfilled in life. My approach is called High Performance Lifestyle Design. Not theory. Built from 10+ years of studying, practising, and living the principles that move the needle on performance, health, and happiness.

If you're building something great but feel like your personal life isn't keeping up, you'll find me here.