things that have made life a little easier

this entry was supposed to be more negative, but i decided focusing on the more positive things in my life recently would leave me feeling a lot better. here's a list of stuff that has brought me joy lately!

• writing creatively. i'm such a loser for deltarune, i just finished chapter 5 after a lot of procrastination and dread. my thoughts the past month or so have almost been constantly consumed by deltarune, and i decided two weeks ago that i should write a college au where the characters (primarily kris, ralsei, susie, and noelle) are not met with tragic circumstances and are able to heal with each other. i'm very embarrassed at the thought of sharing my ideas so far for them lol, but maybe one day i'll post what i've come up with online. anyway, this little project has brought me a lot of joy and fulfillment, especially because i don't normally engage with my interests like this. i normally passively consume, so being able to make something with my own hands for something i'm passionate about feels so nice.

• actually, speaking of writing creatively, just recently i got to see my writing put into a cutscene for my friend's roleplay. it was crazy seeing my writing put into a bigger project and it was even crazier seeing the actor of the character i wrote about loving how i wrote their character's dialogue. i don't put my creative work out there like that, so it was jarring to me to have people see it and enjoy it.

• one of my favorite writers, phoenix mendoza, recently posted an article reflecting on her grief surrounding her mom's death. i adore her writing, it comforts me greatly.

• i'm learning to rely on my parents more. i tend to keep my mental health struggles a secret from them until i absolutely cannot take it anymore, i feel so much guilt for needing help and i process my existence as a debt that i need to repay by keeping my pain to myself. though after much encouragement from my psychiatrist, therapist, and partner, i decided that i need to let my parents in. i feel so much at peace around them now. i don't feel the frantic urge to wipe my tears or act happy whenever i hear my parents' footsteps outside my door. i'm learning to be honest when my parents ask me if i'm okay, and it's helped me so much.

hoping that things look up a bit more in the coming weeks, but for now, i'm glad i have things to keep me going.

with love, seasluggish