One of the negative effects of being raised in a difficult environment is a warped self-perception that manifests itself in various false beliefs.
In this article, we will explore a few of the more common ones.
Believing that you are worthless is extremely common.
Many children grow up into adults with a diminished sense of self-worth.
That is the reality: if you treat someone whose mind is still developing as though they are worthless, they will believe that they are worthless.
This is understandable because if you are repeatedly told that you are stupid, incompetent, and useless, or even subtly or explicitly treated as though you are worthless, you receive the same message.
This is especially the case when those treating you this way are the very people you depend on. You will then internalize this feeling, and it will become your self-perception.
Children pick up on these signals from their caregivers and adapt to their reality.
This belief is often accompanied by similar toxic beliefs:
I am unlovable
I don’t matter
I can’t do anything right
There’s no point in even trying
I don’t deserve anything
Excessive, unjustified guilt is another common problem people suffer from.
This belief develops if a child is punished for making mistakes, if they are micromanaged, if they are expected to meet unrealistic or unfair standards, and if they are blamed for things that they are not responsible for.
As a response to such treatment, the person learns to believe that whatever “bad” happens is their fault—because that’s how they were treated and led to believe.
It can lead to severe social anxiety and a constant state of alertness.
It makes a person’s personal life quite challenging since they constantly focus on others and think that everything is somehow related to them.
Similar beliefs:
I deserve to be treated this way
It wasn’t that bad
I was a bad child
I’m inherently bad or defective
Someone’s always watching me
Everyone hates me
This is an extension of the previous belief. Here, the person believes that they are responsible for things that they are actually not responsible for.
It is very common for such individuals to try to take care of other people’s needs, preferences, and emotions at the expense of their own.
If a child is not allowed to be a child and is forced to take on the role of a parent—to their own parents, their siblings, or others—then they grow up feeling responsible for others.
Such role-reversal in a person’s early life predisposes them to neglect their own well-being, dreams, aspirations, and life for the sake of other people.
The easiest form to recognize is people-pleasing, but it takes other shapes as well.
Similar beliefs:
I am responsible for other people’s emotions
If others are suffering, it’s my fault
It’s my responsibility to save everyone
Many people who grow up in a controlling environment become overly dependent.
This is because they were treated as if they were incompetent and weren’t given the freedom to pursue their own goals, make mistakes, and overcome obstacles. Instead, they developed dependency, a sense of helplessness, and low self-efficacy.
Here, instead of being an individual, facing life’s challenges, and developing competence, the person stays stuck in the role of a helpless, dependent child, where they need someone else to take care of their financial, emotional, and even physical needs.
A common example would be someone who is afraid to leave an abusive relationship because they believe they could not survive on their own.
Similar beliefs:
I’m not good at anything
Everything’s so complicated
I don’t understand anything
I am waiting for my savior
I just want someone to take care of me
I just want someone who will make me feel safe
This is, in many ways, the opposite of the previous belief.
Instead of being passive, the person feels that they have to do everything on their own.
As a child, they had to take care of themselves because their caregivers were not very caring or reliable. They were forced to grow up quickly and deal with their struggles alone.
For people like this, it is difficult to trust others, ask for help, or be vulnerable.
They were routinely hurt by other people’s insensitivity, betrayed by those who were supposed to love them, and let down by people’s incompetence and unreliability.
So they learned that you have to do everything yourself.
Similar beliefs:
Showing emotion is “unmanly” or weak (i.e., dangerous)
I can’t trust anyone
I don’t need anyone
Everyone is just looking out for themselves
Everyone is selfish and doesn’t care about anybody else
Asking for help is a sign of weakness
You have to carry everything inside
Nobody can understand me
What false beliefs do you struggle with? What false beliefs did you have in the past? What helped you overcome them?
Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, or write about them in your personal journal.
My book: Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults
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