I am in a constant 'what if I shit my pants' level of anxiety. Late-diagnosed autistic at 39, recovering from burnout, and brain-vomiting my way through it a...
Our lease is coming to an end, and after a bit of a rollercoaster of decision-making, we made the hard decision to move. Moving in general is exhausting and stressful, but add autism into the mix, and it feels like your whole world is being turned upside down. There isn't just a whole change of environment about to happen, but you have routine disruption and anticipation anxiety for weeks at a…
My brother is moving to the UK soon, and despite him being a real asshole the majority of the time... I’m really going to miss him. I keep having these flashbacks to the summer before sophomore year of high school, when my parents and I took him to the airport to start his adventure as a singer in a Christian singing group (lol this could be a whole other blog). He was flying out with his…
I can't keep count of how many times I go throughout my day thinking about how I can't wait to be done with work so I can come on here and write. I even come up with multiple things I want to write about, but then by the time I sit down in front of my computer screen, I end up: Checking social media and doomscrolling until my eyes hurt and I have convinced myself everything in life is pointless…
I don’t think I have ever felt so lost and so stuck in life as I do right now. Things that once brought me hope or joy no longer do, and I am so fucking tired all of the damn time. I feel like I need like three months off of work to just rest and create without an obligation to be productive, but I have no way to make that happen. It drives you a special kind of crazy to know what you need, but…
My depression has really started to drag me down again lately. I get in these negative cycles of feeling hopeless and like everything is meaningless and pointless, and so far, the only thing that has helped me break out of these negative cycles is ketamine therapy. I can't say it is ideal because I actually hate how it makes me feel on the day of. When it is first administered, it is okay; I just…
I have been struggling hardcore lately with feeling like I will never get back to the old version of me. The version that showed up no matter what and pushed through, because... #noexcuses. Since being hospitalized for a spine infection last year, I haven't been the same. My back is still fucked up, and whenever I try to push myself, I end up in more pain and feeling more fatigued for days…
I am having one of those weeks where I am having a hard time putting feelings into words. I have come on here, started a blog, and then stopped without knowing what to write or how to continue. Having been recently diagnosed with autism, I have learned that I struggle with something called alexithymia. Basically, it's difficulty identifying and describing your own emotions, sometimes even…
I'm a dreamer. I always have been, but after years of hustling my ass off and only receiving the Temu version of those dreams...I have kind of turned into a cynical asshole. The reality is, I think I was a bit naive. I always had this hope that one day I would be able to overcome my anxiety and be able to do the things I wanted to do. I always thought: one day . One day, I will overcome my anxiety…
In 2023, I fell into a dark hole of depression and have been struggling to find my way out of it ever since. Although I was pushed into this hole by losing 24k to a scammy business coach, I have been standing on the edge of it and dipping my toes in and out for as long as I can remember. I have had ups and downs, but I always managed to pull myself out. This time around, it has been very…
Since being diagnosed with autism, I have discovered this lovely concept called "Autistic Burnout". I already knew I was burned out, but apparently, normal burnout is different than autistic burnout. Lucky me. I am not going to pretend to be an expert on autistic burnout since I am still learning about it myself, but basically, here is how it differs: Normal Burnout: Primarily driven by chronic…