Building an Eclipse (and Hellmouth) Tracker

Tonight’s total solar eclipse happens to coincide with a new moon, a meteor shower and a planetary alignment. One might mistake it for portents of the end times. So I built a hellmouth tracker: The Portal Authority, from the fine people at Definitely Real Products Inc.

It surveys your street (or any street — you can just click the map) for nearby portals to Hell, grades them on a six-tier municipal severity scale, and a small winking imp scores your view of tonight’s apocalypse. And it uses NASA’s actual eclipse path data, so it will genuinely tell you whether you’re in totality tonight, at what time, and for how long. Ideal viewing locations, courtesy of the infernal civil service.

In case you feel like you need to go lie down somewhere while the ground swallows you up — now you’ll know exactly where.

https://definitelyrealproducts.com/portal-authority/

Built overnight in three shipped iterations: Claude Code (Fable 5) orchestrating, OpenAI’s Codex consulting on the map stack and the privacy calls, Google’s Antigravity on vocabulary duty — starting in plan mode before a line of code was written. Public data end to end: OpenStreetMap basemaps, NASA/GSFC’s eclipse path tables. The 15-second product demo is an HTML animation authored and rendered with HyperFrames, gated on its linter and WCAG contrast validator before a single frame was rendered. Assets ship to Cloudflare R2, the site deploys over rsync, and every step ran from the command line — including drafting this post.