dozing off ... <img src="https://i.ibb.co/dw7QRtp6/oceandivi...
content warning: destructive bpd behaviors, singular mention of suicidal thoughts recently had the most destructive split i had in a while against my partner, and it's gnawing at me. i think our relationship has been tense for a while leading up to it. i was often emotionally removed from conversations about his interests, him and i had a talk about his previous unhealthy behaviors and i assumed…
this entry was supposed to be more negative, but i decided focusing on the more positive things in my life recently would leave me feeling a lot better. here's a list of stuff that has brought me joy lately! writing creatively. i'm such a loser for deltarune, i just finished chapter 5 after a lot of procrastination and dread. my thoughts the past month or so have almost been constantly consumed by…
i love the beach. whenever i go, i don't go far into the water; i just stand, ankles-deep, and stare into the horizon. my mom finds this behavior very worrying lol, but it's how i enjoy the beach best. i'm hoping to fit in as many beach visits as possible before fall semester begins. i'm not sure what to expect this semester, actually. i changed my major last semester after a very grueling two…
the day after i posted my last entry, i talked to my psychiatrist about the symptoms i was experiencing and we scheduled an appointment in two weeks to go through the official diagnosing process. the day after that, i told my therapist about me potentially having bpd and having talked to my psychiatrist about it. she thought it made sense + thought i might also have bipolar disorder because almost…
i've stared at this empty gray draft container so many times now. there's so many things i want to say, but i'm not good with beginnings. so to be blunt, i've been miserable. i hate writing negative blog entries. once i start, they don't stop until my whole blog is full of how depressed and angry i've been. it feels so embarrassing to admit to others that i'm not okay and haven't been in a long…
i keep on running my tongue against the back of my bottom front teeth, feeling the tartar that formed from days of not adequately brushing and flossing. my bathroom counters are the cleanest they've ever been in weeks, but the specks of mold in my shower and the dust on the floor is hard to not look at. i was hoping that i would have the energy to clean the house more regularly, i didn't have the…
happy pride! i am full of many lesbian thoughts and a lot of love, but my new press ons (the irony) and flickering dopamine is making it difficult to write. expect many poorly connected thoughts! lesbian encompasses a lot of who i am as a person. it's more than a sexuality to me: it's my gender, it's how i navigate the world in nonromantic and nonsexual ways. ever since i was a freshman in high…
possibly first blog entry? i wrote a draft yesterday but i am debating publishing it... regardless, hello 🦭! it's been forever since i've blogged (been having crazy withdrawals from it, too many thoughts for a slug brain to handle), and now that it's summer, i can finally let my thoughts back into the wild! something i've thought about for a while but never talked about with anyone ever is how…